Saturday, April 28, 2007

I went to see a room this afternoon which turned into an absolute disaster.
First of all the photo of the townhouse was actually of the one next to it, squating in the shade of its bright paint.
When i walked in it smelt of undried panties and yellow underarm stains, the girl had the allure of a wet wipe, used.
She showed me the lounge, atleast that wasn't brown. Showed me upstairs to the room which she proclaimed could fit a queen sized bed, yes, queen sized bed for pygmies maybe.
The bathroom looked as if it had been cleaned by someone with carpal tunnel syndrome, dead skin cells partying on the shower ledge .

girl - "i have an ensuite in my room but i like to come into this bathroom for a bath"

me - blank stare

I was told about the rules of the house and that someone was waiting to see the room so she will text me on monday.

I stared at her blonde hair, it isn't natural, her roots seem to have given up any sort of statement, they're resigned to being fucked by a bottle.

I left hastily.

Whilst crossing back to victoria road i was sad, this room mate thing isn't working out like on big brother where they're all horny and eager for something. The reality is as appealing as globulous spit on the edge of a rubbish bin.

I popped round to my boss because i thought i ought to share my misery and who else better than with my boss.

She pounced on me and asked if i wanted to house sit for a week.

Oh, i thought, where? where?

it was only next door.

So she showed round this miniscule federation cottage heavily dosed with old-woman style.
Olive velour chairs and a ...wait for it, VCR player.

The redeeming feature is a friendly tortise shell cat and the opportunity of house sitting for 6months when the occupant leaves for overseas in a months time.

I felt like i had experienced a miracle , that God grabbed his toaster and shook the crumbs out and somehow a piece of burnt raisin toast fell into my life.

Tonight i spent in a panic, what do i pack?

Everything is so heavy, denim is heavy no matter how skinny the cut.
It's winter so i need layers which means the bag will be heavy .
I have to use a trolley bag and a carry bag.
I can't fit my candles in and i'm having a melt down with the thought of using my facial cleanser as a body wash aswell.

I wont have internet!.

I need more light but warm clothes, i need more cashmere , i need a big trolley bag., why do books have to be so heavy? is it because they have so many words? I have to take my laptop because the old woman hasn't got a dvd player, i have to take dvds , what about underwear? and i haven't even gotten to my shoes and manchester unless i sleep on her bed with her, er, bedsheets. Isn't that illegal?

It was easier when i was younger, i just arrive then suffered the consquences yet managed to rock .

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I've been stressin'.

The flat hunting/share scene is tough! i've been schedualed for an interview on saturday for a room! i feel like i'm on some big-brother type show and i'm thinking, should i wow them with my wackiness, wow them with my fashion sense, wow them with my shy, quiet tilt-head-at-an-angle lost school boy look?
I saw one place, it was a shared bedroom!! i don't want to pay to share with some freak!! i don't like having people sleeping ontop or below me, i'm not a slice of devon!!

Today is rememberance day, so i did.

When i was a little boy i discovered i liked penis and big ones at that.
When i grew up my penis grew too so i enjoyed myself alot then one day i discovered other boys had penis so i thought i should enjoy it but in another way. That's when i discovered the pain of anal sex and the joys of lubricant and to finger the area first before u sit on it or have someone put it inside.
Then i discovered the horrors of poop and lube and poking it about .

The end.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

i've been flat hunting, yes i want to move again but this time closer to work.

Flat-sharing is an option i'm looking at however it's so expensive round where i work so sharing may be my only option.

Something will come up... hopefully soon!

wouldn't mind flatsharin' with these 3...hehehe

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

My father observed the table behind me, the father was feeding the daughter and wife feeding the son, he thought it was amusing.

"did you feed me when i was a baby?"

"hhehehe, i blew on your food to cool it so u can eat"

"you mean u blew on the food? with your smokers breath!!"


mum " then he ate it. you never got fed when your dad was feeding you"

Since Pete has made a current faves playlist i thought why not moi?

Sarah mclachlan - Adia

Tori amos - Mary

Olivia newton john - Physical (samba remix)

A.F.I - Miss murder

Cat powers - Where is my love?

Britney - don't let me be the last to know. (music video)

Awww wasn't britney so pretty a few years back...

Monday, April 16, 2007

Alright, picking myself out of the darkness (that'll teach me not listen to sarah maclachlan) to clamber into work nearly wacking fellow train travellers with my oversized monogramed bag to find out that the drummoyne clinic had been firebombed! arson! they shouted. Turned out to be a minor fire in the back stock room.
So much drama for such a small business.
i say to mrs mui mui whilst i'm sticking needles into her upper lip with voodoo abandon.

"do people get buried with their handbags?"
"i don't know, but i would want a say in my accessories when i'm buried"
"you never see what kind of shoes dead people wear, they only open half the casket. "
"I would guess they would, can't be just the top half... no pants underneath!"

*both squeal in laughter*

"i want to be buried with my birkin and loubittons"
"i just hope they don't put me in sideways, i'd hate to get pillow crease"

**both squeal in more laughter**

i love sour-gummy fruits

i love passionfruit flavoured softdrink.

i love tying my hair up at the back but letting the front parts fall forward.

i wish i knew what it felt like to have someone fall in love with you. Again.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

I was thinking of a million things other than what i should have been today.
Last night i had another one of those dreams, i saw my grandmother sitting in some building lined with wine red swirls on the floor , long tables with thick plastic chairs and glowing sunset curtains. I came down a spiraling staircase and saw her and an aunt and my dad sitting there with a middle chair empty. I approach and notice each chair had a bunch of flowers beside it, bunches, roses, daisies, bouquets , my grandmother had a bunch of pink lillies not entirely open, i walk round and sit between her and my father . my chair had a canary yellow cactus like flower, succulently alien.
My grandmother said a few things, one was that my mother and her sister had been great friends to her and that she was about to be at peace, that is not inbetween worlds whilst at the same time my aunt beside her was mouthing words with no sound.
I woke up to hear the whirl of my computer starting up.

The other one i had last month or so was of an elderly-aunt who's also passed away i guided up a staircase to a post-modernist house lit with yellow lightglobes.

The others i don't recall , only when i'm in that situation i realise i have dreamt it before.

Oh well life goes on.

Tomorrow i'm having pancakes with Linda and little miss sunshine , to walk round the harbour and breathe salty air.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Life has been busy since amy's brunch.
Attempting to adjust to early starts and not panicking what shoes to wear to work. I wore my snake-skin heels into work on thursday and realised i looked too androgenous, one of the girls called me , poncy

I'm seriously considering a new career. I'm even considering melbourne as a new home for a while, i need to get away, start afresh. I could open a tiny cafe , if only i knew how to make coffee..... i could open a vintage store on the brink of salvation army.... i could do many things if only i put my mind to it.
But i do feel a change is needed soon.
oh how i envy petes borderline-bohemian.

I miss my art and imagination, it all died with the 9 to 5.

If only we could be ourselves instead of tracing shadows of past regrets.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Well, sunday brunch at Amy's started off with a bang! a moscow mule bang!

You see my idea of a easter sunday brunch is totally different to Amys, i'd have some gorgeous croissants and pastries, fruit salad , raisin toast, gorgeous seeded breads with chunky jam , coffee, earl grey, orange juice etc... but nooooo at Amys it starts with a freggin cocktail double shot in tall glass (11am.m) then moves onto champagne and more champagne.
We started with some light viet- noodles, the ones u make yourself, fabulous fresh, with vegetarian options. I so love, fresh mushrooms uncooked!
amyz amyy
Then we had tempura kingprawns, pumpkin, eggplant etc to which we drank continuously. But the most delicious of all was the blue swimmer crab in angel-hair pasta which was swirled through a double-cream and cheese sauce that skimmed the edges of the pasta , it was.... oh soooo... well... if i had to choose between a room full of naked bel-ami boys or the crab-pasta, i'd choose the pasta.
amyw amyv
It was so amazing, luxurious and fresh. More champagne!! and change of outfit.

The champagne kept flowing till 5, we caught up with our lives, some good some bad... "why are you still single?" she always asks, "why did they invent fake-leather? i ask and the day went through it's motions.

In the end we were jumping round to hip-hop music on channel V, all the while i thought "kick-push" was 'kate bush' we nibbled on dark chocolate and attempted to leave.
By the time i got home i had to lay down, i had a family dinner which i didin't turn up cos i was in the toilet throwing up and amy, well she had a romantic weekend away at a hotel with her husband but i guess, she fell asleep before she even got there.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

God i'm bored.

Easter is becoming tedious since no shops are open so i fill in my time with cooking and cleaning and eating. I can't sleep more than an hour or two extra.
I can't believe i cooked, i made a lentil rice dish with lots of butter and tonight i'm roasting drumsticks in a bean paste thing.
Fortunately i got my Gucci bag recently because i saw on the news last night (i was so bored i watched television) they were doing ramraids on luxury shops and a Gucci was one that got raided! Louis vuitton got ramraided too, but most of their better objects are upstairs, the shit on ground floor isn't that exciting. You'd think they would have better security.
Maybe it was a group of chinese tai-tais who couldn't wait for another Louis vuitton purse to use or Gucci heel to stomp round yum cha.

My mothers birthday is on monday however everything is closed that day so i brought it forward to today.
She as always says she doesn't want anything and since i bought her so many things during the first half of the year, really, she doesn't need anything!! haha! Instead we glammed up our usual afternoon-tea or high-tea some would pretentiously call it.
I ordered a gorgeous tiramisu cake which has it's sponges soaked in grand manier and huge vanilla slices from strudel-baron and took out the Royal doulton darlings. How gay!
Mum seemed happy, she prefers us to sit down and spend time together.
With our hectic work lives and shopping moments it's hard to sit down and spend time without agendas open and mobile phone ringing.
Talking about mobile phones, i am sooo looking forward to the Nokia 61i, it's a pda /phone that actually works and flat.
I have small hands i know ....but with these small hands i can type on tiny pda/phones. Is that a Jewel song??

I was mistaken for a girl recently as a client walked by our clinic, "who was that girl vacuuming monday morning?"

"it was me!, i was vacuuming!!"

Bloody hell, no wonder i'm single, straight people think i'm a girl with no tits and gay guys think i have a vagina.

I don't know, i guess i'm use to being single after all this time, single as in relationship, not one-nighters. Kind of scarey at times to think this is it, no more hugs and cuddles and looking into the eyes of the other person thinking which eye-cream would be suitible for him.
Infact i don't think i cuddled or hugged much, or held hands! well i don't remember really.
My ex and i use to watch tv laying next to each other naked, i guess that counts but that would end up with his cock in my mouth so it wasn't excatly romantic. Saves me having to go the fridge.

Anyway i'm having issues with my mouse, wireless has it's limits.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

hmmmm...... right thurrrrrrr!!

The week has been oh so breezey, i only get to work 3 days!!! woo hooo i so 'heart' easter, who would have thought i'd be into a dead jesus.
Work has been the usual, one woman couldn't believe it when i told her 'age' is a factor for her lip hair, i mean really.....
i discovered what panty liners do, they have this sticky-tape side which u place on the underwear!! how inventive!! i put it on the outside of my pants for maximum effect. I'm so glad i'm not a girl despite not having all the make-up accessories and cleavage. Having to deal with periods and things, not pleasant.
Did you know a tampon expands when it comes in contact with water?
did you know that panty liners absorb water but remain dry?

Miss dumb was quite amused at my discoveries.

I tried to explain who were 'the pussycat dolls' to the old woman, she thought it was dolls of cats.

me- " no, pooosy-cat dolls"

old woman - "fancy cats made into dolls what will they think of next"

I might buy some books for easter, i'm getting into the reading mood, almost halfway through that 'after the fall of berlin' book.

And i absolutely love elizabeth arden ceramide cream, it's so moisterising, i think i'll buy the intense mask for easter beauty. Get another gift with bloody purchase darlings.

I'm smoking cigarettes again, it's been 4 years since i touched a dunhill red but, i am back on them. However it leaves a hideous smell on my fingers so i have to smoke with rubber gloves on or use a cigarette holder.

Easter plans - sleep and eat and read and dvd.

- Sunday brunch ( 11am!! haha) at Amys.

I miss my dear friends so much, andrews in london, pete, nick and natalie are in melbourne, johns going to a buddhist retreat during easter.... greg is having his 'fantasy relationship' with another boy, not that he's a friend. ... cherelles in port maquarie....Lindas making tea and eating tim tams in suburbia.....Tims dealing with his recent break-up in tokyo...nori's somewhere in gosford with his hand up a cow....Yuji is M.I.A .... Ken's somewhere i don't know... whatever happened to all these people, small faces now in a breeze of quiet laughter... ah.. people... who need people....time to light those crabtree and evelyn candles.

So many break-ups recently, must be the new moon, to all of those who are finding themselves suddenly single let me assure you, it can only get better.
You'll have more room in bed.

Yes well atleast i can drown my sorrows with amy on sunday.

i still haven't bought a camera yet, bloody hell, i need to get my act together.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

What a lovely sunday, took my time and wandered out to the city and had a lovely lunch with john. Poor boy is recovering from some flu bug which resulted in him orally purging the contents of his stomach. Bless him, i do believe in a purge now and then, makes you lose an inch or two off your hips. We had a lovely meal, pumpkin rosemary fritata and gorgeous vegetable soup at the kino-cafe , the only thing that annoyed me were the hideous school-holiday-teens with their acne laden faces and green hair and 'korn' tee-shirts, the girls in black and white stripe leggins...that is soooo done! Emo? i don't know what the fuck it is but please spare me with your fugliness, get a scrub (head to toe) and sit in a tub of body butter cos it's the only fat you ought to be near.
Fat boys make me convulse. Fat girls....atleast they can be fag hags...but fat boys!!! Just don't leave your bedrooms till you've purged every cell in your smelly fuck-ugly bodies. You aint half way up a revolution thank you very much.

We skipped over to david jones and myer looking at manchester. Now i know i may be so gay in alot of areas but i'm clueless when it comes to bed furnishings. Darlings, when did a mattress need protecting? what are u doing on the mattress????
Can't you just aim it on the person???

Anyway i had a look, john had a look, and i think that bedsheets are overpriced however there is nothing quite like fresh bedsheets when you're having a good long fuck.

I went looking for candles.

You see, last night was earth-awareness-switch off-your-lights-at-7pm night and so i thought the environment needs to be kept in the dark so i switched my lights off at 7pm. However i realised then i couldn't see in the dark and went searching for candles which resulted in me realising i had no candles. Well i do have one, a church candle but that's not exciting to light.
With the computer screen as my only lightsource i was momentarily sitting in a room of swirling itunes generated images.
So today i thought i would go looking for candles to only find some which you needed to purchase a glass cup for, like umm... whatever!

Went round in circles looking for bloody candles, it's like liquor stores, where the fuck are they in the city??????
Poor john looked a bit pale being dragged round the city, we had a pitstop at that austrian/bavarian coffee cafe in QVB with all non-english speaking japanese staff!!!
After a rest and a drink we head into crabtree and evelyn which looks so bright and comfy. Managed to get two sets of candles there which came with bloody glass holders and down to L'occitane and got a lavender candle so i can lull into a haze of environmental conciousness whilst i sit round in the dark struggling to read the words out of Vogue. Is that kate moss or a chair? oh it's kate sitting on a chair...... is that allegra versace or an umbrella? oh it's a tampon.... just the string bit too.

The girl at crabtree and evelyn had wonky baby teeth, it was weird but she did get me all those cute candles. One's called 'window box' fragrance, it smells like a window box. I mean really, why don't they come up with one called,'sweaty arse on summers day' ? or 'cheesey dick and cotton underpants'???
Atleast now i will be prepared for any electrical cut-outs or turn off your lights environmental day

God damn the environment.