Sunday, December 30, 2007

One of my favourite purchases of 2007, 'cannabis' candle by MALIN+GOETZ. Smells so alluring and sexy, deep and confident, kind of turns me on. Well if i can't get it from a man i might aswell get it from a candle.
I also bought this very cool mirror which i will show later, i want more black furnishings flanked by brushed-silver a kind of ornate neo-gothism with a hint of modernity. However there is this romantism of black lately , a pithy of jet-bacarat crystal chandeliers and etched mirrors. The beautiful 'Budoir' movement of 2007 turning into a whorehouse of veneral ideas. I want black without the sparkle, without the garter and suspenders, the frou-frou and candle-lit shite, i want black as in carved, hammered, ashened with severity. Keep the fucken light OUT!
I might have to rethink the albino manchester to include some deeper colours and replace all my seagrass and wicker baskets with black ones. no time for natures muted tones.
2008 will be the year of Masculine gothique, no frills no pastels no multi-scrap-jute ikea rug!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Boxing day was the usual drunken craziness with lots of olives.

Monday, December 24, 2007

"No, you can't help it
if you have been tempted
By fruit hanging ripe on the tree
And I feel useless
Don't care what the truth is
You will be here come the day
Truth do you hear me?
Don't try to come near me
So tired I sleep through the lie
If you desire to lay here beside me
Come to my sweet melody"

Saturday, December 01, 2007

For a moment i've fallen in love with Interpol.
As quick as the chorus hooks on it dies and so does any affections.

Catching up with John tomorrow up at Latteria, i hope i don't look too fat.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

This week was survived by swallowing handfuls of exasperation.
Coming home to my flatmate doing star-jumps in the living room. "i've done 50.... now i got to sprint" and so she does up and down the hall way. Then last night she decided to do variations on ballroom dancing meets modern interpretive dance, martha graham would be enthralled, one glove clapping.

One client screamed at the top of her lungs "OHHHHHH...YOU'RE GOING SOOO DEEEP...OOHHHH IT'S SO DEEP"

"no madam, the needles are all the same length"

"ooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....oooooooh. i've never felt so much pain"

"so i guess you'll calling us for a booking then?"

"oh, book me in for next week please".

And we had the fully-grown baby (late 50s). He's booked himself in 3 time a week with the human kipper.

He rocks up dressed like tweedle dumb, childs baseball cap on and a rectangular weatherproof carry case built for 2 cans of beer, pink, light blue and frayed zipper, trundling down the hall with a sheepish smile and nylon red hair arched over his scalp due to seasonal humidity and proceeds to the toilet i've just bleached and launches his last meal to the sides of the porcelain.

And i say why bother with punctation marks.

His wife comes in an hour later, she has a new haircut, so she can look like victoria beckham. She looks more like a used soccor ball then anything.

Then there was the unsatisfied mother of a 15yo boy who proceeded to tell me her son was "getting into sex" with much graphic detail it would make a priest want to go to confession and her husband......
" bloody hell what have i married? he couldn't even make salmon spawn".

Next week i have the woman with no hair wanting 3hrs of epilation, miss souvlaki for 4 hrs- i'm doing her bikini atoll, i think that's an appropriate description and miss raisons. She is having her aereola done and her nipples shrivell up like raisons, the ones you find at the bottom of the danish christmas cookie tins, the forgotton ones.

God bless.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

I am listening to Air- Kyoto from the Lost in translation movie which i'm petrified of watching again for it would send me into a time which my world was free and bohemian. I fell in love with every new vista.
A phrase amongst digital chatter, we became whatever our desires decided on the day, in the moment, unashamed hurtling down the stairs of some Japanese bar in python boots slurping down freshly fondled ramen in a noodle house who knew no alphabet and the empty tokyo streets buzzing with the ghosts of neon.

I've come home to my mother asking about my relationship

"what relationship?"

"you can atleast pretend to have one"

Is this the answer?

I need a new monitor, this ones playing up.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

I spent most of my holidays doing this.

I met up with the wonderful Deb and had coffee at Latteria , visited some tiny art galleries and got caught in the rain huddled inside the war memorial. One could amplify those moments as romantic in notion if only Deb wasn't female and that i wasn't wearing white in the rain.
But i do love Deb in that Peter-of-ways and yes we did talk about you in endearing terms dear Pete.

Work has been horrid, absolutley horrid, we lost 2 more staff and now have 4 times the work load amongst two of us and my boss has disappeared to south america to hand out wheelchair cushions, i'm not entirely sure the poor have wheelchairs over there.

And next week doesn't look much better, i'm going to hit macdonalds hard .

Saturday, October 20, 2007

It's been a while and nothings really changed.
Work got even more hectic with an added bonus of, 2 staff members resigning. The one we all want gone miss triple-cheeseburger still hasn't left. So i threw an impromtu tantrum and signaled i'm taking a week off work , just because.
I have also rediscovered the joys pf macdonalds and up-sizing to the detriment of my waistline. I gave in and just bought pants 2 sizes too big and continued with my large caramel sundae ways.
I'm also eating almond croissants for breakfast and meat pies for lunch, atleast i'm comfort eating rather than starving although the ads for Dior homme aren't helping, how thin can one get before u notice the ribcage?
i'm fat but i got bigger clothes, i'm stressed but i got money, my feet smell but i got dior heels, one hand in my pocket the other flicking thin air (yes i haven't smoked).

I've got alot of books i want to read in my demi-holiday, some shopping to do (want an occasional chair since i don't sit much at home), long baths soaking in crabtree and evelyn la source salts, light a few fragrant candles and go for long walks etc etc

Solitude has become a rarity these days.

Monday, October 15, 2007

"Blue here is a shell for you
Inside you'll hear a sigh
A foggy lullaby
There is your song from me"

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Saturday, September 29, 2007

I felt very sad this week for no apparent reason, an emptiness only a stone could hear.
So i went out and bought Joni mitchell cd and painted my days blue.

"I'm gonna blow this damn candle out
I don't want Nobody comin' over to my table
I got nothing to talk to anybody about
All good dreamers pass this way some day
Hidin' behind bottles in dark cafes"

Monday, September 24, 2007

To think work could get any more hectic it has exploded with rigour.
I don't remember how many hairy-lipped women i've jabbed with needles but darling it funds my lifestyle.
I bought some gorgeous home furnishings and a stainless steel lamp in the shape of a teardrop and a sterling silver baby-bucket to put my pens and pencils in not that i write to anyone.
I managed to watch 'notes on a scandal' with Cate blanchett fucking and blowing a 15yr olds school boy and monica bellucci showing her mango-boobs again in some french movie where she's a whore and i watched 'the brown bunny' where chloe sevigny gives an actual blow job, is she ever not?
And tonight i had mr mono-brow who after an hour he is in so much pain he walks round dazed and confused.
"You don't care, do you?" one client exasperated
"oh, i do, i care alot" i answered as i insert another needle inbetween her thigh and bikini line
"you know you must get rid of this, it's not the most inviting sign"

I adore organic apples even when they're 15 dollars a kilo.

I adore leather white sneakers.

I adore white bed linen, i have it and i'm sleeping in a snow storm.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Saturday, September 15, 2007

up and down like an elevator, time has shatted through my cotton underpants darlings.
I had half a day off this week. I was having my hair did , cut, colour and abit of a blow, i got Yuji to put some red foils in because i've given up on dying my own, since it's so fantastic to have my hair done at Revo that i go fortnightly just for the head massages. So whilst drifting into fingering bliss my head sliding into the wash basin i get a call from work because miss dumber can't work due to a slit hand. Yes, she cut her hand whilst slicing a tomato, easy thing to do, tomatoes can be quite tricky to, slice but ofcourse we've decided she has cut herself and missed thus slicing the tendon between thumb and index finger.
It's a cry for help , i often stare at my hands and think about slicing it but then the thought of all that elizabeth arden 8 hour cream that's gone onto it, i think not. I adore my new beauty product, Elizabeth Arden Ceramide body cream.

When i decided to purchase a blanket to keep myself warm whilst i drift in and out of consciousness during an evening dvd i popped into Laura Ashley for a gorgeous 'sun-ripen Aubergine' morhair throw.
I'm suppose to throw this on a sofa? well i've been throwing it on myself during these cold lonely winter nights and i'm instantly satisfied. Who needs love when you have a Laura ashley Mohair throw.

oh and did i mention my pair of snake-skin heels have been spray painted, gold.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Today was the A.P.E.C holiday we had to have so i invited Gav and john over for a house warming(?) but really it was just 3 gay guys sitting round with clothes on. Amy was to join us later.
Gav gave me a wonderful set of coasters which was made of wood and you know how much i love wood. john gave me a bottle of wine.
So after a drink and some sushi we trundled off to the park to cruise for some hot guys, erm.. not quite, there were some trees and upturned boats and the river and yer, we saw the spot we were suppose to have a picnic but because it was raining on and off all week we didn't. Then it proceeded to rain and poor gav got wet, hmm wetness...
I thought why not go out and get some cakes and have coffee , get the boys out in the fresh air. SO we did just that returning back to the flat with pastries and gavs meat pie and proceeded to open the door only to be confronted with the fact i forgot to take the keys.
Yes i locked myself (and the boys) out.
Thus the day ended with us eating afternoon tea outside on the gutter and me informing Amy not to come over at 7 because basically no one will be there. My flatmate had gone down to her mothers place in the mountains for the day.
Lucky for me, Gav gave me a lift to my parents place down south so i could watch some porn on the internet till later in the evening when i managed to get back after flatmate came home.
Horray for today i just had glass of vodka, double.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

I have alot to tell you but my mind is still abit fuzzy after working for the past 5 days with the flu. I don't know why i bother but i do, not like i'm going to get any prizes. My flatmate is sick too but she seems to have gotten the more colourful version with gastric spasms everytime she eats "but atleast you've lost some weight this time" i quipped.
Tomorrows my day off and i want to do so many things like buy white bedsheets and luxurious blankets, i saw one that has a wolf-fur print on it but minky soft, i don't think wolves fur is fluffy but anyway i need some gorgeous blankety things.
Then the latest ikea catalogue arrived and i'm engrossed.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Tribute to Cat power and those bangs which have become the haircut of the moment.
And it is true, she has signed with Chanel but it's only for the jewellery.
She also performed at the '07 couture

if you watch the interview largerfeld you will see why Cat was chosen to be his muse-de mode, but does chanel come from indie roots? is it angry and haughty and verge-of-a-nervous-breakdown? Will it still look good from a chipped teacup?
All i know is that, seasons change.....

"Listen to me, don’t walk that street
There’s always an end to it"

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Gorgeous Mel after banana cake in caramel syrup.
Dear Pete came up from melbourne to grace our humble sydney-siders with his melbournian hautiness . So after jabbing needles into people for 6 hrs i ran home to change and rushed out to Paddington to meet him and marvelous Mel who, by contrary reports has not permed her hair, one can only ponder about effects the barometric pressure has on our lives, such facinating lives.
With a quick pizza and drinks beneath a flat-screen television and hoards of men in shirts 1/2 size too small, fat is still fat no matter how hard one tries to manipulate sweat-shop stitching.
We cantered down oxford street with petes facinating friend Jordan, who downed vitamins then proceeded to wipe her lips with a tube of, lip balm (i hope it was lipbalm but it looked strangely like a tube of, toothpaste) inbetween drinks and vegetarian pizzas. What is a vegetarian pizza anyway.

Stomped into Lounge, it's still there after all this time , proceeded to drink and mark off potential victims, it wasn't hard, the room was filled with them. Especially this hideous university student who wore a backless top, too much back Mel quipped as i downed another scotch. Young and fat in fluro-cotton-elastine blend. I'm so glad i'm not part of that generation.
John joined us and the party was in full swing, hopping over to deans for some luxuriously heavy banana cake in caramel syrup, chocolate mudcake sprinkled with walnut crush and pete's sticky date pudding. The dark ambience with some soul/jazz/ghetto-ism played through out, the darkness reminded me of melbourne, it was hidden and lovely.

The day after I threw my tiny abode open for pre-high tea drinks.
Morrocan mint tea with miniature-chocolate and caramel eclairs, cat powers and Pete in fits of lung spasms, jordan and i continued on , we know an attention seeker when we see one!
Strong tea, petit cakes and good conversation and such a glorious day, spring ebbing that much closer and these shadowing days creeping darker and forlorn.

Three of us stood amongst twisting native trees , upturn small boats and a square of lawn edging onto Parramatta river, the smell of dead aquatic life and the brine that slithers through it.

High tea at the Victoria room was to be expected, i enjoyed the smoked salmon, the cucumber sandwiches in goats cheese, i've always had a soft spot for goats cheese in well made sandwiches.
Drinks, Rose infused lychee cocktail lashed with copious amounts of Gin, oh did i forget it was high-tea.
Who cares, colonialism is dead, long live re-interpretation.
i was disappointed with the staff, they weren't coloured.

Managed to poick out a fucking huge bunch of Lillies and bundled myself into a cab back to a world of struggling white carpet and walls begging to be visually raped.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

My stomache hurts, i guess thai mince chicken with chilli doesn't agree with me so i left after midday today leaving henry to the joys of my boss. She's been having it rough lately but then if you don't listen to me in the first place.....
I'll have to get my act together soon because she wants me to study a few courses in the coming months.
Things have been plodding along, with work and 'doing the bay run'. It's what you do when you live in this enclave on the east side. I ran for an hour and half on thursday night, an hour friday night, it's good for stress and having a sexless lifestyle! ha!The write up in the newspaper seemed surreal, it's not what it seems, we don't chi chi in the evenings,
I watched pans labrynth thinking it was a childrens movie, it's not! and wonderland with val kilmer and black dahlia was dreadful.
I'm trying to get some party going on the 7th of sept. since it's the apec meeting and everything is shut down, there is a lovely park down the road that buffers the harbour which would make a wonderful picnic spot. Drinks darlings! drinks!
hmm...maybe we do chi-chi afterall.

Monday, August 06, 2007

My life has become work, dinner, dvd, desert and shopping for knick-knacks and gorgeous things, coffee in balmain the sharp end of town with an organic pretention.
It's just been so hectic living this new micro-luxe life, i go for long walks and jogging after work! Can you believe that!!!

My flatmate and i watched the grudge 2 last night, it was so much fun! although she didn't sleep afterwards.

Work has been, the usual parade of body parts although i haven't done a breast for a while, not since that british girl who worked for molton-brown. That reminds me, i must go down to david jones foodhall soon for some of that chamomile tea and prince charles biscuits grown organically on his estates and most probably fertilised with his shit. Nothing quite like eating royal shit.

Oh and this girl came in with bits of her hairline marked out in pen wanting me to permanently reshape it because,
"you see this mask...." - client places papercut out of mask
"if your face fits on this mask it means you are perfectly balanced in beauty"
*me staring at her paper mask and her eyes moving round in them*
"my hairline is just a bit too low so can you work round the outlined spaces"

I thought about how as a collective of individuals have dissipated into this tower of self-defacing, insecure, immolating pustule we've become. I also thought of really hot guys in! underwear in the summer sun lifting and moving very expensive home furnishings from Missoni, lots of zig zags darling....and proceeded to insert needles into her scalp.

"i'll just listen to bach on my ipod, it will help me cope with the pain" she said.

Anyway, what will we do with Pete when he is in sydney?

Saturday, July 28, 2007

excuse me but the new spice girls promo pic is looking abit strange.
Posh spice looks like she just got fucked up the arse, Ginger spice looks like Eddie from ab/fab, Baby spice looks like some L.A. porno star, Mel C/ Sporty spice is looking terribly like Cat powers!!! and scarey spice like she's enjoying that latte too much!!!

Monday, July 23, 2007

View from my window.

I took a day off work and went furniture hunting in newtown today.
My flatmate and i did newtown, we did newtown, every shop from the Afghan interiors (we love the tealights and kilms and gorgeous pottery and glassware which looked like it was melted with a magnifying glass or laser-guided missle) to the tibetan shop with all sorts of tin ornaments and the "java" furniture store which the guy assured me his boss was busy digging up entire villages in a volcanoe affected town, toss out the bodies and keep the fabulous teak wood furniture "gorgeous" was often thrown up from my mouth. We had lunch at that cafe, um down the side-street with the absolutely gorgeous half black latino greek guy. He'd be my ideal man in physical form, with black curly hair, he was just too much we wet our panties like a bunch of school girls on a summers day, WET!
Hit freedom furniture and stumbled home with creamy rice pudding and doughnuts.

What a day.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Busy with work, busy with moving and building furniture, who'd think i could build furniture, it's so butch, makes me damn horny. Woke up in the morning with sticky boxers and i didn't even remember why! damn.

An ex buddy called me up and well, we had a few drinks and went over to his place to check out his new plasma tv, freggin huge! you get seasick watching it and then before you know it, my pants were down my ankles .
He's a cyclist, so he knows about being thirsty but it's been such a long time for me that er, i was a little excited and well....
However there was plenty to go round so he had seconds ..and thirds.... He on the other hand took ages before he could pop, nearly got lockjaw but you know a hand in the bush is worth two in the mouth or something.

Oral sex is so overrated.

Anyway, i'm very happy with my life for now, once i get my antique desk (hitting newtown on monday) i'll be settled and actually enjoy my new space.
We have a great new team at work (to the detriment of the other clinic) and i feel i can relax abit on the operations part, letting others take responsibility allowing me to fully focus on developing business and business models.

I'm eating quite abit of ice cream lately, have to work out abit more before summer hits.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Everyones got the flu, my nose has slowed down but still, atleast my voice is lower hehehe. It's so cold in sydney it's obscene, reminds me of melbourne but with sun.
I'm settling into this fantastic place even when the sun bounces off the water straight into my bedroom which by the way has an ikea desk which is too small.
I should have spent abit more money but anyway, i will look for something antique in rozelle soon, you do need to spend abit more for quality these days.
I love gorgeous things with a history, or perceived.

My mother insists that vodka is good for colds and you do know, mother knows best.

Friday, July 13, 2007

work and more work, bought ikea furniture and had to build it, got one more damn shelf thing and it's done. I think they've simplified the process but anyway i had to buy a single bed because i want some space in the bedroom so i guess i wont be bringing many guys home for hot sex sessions unless we do it standing up or on the floor or against the wall... anyway i've given up on the whole sex thing, i've just, given up.

Anyway, tomorrows a big day, busy, then back home to get some cables and things and back here again to clean and build more, ikea furniture. Sometimes i wish i had a man who'd just take over and do these things and i can just look pretty and get the bed ready and then all of a sudden i realise it's all on my own and make the best of it.

i think we've been here before.

my nose is running, i think i'm coming down with a cold.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Quick note, made it to the inner west, the apt. is great, great views of water! lots of ..water! and those bloody green and blue birds that sit along the balcony.
I will share photos once i know how to load them from my new carrier and once i get some ikea furniture.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

I've just had the joy of visiting my doctor however he was on holiday at the snowfields so i got his impersonator who likes to write explicitly what i have wrong with me. A simple "viral infection' or 'flu' or 'bacterial infection' or a myriad of medical subtlties would suffice for a medical certificate but no, it had to be in big letters for all to see.
On the same day i get an email of some guy asking me if i wanted to have sex with him.
i would have if i wasn't shitting my kidneys out, i would have if it was summer and i'm hot from the sun, i would have if i had just exfoliated, i would have if i could be bothered but as you all know, my life is never so simple.
I politely declined noting my delicate condition "you don't want my shit to be the only lubricant, an no it doesn't taste like strawberry" however would keep in contact if i needed a spare plumber.

I'm alright now i think, the cup of early grey seems to have ventured into my bladder this time instead of my colon, i think i'll go back to bed, i can't believe i slept most of the day and the time with a pulsating hard-on. What's with me when i'm down with flu or sick i get highly aroused, must be some Freud thing in the past or is that Jung, one of those.... i should come up with psychoanalynical theories of my own.

The flotis theory where things happens for no apparent reason, have a profound effect then disappear from all trace destroying any historical clue.

There is no justification.

my farts smell funny.

Monday, July 02, 2007

In my delerium i wanted a Louis vuitton tote canvas bag , i was down with the flu and have come to my senses, well mildy.
First day back at work after a holiday feels weird, it was quiet so we sat on the floor and talked about our families because that's what people from the country talk about.
I ate nothing but drank peppermint tea and smoked a cigarette and called it a day my stomache still stabbing me at intervals.
"Dumb" and the "chinese swimmer" have boyfriends and it's interesting to see what people in love do with their mobile phones.
I think it's sweet, young love, it's so free and innocent, discussing names for future children and personal insecurities i wonder if i could talk such things with a partner or would i create a new persona with tailor made deficiencies to compliment his .
Could i be worried if he was worried about something?
It's all very sweet from afar.

My flatshare got pushed back another weekend, it's become the never ending story of my life.

And there was love.... which i fell for on a Louis vuitton tote bag.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

i do believe this tote is calling out to me, i absolutely love it, more than my own penis, i need this tote , however the price is making me think, my penis isn't so bad after all.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Since i left you......

Just been bumming round, contemplating what to wear, what to listen to, what colour my hair ought to be, the sun which follows the moon and stars that proliferate our darkest hours upon flights of fancy.
It's been raining since i got back so i haven't been fluttering about cafe/bar society, i want to roll my cigarettes however i ought not to smoke anymore. There was something chic about smoking in melbourne, it is allowed there none of this tobacco-nazism, i fear i've lost my attitude i've become soft and squishy like my butt cheeks after i've intensively scrubbed them tonight. Warning to those who enjoy a bodyscrub or two, avoid the salt based scrubs because if you have a cut or scratch somewhere it will sting like hell. Try for a sugar based bodyscrub, your body will thank you for it and your partner, hehehe.
I don't believe in facial scrubs if you have normal or sensitive skin, only if it's thick and oily or dry flakey and it must be follwed by a thickly moisteriser for the latter. I love dermalogicas 'daily micro-exfoliant' for a thorough cleanse without the abrasivness and since i'm not a big fan of their products, the micro-exfoliant is quite the exception. Pat on some vitaminC serum followed by a moisteriser of your choice (sorbelene for those on a budget or Elizabeth Arden Ceremide for those who like to splash out) I don't believe in anything over$100 for a face cream as i have been there and done that .
Don't waste your money, spend it on a good pair of shoes.
My biggest beauty secret for radiant firm skin is not from the beauty counter.
It's a healthy meal of fresh fish with the skin on, clear broths and lots of water.
I believe strongly in what you eat is a crucial factor to good skin, oily fish high in omega 3 fatty acids does amazing things for the skin, gives it texture and elasticity, i adore fresh salmon fillet, ones with lots of white fatty striping through the flesh and skin. Rub some rock salt on both sides, fry quickly on a very hot pan and you'll be gorgeous as Joan collins. If you're one of those, vegetarians, then there isn't much you can do when it comes to fish is there? however, i believe seaweed to be wonderful for hair and skin too and carrots, high in vitamin A to fights the 7 signs of aging.

At the end of the day, no one wants to look ugly and fat, to justify ones failure is merely an unenergetic excuse. If you can spend so much time watching Big brother then you can spare 30min to unwind and pamper, to put whats fallen down back to it's rightful place (i cannot stand women who don't wear bras, it's not a symbol of male oppression or appeasment, it's so you don't feel like you're playing hacky-sac for the rest of your life) , to firm things up, to exemplify ones aesthetic.
It's not all about being thin (it's easier if you are) it's about keep yourself beautiful and lets face it, if you aren't pretty on the outside how in the world are you going to get anyone to put it inside?
So you're going to end up a fuckless ugly mole? no! take control.

How do i assemble an ikea bed? the thought is sending me to a pot of Aesop tea.

I love Aesop!, i love tea! i love golden showers! under my um-ber-rella ella ella ella eh eh eh.....

Tomorrow i'm going to Latteria with my new shoes .

Friday 29/6/07

Latteria was great.

"Lanterne" has some gorgeous new stock, just one down from Latteria. They sell 'Voluspa' candles costs more than melbourne but then, we are in sydney after all.

I went for a walk and found in a tiny corner "Our spot" stocking A.P.C, nom de guerre and beat poet. Small, minimalist, lots of black and glass, quite unsettling , makes you want to look at the clothes. I do like their sneakers, almost dior like. It's very hidden because you go down this concrete hallway and a huge glass door.

Nice find.

Then i went to victorias basement and lost control rumaging through cheap cockery coming away with a mug .

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Let me introduce you to Miss Joan Collins the new face of Cellex-C.

A hoot and a holler is the best way i could describe my melbourne holiday, i felt so taken care of with John organising everything and reminding me, "how many bags am i suppose to have? i panic at luggage carousels .
Met up with momo on sunday on a rooftop astro-turf bar. She's as fantastique as what she writes, the real thing! we drank and giggled and skipped down the perforated steel steps into st jeromes. I was abit nervous before entering curtin house, so much so i got caught in the lift doors! jammed like a bent crumpet i was squished into the lift!
Shopping was a blast, the last day i spent at 'degreives' street and found a fabulous pair of grey /black suede shoes and a slow lunch with johns delicious lactose intolerant friend, i mean the things one can do with soy products....
Nick drove us round in a very big square, i saw fat-face luna park, tops of a blue bay...palm trees and back to fitzroy where i had to go into 'kleins' for a gorgeous candle, fuck the shoulders, i must add it to my carry-on luggage. I ADORE their goldfish soap, it's a toy goldfish in a plastic bag of clear soap! hahaha
If you ever in melbourne you must go into kleins in fitzroy.
With an hour to go before we get herded into the shuttle bus we sat in st jerome with the gorgeous pete, when did he become so gorgeous? and i got to meet with my long lost crazy-twin Natalie!
She's so fabulous i just wish i could bottle some of her and have her with me forever!

Eggs and smoked salmon became my food of life amongst the long blacks and well rubbed vinyl seats

Scotch and coke!

Rue babylon and hot d.js mixing funk with step-down bass

descending scary steps into ground floor serious cut-toure clothes at ASSIN

pair of pants by 'surface to air'

eggs and smoked salmon

Marais and what's-going-on-with-the-new-wave-of-street-style

fun! craziness! goodtimes! Greatful for knowing such good friends.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Bonjour from Melbourne!
It has beeen a shopping frenzy for the past few days doing little collins street like a well paid whore, i've made some select purchases.
A pair of Dior homme shoes with heels that make feet cry, dusty pink cardigan for mum at Burberry prosum, a pair of pants from Mirais and lots of long blacks, salmon and eggs and scotch and cokes all over this fabulous city.
Pete has taken me to gorgeous select cafes which lurk round dingy alley ways, pokey-promanades and Nick has ushered me into fashion haunts, miniscule galleries .
I love Assin, they have undercover, dior homme, anne deumsterkjhsdjhasdasduuu and dark sexy salespeople "we have alot of time for anne, she's one of our favourites"
Fitzroy was a hoot! with their cafes and bohemian boutiques, quirkiness with soft lighting and lots of prancing about in difficult shoes, shopping1 more! more!.
I do believe alot of friends have goine out of their way to guide me round, i love, love st jerome and that bar Rue Babylon, so cool i melted into the shdows of the d.j and more scotch.
J'adore melbourne! i heart melbourne! i kaka it !!
Anyway tonight i will wonder round aimless with tourist facination at the nights crispness (oh wasn't the night at Q&A frightfully cold?) and pop into that fantastic china-bar for gorgeous food.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Oh how tragic, i was at work yesterday and today, tottering around aimlessly.
"what are you doing here?" they ask...."i don't know!" i cried and then bumbled back out to some cake shop.
I realised i don't know how to have a holiday!!!

I bought some beading things, wire and crimping beads so when i get back from melbourne i' can make some pretty necklaces!! Oh dear, i've planned out so many things to do in my holidays i think i need a holiday to get over it.
I'm making some rose quartz and clear quatz crystal beaded necklaces for my mum as i think she looks wonderful in one i made earlier . And as my boss says, you got to do things, anything, with love or it's just nothing in the end.
How on earth am i going to perfect the knots?, you know there is nothing more painful than a bad knot.

I've penciled in my PDA saturday brunch with the fantastic Pete and brilliant Momo. I'm abit nervous as i don't know what to wear when i'm with a directional-vegetarian and the doyene of cool.

Ontop of all this i have to organise my taxes and plan out my message for summer. Last summer it was 'purity in form with a hard-on of an attitude' flat shoes ofcourse but this/next summer i don't know... since everyone has abandoned tight-fit jeans (i still adore, they show off my skinny legs) and wavered to loose cargos, i've notice alot of solid colour blocks in denim.
I urge all of you to say a resounding 'NO' to those hideous 'Aussiebum' crotch-forwarding underpants, i mean if you never had it in the first place you'll never get anywhere anyway.
Keep the mangina real, just have dirty thoughts to fill up the bulge.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Yes please, oh yes yes yes!! hahaha, tell me you can cook and clean and like to stay home after work to please me everynight???

The spending has begun in earnest, sales at Ralph lauren so i had to get some baby lambs wool jumpers for melbourne, isn't it so cute they shave lambs. A box of ceramide face masks and vitamin C masks , 8 hour cream etc, all i need is something patterny, there's a great lamp at an antique shop i saw once..

Farewell drinks tonight for little miss sunshine, some of us will miss her, some of us can't wait for her to go, some still too drunk to make up their minds. I didin't have much to drink tonight. 2 scotch and cokes and 2 scotch on the rocks. i'm proud of myself i was ok , i'm all grown up now and don't need to drink myself to oblivion.
Mind you they were doubles.

One of the apprentices resigned, not one i'd thought would but she had her personal reasons. Another one i suspect is about to make an announcment and one other, wont survive passed december.

A new client today asked me to give a quote, on her vagina. She wanted her bikini edges tidied and the hair from her "labia" removed, i went blank, where is ones labia? "oh but i don't want the hair in the front of my vagina removed because i get thrush and think the hairs there would protect it, and the top part here, leave the triangle but remove the edges and labia and underneath"
i was having flashes of some hideous velvet sports jacket with sewn patches on the elbows a-la american-country-meets-city look and miss-matched punk mohawk hairdos with paintbox colour streaks.
Hideous, tedious, revolting!
And it smelt like fish.
That's why i'm gay.
I prefer cheese.

All i want now is my holiday and settle into a new apartment, organize a healthy eating routine and then a boyfriend.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

I'd smack that if i didn't just applied handcream.

I'm so excited about melbourne i can hardly contain myself!!! so i went out today and bought 'travel-sized' shampoo, facial cleanser, moisteriser etc etc only to come home and find i had sample sizes already. But that's alright because i bought some vitamin C facial masks to use after a hectic days shopping.
The word du-cinq-jours will be cashmere, cashmere, cashmere.
I'm determined to get jumpers, scarves and even a blanket to keep me warm although i mustn't get a Ralph lauren throw...what interesting things throws are aren't they?
You just...throw them onto sofas and beds and even throw them onto yourself!
I haven't decided on shoes, i'll have to wear my boots because they're the heaviest.
I've got nick picking some things for me at Burberry already and the thought of Anne deumeister and victor and rolf and even a Mcqueen purchase is just pushing me over the spending frenzy edge!
I think i'll leave the Luxe purchases last because i want to give the local artisans a go first. I'm a great believer of supporting local industry and creativity as long as it measures up to standard ofcourse .
But the thought of a designer outlet store in the middle of the city with the possibilty of Missoni blankets and Ralph lauren bedsheets with matching european pillow covers is just making me ooze consumer-precum.

If only they had shops open 24hrs i could go shopping whilst John goes cruising at Peel....hahaha!

Oh but till then there's a farewell to get through and a long lunch.

Monday, June 11, 2007

i was on the brink of being absolutely trashed at Amys this afternoon.
It started off with some cocktail i forgot, why does she insist on making cocktails without a measuring glass???
Then a few glasses of crisp dry whites and a bottle of over-sweet Moet, next time i'll avoid the 'nectar' eventhough it made sense as a desert wine but , it was just too sweet after all the saltiness.
The usual suspects were there, we had tissue-thin bbq pork wrapped in lettuce leaves, mint leaves, strands of corriander....BBQ king prawns sloshed through some korean salty-chilli sauce their huge black eyes reminded me of erect nipples, korean pancakes filled with handfuls of seafood mix, baby oysters, infant squid and pippis and fish. In the end Amy swirled some wagu beef through rice vermicelli, very morish.
We drank abit more, maybe it's just me not coping with alcohol like i use to and was feeling abit fuzzy.
To think i use to drink so much and remained upright, i was positivly keeling over near the end.
Now that i'm coming round, sobering up i will be getting extremely horny.
This must be some adrenaline thing, i don't know, i remember my ex dreading that moment around 4am when i needed a real hard fuck to calm me down, poor boy would have to down a couple of red bulls to keep up with me. Now that i have no one and er.. work tomorrow.. er hem, i think i will have to go for a run tomorrow morning or something.
No wonder i'm still single, i think i scare men away!
Maybe i could give my ex-fuck buddy a call, the whiny bottom. This boy use to make whiny noises when i pounded him hard and when i hit his sweet spot he would make this long whine, almost like a donkeys bray which kind of made me laugh. I don't know if he's still around, forgettable face but he could bend his legs so i could fuck him sideways where our balls would smack against each other. Some people are quite bendy. Or 'the Ox'...he was this footballer who ..well.. was big in all departments and made me sqeal when he hit my sweet spot hehehe....
Anyway.... you know.. i've gone on this... 'no more sex for sex sake' crusade...wait till i find someone i fall in love with or something and then fuck like rabbits... no more fuck-buddies blah blah....
ergh! i'll go for a run now in my plagerised burberry check trainers from payless shoes i'm so going to buy fantastic shoes in Melbourne, God bless you all on the Queens birthday holiday.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

I want this coat or something close, it's Givenchy 07 couture.
Alright, Melbourne is confirmed, arriving on 21st and leaving 25th June, thanks to John for organinsing it all, it's not easy matching our hectic scheduals but it all worked out well.
Only thing left is the flatshare issue.
Living near work may not go ahead so if that doesn't work out i'll have to move out and get organised very quick as my new shift starts on 4th of July. Anyway like most things in my crazy life it happens all at once or nothing.

Work has slowed abit which is nice, not so rushed, post menapausal women and unkept men with hairy backs, it's not a nice affliction is it?
I'm fortunate as i'm pretty much hairless except oddly enough for my legs, but then i am 33 and being pubescent seems abit obscene, the kinky element wears thin after a while. I think i've milked that for all it's worth , looking wide-eyed with a bambi smile, as you get older you become more honest with your identity, less preoccupied at being something, playing the game.

This weekend is long so tomorrow i will be having korean BBQ with Amy my crazy korean/faghag/sister/drinking buddy etc
How we're going to do Korean BBQ at her elegant apartment is beyond me, i mean the fire alarms kept going off when she was doing tempura eggplant. We'll just get smashed and bitch about men and her husbands bent penis and why i haven't got a man yet etc etc. And drink some more Verve cliquot, maybe i ought to change it to Moet this time, it's a viscous cycle isn't it?

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Just some random hottness, reminds me of a boy i went to highschool with. As you can tell i'm all hormonal lately, i've even had a few nocturnal emissions darlings !
Waking up to sticky boxers isn't much fun especially in the freezing winters morning, i don't know what it is with me lately, it's like being 13 years old all over again. Geez.... when i was round that age i was a walking erection, it wouldn't stop nor could i, hehehe... oh the fun times..... all the boys at highschool., the drunken drugged-up parties when parents went away for weekend. We'd all rock up, drink ourselves senseless, do stupid things like light our farts, watch horror videos inbetween pornos, there'd be a fight or two here and there then later when we were trashed or so fucked up we''d see who could cum the fastest, furthest and the most, loser in each would have to bottom, hehehe it was quite porno when i think back, funny how gay-porn now a day seem to copy what we did back then. , i mean did we study anything at all? We were crazy, i remember teasing the maths teacher one time , he was one of those nerd like men, mid 40s wearing pringle wool vests, i had to stay back after class because i was so bad...oh so bad... hehehe.. so with me and him in the room i just moved to the front of the class right in front of him and proceeded to open my legs with a smoking hard-on poking out of my tiny grey school shorts , i was quite the sharon stone back then.
He didin't do anything except pretended not to look as his breathing got heavy, i got up and walked up to him, he was sitting down my jutting cock in his face he just stared and couldn't keep his mouth closed he hesitated then i walked back to my seat hahahaha!!. I managed to halve my detention time.
I guess you'd call that 'time management' nowadays.
Anyway, i'm back on adsl and life seems peachy.
Melbourne is back on the cards but for last week of June, hopefully things will work out this time round.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

I'm still here, languishing with a hard-on and 4 weeks of cum, i could use my cock as a fuckin sprinkler !!
I guess it's stress... work..... not them it;s me blah blah.... i was shouting all friday at everything, i was shouting "why am i shouting?"

Anyway i bought some new underwear and warm pyjamas and ate a big mac and large fries.

I've been hitting 4 hrs sessions with miss souvlaki, her legs and face and belly, i'm trying to convince her to do a brazillian

miss souvlaki "no... nobody goes down there anymore"

me - "but what if someone does, u know..accidentally, then you haven't shaved and it's a bush "

miss souvlaki - "oh it's going to hurt"

me - "everything hurts, i got hurt when i missed out on that Ferragamo belt"

me- "your vagina is like a driveway, if there's rubbish along it, how are you suppose to park the car?

i drink too much coffee and eat too much junk food, i'm surrounded by people in love it's nauseating, i was stuck infront of a love-struck down-syndrome couple the other day on the express train to Townhall. The boy kept saying "i love you" to the girl and she was acting all shy red as an over-ripe strawberry and he tried to kiss her but the train swerved and he missed and his thick glasses fell off to the sound of 'clunk'. The girl was like..lost in her shy-love-struck facial expression squirming in orgamsic delight whilst the boy was desperately trying to get his glasses off the floor, he couldn't see so i rush forth to pick it up for him, he puts it on his face quickly but it was upside down..... he didn't realise it.. i looked at him in horror as the left and right ear piece stood up behind his ears like antennea from a b-grade movie then all of a sudden he says to her "will you marry me?" the girl jumps up and down and says "yes yes yes yes" he jumps up and down "i love you i love you i love you"
Suddenly the carriage doors open and i stepped out into the arms of a winters day.

Monday, May 28, 2007

testing, hello, hello from dial-up hell...

ok.... i'm living in dial up hell ... getting a new adsl connection is just absurd, i got rejected by 2 companies due to some telstra connection thing, i am still on a waiting list for telstra dial up, i mean really, it's 2 weeks!! so i'm using an optus prepaid .
I just applied at TGP whatever, i just want a basic adsl connection!!!! god damn it.

Work has been busy... u know the usual crap.
I'm horny as hell but i just don't have time for bel-ami porn, i mean what language are they speaking>??????? and i get this weird naked email of some guy called 'david smith' sitting naked on a bed with brown velour blankets with an erect penis jutting up. On my birthday.

I have a stomach ulcer so i'm on these tablets which make me abit feel high.

I've been reading books, and watching dvds and shaving my balls with great care to leave no corners. Because i have the time.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Happy birthday to me!
33 years of craziness!!!

33 bloody years....

Saturday, May 19, 2007

I'm stressing!
This week has been busy, i think we made 10 thousand in one clinic, next week is even more busy if that is humanly possibly. However that means dumb and dumber are working at full capacity, since now they've been back-up only. I don't think one of them can cope with the stress, she has issues, alot of issues!! I swear if anyone is contemplating taking on apprentices look beyond the dollar signs and think twice. 17-18 YO's just don't get it, don't waste your time!!
Monday, lord i'll need a valium before work...normally it's chaos because the CEO is in clinic and me and dumber, which means i have to do everything!!
The only consolation is in 3 weeks (fingers crossed) i'll be moving into drummoyne to live, providing those house-people move out and in 4 weeks i'll be back to the other clinic so i can work in peace with adults!!

I guess you could say it's a learning experience and it certainly has tested my patience and challenged status quo, but it has also reaffirmed my belief that, weeds ought to be removed before they spread !!!!! God damn it.

Amy popped by on friday for lunch and we had warm sake, it was so yummy and we did ralph lauren and ferragamo and stumbled down the winding steps of the Queen victoria building.

I have a headache, horny and no lover to give me what lovers give, a bloody Big mac mcvalue meal deal!! jesus bloody christ!!!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

I took time out for myself today, i spent it hovering round luxe-in-the-city. Did the usual castlereigh st haunts using a 'winter coat' as an excuse to lurk about with my hair unravelled in black.
There was a fur lines winter coat at Versace that looked cute, reminicent of bundled children in eastern european countries and a silk-jacquared bag "you can scotch guard it" she assured me.
Climbed up and down Burberry which i must say has the best customer service amongst the brand-names. Do i really need a trench-coat?? no i don't but wouldn't it be glorious to have.
David jones and myers had nothing, maybe one or two denim alternates but, they're more coats than trenches.
Prada was so quiet, i did like a shirt there, black but slashed to reveal white stripes, kind of cool but that was summer and a moment has passed.
Pushing into Gucci cos those doors are so damn heavy, i waved to some sales-girl i've never met before and like dear friends we hugged and kissed hysterically to the horror of others.
In the end i threw on a olive coloured polo, it was a medium.
"oh i'll try it on anyway, i usually wear small" i quipped as i head into the dressing room. To my horror, i actually fit into a Gucci medium!!! I was shocked, mumbled 'this cant be right, no, no , no" then i pushed open the 7ft mirrored doors
"i'll just take this today"

I walked round in shrouds of confusion, 'how did i become a medium?, a Gucci-medium..... and decended into David jones foodcourt. Oh the delights, freshly baked cookies, truffles stacked from floor to lip-height, oyster bar, imported pasta with bits of wholegrain flour tossed in from some itallian grandmother at the foot of tuscanny, cheese! capers! Pate!
"it must be duck!" i demanded and this will be my lunch for tomorrow as i grappled some wild-seeded baguettes.

I love pate! i love love pate! i love love love pate!!

Anyway after all that hallaballoo i spent the rest of the evening dealing with a wireless modem.
I can't get a bloody signal so i have to walk round the house to find the right spot to recieve, it's the most troublsome receiving i've ever had.
The helpdesk-boy assured me to keep trying and one day it wil work!! one day it will work!!!

I've stopped smoking (again) the side affects have been terrible, panic attacks, getting worked up over nothing, getting violent ... client "stop slapping me! it hurts!!"
I'm getting these intermittent stomach pains but it's ok when i eat something, it's my body craving the warmth of inhaling nicotine, poor tummy...awww... so i've been eating alot which accounts for my upsizing, my fatness, my..obesity....!!!
So if i actually quit smoking forever i will be a neurotic crazy fat person but with clean lungs.

I can't fit into my Hussein chayalan pants!!!! fuck!!!

And single!!!

double fuck!!!

oh ... that's kind of hot.. ...

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Oh it's mothers day, did the usual, was lovely. I ate mango ice cream, hehehe

Anyway, we took gramps along too, poor old bugger doesn't know what's up or down yet he thinks he's some 21yr old stud.
He shows me photos of his recent 'girlfriends'

"this one is nice? or this one?"

i was bemused, all these 19 year old chinese girls with too much make up and wearing tight fitting jumpers, is that some sort of fully-clothed porn?
Anyway since grandma died 7 years ago he's never been the same, followed by quad-bypass surgery and radiation for cancer, it's amazing he survived this long yet still he wont use a bloody walking stick. Instead either my mum or myself gently hold his elbow, yes elbow, no other body part, when he walks.
He doesn't want to be seen as frail.
I think i blogged about the moment we had at the supermarket when his trackie-dacks fell off and he shuffled round the aisle with them round his ankles, "these pants are not much good, they too long " he commented as i tried desperately to lift his pants back up.
Or the time i helped him out of bed only to find him pantless with an erection and he goes, "still working, hehe"

Anyway today we had yum cha with him but he forgot to put his false teeth in so, er.. mum mashed most his food, then he wants this sticky-pork-fried thing, which he tries to chew in vain with no teeth only to open his mouth to spit it out but erm... it just got stuck on his gums and well, looked like he was trying to spit out a spiders web. I just grimaced, dad thought it was hilarious and said something most inappropriate and mum freaked out trying in vain to remove it all with her chopsticks.
Dad took himto the toilets to wipe his gums, mr smarty pants me.. gets some napkins and proceed to wipe the glutinous pastry thing off his gums only to find it sticking. Gramps ended up with bits of restaraunt napkin stuck all over his mouth as he forcably smiled infront of the bathroom mirror.
"ay yaaaa... "
my dad and i looked at each other and burst out laughing, gramps is there giggling away with tissue in his mouth.

I don't know, i need valium.

Walking round the shops with him is excruciatingly slow, however i see how happy he is and the fact that no one else takes him out... it's actually nice to spend time with him, i just wish he would stop taking his mini-photo album of chinese girls with him everywhere.
He bough 3 bags of caramel bonbons, 4 packets of raw sugar, 12 meat pies, 3 bags of frozen peas 2 packets of caramel koala "you can have one, you're a good boy !"
yes, he gave me one out of a packet of 12!!! hahahaha!!!
6 packets of toilet paper 9 rolls per packet, 6 jars of coffee, 2 whole chickens and 10 packets of scotch finger biscuits.
"that's alot of biscuits grandpa"
"shhhh.... don't tell anyone"
Anyway, we took him back and as we left he said to me.. " remember to do well in school and study!" and gave me $2
"buy some lollies any left over give to mum"

Friday, May 11, 2007

Hi Euphoria !


Me: Man
Date of birth: 21/may.
Current status: Single
Eye color: brown dark
Hair color: brown very dark
Right or left handed: Right
Zodiac: Gemini


My heritage: Asian
My fear: Flying
My weakness: solitude
My perfect pizza: anchovies! olives! basil! cheese.....


Your first thought waking up: where's my pants?
Tomorrow: work!
Your bedtime: horny horny horny
Most missed memory: sex, actually.


Pepsi or Coke: Coke diet
McD or Burger King: McD
Single or group dates: Single
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Lipton Tea or Nestea: Lipton
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee!


Smoke: Yes, more and more each day
Curse: like a lady!


Drunk alcohol: please
Gone to the mall: Yes
Been on stage: Nope
Eaten sushi: yes


1 minute ago: playing with my precum
1 hour ago: stroking my cock
4 1/2 hours ago: having a shower
1 month ago: shopping at Gucci
1 year ago: Spent it at cafes and smoking cigars


I love: being with good friends
I feel: horny but disinterested
I hate: broken pencils
I hide: bits of broken lead
I miss: being in love
I need: a man who can fuck me senseless and cook me a decent meal.

I'm so, sooooo horny.
But i'm all alone so it's back to the cold showers.


Saturday, May 05, 2007

What a day, worked 8 hrs straight on a girls legs then stuffed myself senseless at macdonalds, bigmac and 'son of the mac' which is a mini version of the big mac. I nearly threw it all up but i'm not that precious.
Finally figured out the PDA ! haha.. i can get internet acess using mobile phone as modem and exported all my address and phone numbers etc from computer and entered all my appointments which will beep at me when it's time! all this without any fuckin instructions. Added bonus is i can carry all my photos with me so i can see the faces of my dear friends who are, distant and inbetween. Who would have thought i could be sentimental.

I bought books, iggy pop biography and fidel castro and religion and florence broadhurst biog. I've been reading myself into oblivion.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Does my arse have Wi-Fi ?
These are the modern day issues i have to deal with especially now i got a PDA which you can access the W.W.W wi-fi style . It seems being a busy single person these days even your peripherals come no-strings attached.
Technology imitating life.

Must i hover round a wi-fi hotspot to get access? running from one fast food chain to another looking oh-so important but really trying to tap and walk at the same time without slamming into a lightpole or overhanging tree branch.

I'm so over at-home micro-dermabrasion.

I've stopped eating lean cuisine, found space in my bag for sour-fruit lollies and scoffing hashbrowns from aportos before 11a.m because, the world isn't allowed to have hashbrowns after .

Eating fish for lunch now, with chips and i must say, i had the most wonderful pate and roast beef baguette, it was so good i can't describe the way my mouth was feeling. It was better than sex.

Mind you i've forgotten how it was like to have sex, it's been a long time, so much so i think i could be broken in again!
What a great gimmick to get back.

And i am just waiting for some feral occupants to move out of a share house and then i will move straight in. We've concluded all the finer details it's just a matter of time, i'm quite excited as it is only a few streets away from work and it's not some grannys place , that i will be house sitting next week. I shall take loads of photos of this creepy place and harrass the tortoise shell cat with pictures of limp-wristed attempts at style from Australian fashion week.
The shit will be fingered out onto racks at Myer very soon.

I'd rather masturbate whilst sniffing Petes re-tread moccasins..... text only feed ha!

Saturday, April 28, 2007

I went to see a room this afternoon which turned into an absolute disaster.
First of all the photo of the townhouse was actually of the one next to it, squating in the shade of its bright paint.
When i walked in it smelt of undried panties and yellow underarm stains, the girl had the allure of a wet wipe, used.
She showed me the lounge, atleast that wasn't brown. Showed me upstairs to the room which she proclaimed could fit a queen sized bed, yes, queen sized bed for pygmies maybe.
The bathroom looked as if it had been cleaned by someone with carpal tunnel syndrome, dead skin cells partying on the shower ledge .

girl - "i have an ensuite in my room but i like to come into this bathroom for a bath"

me - blank stare

I was told about the rules of the house and that someone was waiting to see the room so she will text me on monday.

I stared at her blonde hair, it isn't natural, her roots seem to have given up any sort of statement, they're resigned to being fucked by a bottle.

I left hastily.

Whilst crossing back to victoria road i was sad, this room mate thing isn't working out like on big brother where they're all horny and eager for something. The reality is as appealing as globulous spit on the edge of a rubbish bin.

I popped round to my boss because i thought i ought to share my misery and who else better than with my boss.

She pounced on me and asked if i wanted to house sit for a week.

Oh, i thought, where? where?

it was only next door.

So she showed round this miniscule federation cottage heavily dosed with old-woman style.
Olive velour chairs and a ...wait for it, VCR player.

The redeeming feature is a friendly tortise shell cat and the opportunity of house sitting for 6months when the occupant leaves for overseas in a months time.

I felt like i had experienced a miracle , that God grabbed his toaster and shook the crumbs out and somehow a piece of burnt raisin toast fell into my life.

Tonight i spent in a panic, what do i pack?

Everything is so heavy, denim is heavy no matter how skinny the cut.
It's winter so i need layers which means the bag will be heavy .
I have to use a trolley bag and a carry bag.
I can't fit my candles in and i'm having a melt down with the thought of using my facial cleanser as a body wash aswell.

I wont have internet!.

I need more light but warm clothes, i need more cashmere , i need a big trolley bag., why do books have to be so heavy? is it because they have so many words? I have to take my laptop because the old woman hasn't got a dvd player, i have to take dvds , what about underwear? and i haven't even gotten to my shoes and manchester unless i sleep on her bed with her, er, bedsheets. Isn't that illegal?

It was easier when i was younger, i just arrive then suffered the consquences yet managed to rock .

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I've been stressin'.

The flat hunting/share scene is tough! i've been schedualed for an interview on saturday for a room! i feel like i'm on some big-brother type show and i'm thinking, should i wow them with my wackiness, wow them with my fashion sense, wow them with my shy, quiet tilt-head-at-an-angle lost school boy look?
I saw one place, it was a shared bedroom!! i don't want to pay to share with some freak!! i don't like having people sleeping ontop or below me, i'm not a slice of devon!!

Today is rememberance day, so i did.

When i was a little boy i discovered i liked penis and big ones at that.
When i grew up my penis grew too so i enjoyed myself alot then one day i discovered other boys had penis so i thought i should enjoy it but in another way. That's when i discovered the pain of anal sex and the joys of lubricant and to finger the area first before u sit on it or have someone put it inside.
Then i discovered the horrors of poop and lube and poking it about .

The end.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

i've been flat hunting, yes i want to move again but this time closer to work.

Flat-sharing is an option i'm looking at however it's so expensive round where i work so sharing may be my only option.

Something will come up... hopefully soon!

wouldn't mind flatsharin' with these 3...hehehe

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

My father observed the table behind me, the father was feeding the daughter and wife feeding the son, he thought it was amusing.

"did you feed me when i was a baby?"

"hhehehe, i blew on your food to cool it so u can eat"

"you mean u blew on the food? with your smokers breath!!"


mum " then he ate it. you never got fed when your dad was feeding you"

Since Pete has made a current faves playlist i thought why not moi?

Sarah mclachlan - Adia

Tori amos - Mary

Olivia newton john - Physical (samba remix)

A.F.I - Miss murder

Cat powers - Where is my love?

Britney - don't let me be the last to know. (music video)

Awww wasn't britney so pretty a few years back...

Monday, April 16, 2007

Alright, picking myself out of the darkness (that'll teach me not listen to sarah maclachlan) to clamber into work nearly wacking fellow train travellers with my oversized monogramed bag to find out that the drummoyne clinic had been firebombed! arson! they shouted. Turned out to be a minor fire in the back stock room.
So much drama for such a small business.
i say to mrs mui mui whilst i'm sticking needles into her upper lip with voodoo abandon.

"do people get buried with their handbags?"
"i don't know, but i would want a say in my accessories when i'm buried"
"you never see what kind of shoes dead people wear, they only open half the casket. "
"I would guess they would, can't be just the top half... no pants underneath!"

*both squeal in laughter*

"i want to be buried with my birkin and loubittons"
"i just hope they don't put me in sideways, i'd hate to get pillow crease"

**both squeal in more laughter**

i love sour-gummy fruits

i love passionfruit flavoured softdrink.

i love tying my hair up at the back but letting the front parts fall forward.

i wish i knew what it felt like to have someone fall in love with you. Again.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

I was thinking of a million things other than what i should have been today.
Last night i had another one of those dreams, i saw my grandmother sitting in some building lined with wine red swirls on the floor , long tables with thick plastic chairs and glowing sunset curtains. I came down a spiraling staircase and saw her and an aunt and my dad sitting there with a middle chair empty. I approach and notice each chair had a bunch of flowers beside it, bunches, roses, daisies, bouquets , my grandmother had a bunch of pink lillies not entirely open, i walk round and sit between her and my father . my chair had a canary yellow cactus like flower, succulently alien.
My grandmother said a few things, one was that my mother and her sister had been great friends to her and that she was about to be at peace, that is not inbetween worlds whilst at the same time my aunt beside her was mouthing words with no sound.
I woke up to hear the whirl of my computer starting up.

The other one i had last month or so was of an elderly-aunt who's also passed away i guided up a staircase to a post-modernist house lit with yellow lightglobes.

The others i don't recall , only when i'm in that situation i realise i have dreamt it before.

Oh well life goes on.

Tomorrow i'm having pancakes with Linda and little miss sunshine , to walk round the harbour and breathe salty air.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Life has been busy since amy's brunch.
Attempting to adjust to early starts and not panicking what shoes to wear to work. I wore my snake-skin heels into work on thursday and realised i looked too androgenous, one of the girls called me , poncy

I'm seriously considering a new career. I'm even considering melbourne as a new home for a while, i need to get away, start afresh. I could open a tiny cafe , if only i knew how to make coffee..... i could open a vintage store on the brink of salvation army.... i could do many things if only i put my mind to it.
But i do feel a change is needed soon.
oh how i envy petes borderline-bohemian.

I miss my art and imagination, it all died with the 9 to 5.

If only we could be ourselves instead of tracing shadows of past regrets.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Well, sunday brunch at Amy's started off with a bang! a moscow mule bang!

You see my idea of a easter sunday brunch is totally different to Amys, i'd have some gorgeous croissants and pastries, fruit salad , raisin toast, gorgeous seeded breads with chunky jam , coffee, earl grey, orange juice etc... but nooooo at Amys it starts with a freggin cocktail double shot in tall glass (11am.m) then moves onto champagne and more champagne.
We started with some light viet- noodles, the ones u make yourself, fabulous fresh, with vegetarian options. I so love, fresh mushrooms uncooked!
amyz amyy
Then we had tempura kingprawns, pumpkin, eggplant etc to which we drank continuously. But the most delicious of all was the blue swimmer crab in angel-hair pasta which was swirled through a double-cream and cheese sauce that skimmed the edges of the pasta , it was.... oh soooo... well... if i had to choose between a room full of naked bel-ami boys or the crab-pasta, i'd choose the pasta.
amyw amyv
It was so amazing, luxurious and fresh. More champagne!! and change of outfit.

The champagne kept flowing till 5, we caught up with our lives, some good some bad... "why are you still single?" she always asks, "why did they invent fake-leather? i ask and the day went through it's motions.

In the end we were jumping round to hip-hop music on channel V, all the while i thought "kick-push" was 'kate bush' we nibbled on dark chocolate and attempted to leave.
By the time i got home i had to lay down, i had a family dinner which i didin't turn up cos i was in the toilet throwing up and amy, well she had a romantic weekend away at a hotel with her husband but i guess, she fell asleep before she even got there.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

God i'm bored.

Easter is becoming tedious since no shops are open so i fill in my time with cooking and cleaning and eating. I can't sleep more than an hour or two extra.
I can't believe i cooked, i made a lentil rice dish with lots of butter and tonight i'm roasting drumsticks in a bean paste thing.
Fortunately i got my Gucci bag recently because i saw on the news last night (i was so bored i watched television) they were doing ramraids on luxury shops and a Gucci was one that got raided! Louis vuitton got ramraided too, but most of their better objects are upstairs, the shit on ground floor isn't that exciting. You'd think they would have better security.
Maybe it was a group of chinese tai-tais who couldn't wait for another Louis vuitton purse to use or Gucci heel to stomp round yum cha.

My mothers birthday is on monday however everything is closed that day so i brought it forward to today.
She as always says she doesn't want anything and since i bought her so many things during the first half of the year, really, she doesn't need anything!! haha! Instead we glammed up our usual afternoon-tea or high-tea some would pretentiously call it.
I ordered a gorgeous tiramisu cake which has it's sponges soaked in grand manier and huge vanilla slices from strudel-baron and took out the Royal doulton darlings. How gay!
Mum seemed happy, she prefers us to sit down and spend time together.
With our hectic work lives and shopping moments it's hard to sit down and spend time without agendas open and mobile phone ringing.
Talking about mobile phones, i am sooo looking forward to the Nokia 61i, it's a pda /phone that actually works and flat.
I have small hands i know ....but with these small hands i can type on tiny pda/phones. Is that a Jewel song??

I was mistaken for a girl recently as a client walked by our clinic, "who was that girl vacuuming monday morning?"

"it was me!, i was vacuuming!!"

Bloody hell, no wonder i'm single, straight people think i'm a girl with no tits and gay guys think i have a vagina.

I don't know, i guess i'm use to being single after all this time, single as in relationship, not one-nighters. Kind of scarey at times to think this is it, no more hugs and cuddles and looking into the eyes of the other person thinking which eye-cream would be suitible for him.
Infact i don't think i cuddled or hugged much, or held hands! well i don't remember really.
My ex and i use to watch tv laying next to each other naked, i guess that counts but that would end up with his cock in my mouth so it wasn't excatly romantic. Saves me having to go the fridge.

Anyway i'm having issues with my mouse, wireless has it's limits.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

hmmmm...... right thurrrrrrr!!

The week has been oh so breezey, i only get to work 3 days!!! woo hooo i so 'heart' easter, who would have thought i'd be into a dead jesus.
Work has been the usual, one woman couldn't believe it when i told her 'age' is a factor for her lip hair, i mean really.....
i discovered what panty liners do, they have this sticky-tape side which u place on the underwear!! how inventive!! i put it on the outside of my pants for maximum effect. I'm so glad i'm not a girl despite not having all the make-up accessories and cleavage. Having to deal with periods and things, not pleasant.
Did you know a tampon expands when it comes in contact with water?
did you know that panty liners absorb water but remain dry?

Miss dumb was quite amused at my discoveries.

I tried to explain who were 'the pussycat dolls' to the old woman, she thought it was dolls of cats.

me- " no, pooosy-cat dolls"

old woman - "fancy cats made into dolls what will they think of next"

I might buy some books for easter, i'm getting into the reading mood, almost halfway through that 'after the fall of berlin' book.

And i absolutely love elizabeth arden ceramide cream, it's so moisterising, i think i'll buy the intense mask for easter beauty. Get another gift with bloody purchase darlings.

I'm smoking cigarettes again, it's been 4 years since i touched a dunhill red but, i am back on them. However it leaves a hideous smell on my fingers so i have to smoke with rubber gloves on or use a cigarette holder.

Easter plans - sleep and eat and read and dvd.

- Sunday brunch ( 11am!! haha) at Amys.

I miss my dear friends so much, andrews in london, pete, nick and natalie are in melbourne, johns going to a buddhist retreat during easter.... greg is having his 'fantasy relationship' with another boy, not that he's a friend. ... cherelles in port maquarie....Lindas making tea and eating tim tams in suburbia.....Tims dealing with his recent break-up in tokyo...nori's somewhere in gosford with his hand up a cow....Yuji is M.I.A .... Ken's somewhere i don't know... whatever happened to all these people, small faces now in a breeze of quiet laughter... ah.. people... who need people....time to light those crabtree and evelyn candles.

So many break-ups recently, must be the new moon, to all of those who are finding themselves suddenly single let me assure you, it can only get better.
You'll have more room in bed.

Yes well atleast i can drown my sorrows with amy on sunday.

i still haven't bought a camera yet, bloody hell, i need to get my act together.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

What a lovely sunday, took my time and wandered out to the city and had a lovely lunch with john. Poor boy is recovering from some flu bug which resulted in him orally purging the contents of his stomach. Bless him, i do believe in a purge now and then, makes you lose an inch or two off your hips. We had a lovely meal, pumpkin rosemary fritata and gorgeous vegetable soup at the kino-cafe , the only thing that annoyed me were the hideous school-holiday-teens with their acne laden faces and green hair and 'korn' tee-shirts, the girls in black and white stripe leggins...that is soooo done! Emo? i don't know what the fuck it is but please spare me with your fugliness, get a scrub (head to toe) and sit in a tub of body butter cos it's the only fat you ought to be near.
Fat boys make me convulse. Fat girls....atleast they can be fag hags...but fat boys!!! Just don't leave your bedrooms till you've purged every cell in your smelly fuck-ugly bodies. You aint half way up a revolution thank you very much.

We skipped over to david jones and myer looking at manchester. Now i know i may be so gay in alot of areas but i'm clueless when it comes to bed furnishings. Darlings, when did a mattress need protecting? what are u doing on the mattress????
Can't you just aim it on the person???

Anyway i had a look, john had a look, and i think that bedsheets are overpriced however there is nothing quite like fresh bedsheets when you're having a good long fuck.

I went looking for candles.

You see, last night was earth-awareness-switch off-your-lights-at-7pm night and so i thought the environment needs to be kept in the dark so i switched my lights off at 7pm. However i realised then i couldn't see in the dark and went searching for candles which resulted in me realising i had no candles. Well i do have one, a church candle but that's not exciting to light.
With the computer screen as my only lightsource i was momentarily sitting in a room of swirling itunes generated images.
So today i thought i would go looking for candles to only find some which you needed to purchase a glass cup for, like umm... whatever!

Went round in circles looking for bloody candles, it's like liquor stores, where the fuck are they in the city??????
Poor john looked a bit pale being dragged round the city, we had a pitstop at that austrian/bavarian coffee cafe in QVB with all non-english speaking japanese staff!!!
After a rest and a drink we head into crabtree and evelyn which looks so bright and comfy. Managed to get two sets of candles there which came with bloody glass holders and down to L'occitane and got a lavender candle so i can lull into a haze of environmental conciousness whilst i sit round in the dark struggling to read the words out of Vogue. Is that kate moss or a chair? oh it's kate sitting on a chair...... is that allegra versace or an umbrella? oh it's a tampon.... just the string bit too.

The girl at crabtree and evelyn had wonky baby teeth, it was weird but she did get me all those cute candles. One's called 'window box' fragrance, it smells like a window box. I mean really, why don't they come up with one called,'sweaty arse on summers day' ? or 'cheesey dick and cotton underpants'???
Atleast now i will be prepared for any electrical cut-outs or turn off your lights environmental day

God damn the environment.