Friday, September 29, 2006

I got out of bed early today for some weirdo reason , maybe it's all this pent up fustration but it got me out of the house on my day off at 11am, impressive.
I actually went into work when i first arrived into the city, just to double check yesterdays man-with-ugly shirts bookings if i got them all right and wrote up novembers for him. Then i i hit the shops.
For a long time i wanted new cargo pants but couldn't find anything that worked or fitted so i went into myer to see, i found 2 i liked but when i tried them on, they were huge. Who on earth are that big even at a 'small' they were huge. I felt as though i was a human mop.
Then i did david jones who were clearing out their winter stock, mui mui, jil sandler (still over priced, from 800 to 250 for a basic white T-shirt?) amarni, hugo boss etc.. so many gay guys there, it was gayniverse, i mean really you can drop the attitiude you're only buying sale items.
Couldn't find anything i liked so i wondered round feeling very sad and it is when you're at the bottom of the pit that hope shines through... Burberry.
I went in and clicked my fingers at nick, "i need one of those polos, now!". He just laughed and we climbed the stairs like two fashion-whores gagging at the maxi-posters.
I tried on a few, the cut was perfect but the colours hard... i tried so many on and came to a hushed-chocolate, more flattering to my skin tone. It was fab, and quite a good price, infact i might replace all the ralph lauren polos with new burberry.
Ralph lauren polos are so common these days.
we met up later fo lunch with john at a tiny cafe in the strand, so tiny we could only fit because we're thin.
I poked at my smoked salmon and ate the fish only, left the bread "i'm not eating carbs, too many carbs!!!"

John and i did, amarni (crap) , louis vuitton, i love their huge man bag, so big you could fit nepalese sherpa and this boxy bag which was even bigger, you could fit 2 sherpas and their goats inthere. I made the sales girl model it for us, she was very excited but had chapped lips and you know, that's not a good look. Anyway, after all the talk and excitement i just said "thank you for that" and left !!! hahaha.
I found the old man opening and closing the door abit off puting, they should have a hot young one ,
Their clothe collection was shit, it use to be better.

After all this shopping my feet was exhausted so we climbed down into 'cafe and bar' the underground jazz thing at pitt street. Food's crap, drinks too strong, nasty but the atmosphere is nice, plus they have a lounge to flop on so john and i caught up with happeneigs over a vodka and tonic.

Go and watch VERSACE winter06/07 video if not for the attitude then go watch Donatella try and speak through her coke-fucked nasal passage and lips so big you could put out flames from a burning pot , darling.

But i'll always love Versace, they have taken over the 'high-voltage glamour-sexy" look Tom ford did for Gucci. Poor Tom, now designing perfume and sunglasses and Gucci is a woman in a mid-life crisis.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

You know when you think you're being a cunt life in all it's wisdom will show you show who the real cunt is.

So off i set to work... a delicious smoked salmon bagel at kino-cafe then window shopping at myer and david jones, lots of sales...sandler...prada..hugo boss etc etc but i don't like to troll through sale racks.
Then skipped up to work.. quiet day so i just organised things.. looked busy, made small chat with clients, looked fabulous and wafted in an out of the place..made tea for myself and sat back . 2 clients at the end of the day so really... i could make it to the quarter-past train.
However at the last minute as i was about to leave the man with the ugly shirts decides to book for october. The whole bloody month so i had to book him out in the book then write him a card with all the dates..ergh!!! then that done i go and get my bag and knock over a halogen lightbulb, **crash** in little pieces.
So i had to clean that up which resulted in me standing round the train station for 1/2hr very unhappy.
And i'm still single ... not even a look in... not even a wink ... oh wait i did get my arse pinched along oxford street by some drugged out rent boy last week.....woo hooo.... give me a gas oven and a nigella lawson dvd.

Life can be such a cunt!.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

This wont hurt abit....

Has it already been a week? No, not quite.

I finally fit into the Louis vuitton shirt i bought 2 years ago which at the time i purchased purely as an extra with other purchases. Shoes i think it was.

I put all my designer brand name clothes in the drier at 'high' heat as i do believe expensive clothes ought to be treated harshly.

There were so many ugly people around today. Ugliness is not necessarily a right-of-birth but laziness in tailoring ones appearance.
And this i take issue.

Why is it fat ugly hairy cunts can be married and then have children and walk round looking like...fat happy cunts... eating a 60cent macdonalds softserve cone?

Is wearing clean clothes a problem?

I don't think pink shirts ought to be worn by men whose belts are the only item defining their hips.

Is getting a size bigger too hard? harder than eating one less piece of junk food?

I don't like fat people.

I don't like european backpackers with dirty hair carrying a "wakeboard" (Jesus christ lay me an egg) on public transport
looking bleary eyed.

I don't like European backpackers who don't shower.

i don't like European backpackers who spray deoderant under their shirts whilst walking. Who are you trying to deceive?

I don't like Backpackers in general.

I don't like Backpacks.

I think fatness is a disease and should be battled with stamina equal to a horse in spring-time on the verge of ejaculation.

I think alot of things and horse ejaculating isn't one whilst i'm drinking Milo.

Party on sunday night at John (the scientist) with a gaggle of under 30s which will make me feel thoroughly unpleasant and if i see one "gay old white guy" i will make sure the evening will be most entertaining.

I can be such a cunt that even cum would call to cancel it's appontment.

In some strange way, it's quite empowering to be honest about ones failings, prejudices, intolerances rather than live some, facade waiting to be exposed. Honesty isn't always pleasant, nor is it correct, it's accepting truth for what it is and respecting the right of others (most importantly yourself) to express non-pragmatic ideas .

I'm so happy i got that all out.

Right.... next.

Friday, September 22, 2006

I had quite a day today wandering round darlinghurst in very-sydney summer temperatures.
I wanted go up to hyde park to hand over some old bank statement mail to ken but the cafe he worked at said they've never heard of him before. I headed into Burberry to have a chat to Nick and he showed me round, some interesting pieces, i like their single row studded belt.
I actually walked all the way to wall from Burberry, insane in this sweat inducing humidty but the Guava granita at wall was worth the hike.
Headed up to Aerial, thought deb would be there but she wasn't. Only that woman with the false smile and man whose pallor could only be described as, forgotten-spinach-at-the-recesses-of-an-infants-high-chair. Yes they were all there, except for Deb. So i popped over to Latteria with some uber-magazines and slow-drank coffee whilst grabbing a quick cellular banter her.
The evening was wrapping it's mouth around our existance so i hid in Berkoulouw till Gav could come up and have a few drinks at 3weeds.
We drank, we ate some strange seafood mix dish, smiled to the gorgeous lady owner with the welsh smile and headed off to Unas for
I couldn't really stuff myself because i was wearing a tank top that refused to hide any excess baggage. But the conversation with the delightful Gav managed to ease things .
Gav's probably the most straight gay guy who was straight i've ever met!

Anyway i'm thoughly chilled out for tomorrow as i am sipping refreshing-tea from Aesop, the store with perforated white walls which made me feel abit nauseas after staring at them.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Oh it's been busy, sort of. Have a relative over from USA so i've been eating out at chinatown alot this week, tried the new korean place at hurstville that's finally opened. Was quite good actually, spicey, nice chairs.
I've also been updated on the latest collections in tokyo and had a catalogue fed-exed to me and i fell in love with a black wool very tight dinner jacket but instead i ordered a grey-blue scorched rams skin dinner jacket! How could i pass that one up and it was under a 1000 so.. god, i can still bag a few more lighter items.
It's quite amazing buying clothes with merely discriptions and rough idea. The photos in the catalogue were too arty so detail was lost.
I'm so excited i could cream my new american underwear which i'm finding a bit tight around the thigh area.
I'm getting fat thighs!!

I must diet, i had a salad on tuesday which was divine , would have been healthy if it wasn't for the bacon and creamy dressing which looked like vegetarian-jizz after too much basil.

Have i had vegetarian jiz before? i don't know.. most of my men havebeen meat eaters, they tend to have more amonia , more bite in their cum.. o0h yes.. i did have sex with a vegetarian once but that is a tale worth telling another, day.

oh and.. something for Gav. [click here]

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Oh how i adore mountains of muscapone in cakes and delicious body products.

Hair - The body shop Honey moisterising shampoo and conditioner

Face - Skindoctors - Retanewal cream . Stabilised high dosage retinol cream. You can feel your skin giving birth in a matter of minutes. Push your hidden youth onto the surface!
Oh, that's a good line...

Body - Sorbolene soap! I recently re-discovered this oh-so-common soap and loving it. Cleases without leaving the skin too dry but no weird greasy film like some body washes.

The body shop Passionfruit body scrub - Gel type, not too harsh and wont leave you feeling like a penguin stuck in an oil slick.

Dove body glow - self tan that is gradual so you can control the intesity from sun kissed to tahitian native. Easy cream application, no streaks.

Nivea body cream/lotion - A classic that quickly absorbes and does the job. No fuss, to the point.

Skincuticals Vitamin C and E serum - face to body serum to reactivate collegen production . Painfully expensive ($240 approx for 30ml) but it's lab-grade skin products (no artifical additives for packaging purposes) and it actually works.
I use it after scrub or excessive sun exposure.

L'occitane shea butter handcream- very thick and rich. Smells divine.

To think i've reduced my lotion and potions since i'm single and.. er... got no one to impress.... to think i used a different product for every body part (body-tailoring)... you know you're good when they be moaning, "you taste so good " and they haven't even started on dessert.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Jenga causes bottle-blow-jobs.

I haven't had so much fun in ages as all this work has taken the life out of me.
Had to go into work on tuesday at midday as another staff member went awol so i wasn't amused.

I had to take my mother for a bone scan this morning, routine thing we do, however we got lost walking round the maze of hospital wards and ended up asking a patient with no hair or eyebrows.
"i know my way round, i been here a long time"
me - "i hope not for too long!"

oh dear.

So anyway afterwards we had yum cha.

I went home and got changed to meet up with nick for drinks, he was only doing coffee but he ended up with 2 beers and a vodka-mandarin.
We parosed through some select street-fashion stores, stumbled back to his place and we.....

drank ourselves sensless on mandarin-vodka.

Then we had to go to an art gallery in surry hills for an opening by Johns dear friend.

"we're friends of John" was the quote of the night, it got usinto every part of the opening, v.i.p area (crap decking out the back) .

Everything was "great' and i love it", years of customer relations has taught me to believe in whatever i want others to believe.
"It's wonderful you've made this exhibition so successful, it's just wonderful"
Afterwards we had pizza at some , pizza place and bitched severely the crap we just saw.
What a crock of shite, they were asking for gold coin donations in exchange for some cat-piss beer, i dropped 10cents in and walked away.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Busy busy day, couldn't find cookie-man for some cookies and coffee before work , apparently there's a cookie place at david jones. So i went into Haiges and got some over-priced chocolates. They were ok.... yer, over-priced.

Work has been, well you know work, if only this weather would get its act together as i do want to do the cafe and pub scene this friday.
And my thighs are getting bigger i guess from all that stair-climbing, just hope i don't end up with fat thighs like so many weirdos on the train system.

Oh, yes, dvds tomorrow, got to get some from J.B. my life is a constant financial outlay.

All i've been doing is sleep, slept all sunday, it was raining so heavily you couldn't go anywhere so i slept!! hahaha... i think sleeping helps cells to regenerate and you know, you can never have enough regeneration.

Oh and, lastly, i've gained alot of weight, i bought a compact gym thing so hopefully i will get my body undercontrol. The upside is my penis has gotten quite thick, i never knew fat transfered down there.
I may need to buy yet more "roomy" underwear to help ease the squeeze.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

But it's all right now, infact it's a gas!

Had a wonderful smoked salmon bagel at Kino-cafe, after it has been revamped it's been the spot for smoked salmon bagels.
And they smile.

Smiling is such a rare commodity these days in Sydney city world, less so in suburbia.

First up was tess, the woman who uses pin-rollers on her face to boast collagen production .

me -"oh tess darling, you know nothing reverses the aging process"

tess-"oh don't say that!!!! no!! i can't accept that!!"

me- "you will have to, rolling needles onto your face isn't going to make you younger! it's your face not a piece of shortcrust pastry!!!"

And i had the man with ugly shirts for 3hrs.

I raced to the train with gale force winds blowing my hair and lifting my steps, i felt abit dramatic until i walked into the ticket machine.

Yes, why are so many retarded people on the public transport system? including me!

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Water! ........... please.

It has been a wonderful weekend with Pete, Deb,Mel,Kate,Janine et al kicking off at the Russian Pub down in the bowels of Glebe on Saturday night. We laughed manic-fits in the patio-garden inspired by a very minimalist spainard .
Pete's looking less 'newtown' and more'fashion-magazine' with chiselled features and that amazing twist-cut hair.

The evening ended with a camillia-petalled dim-sim plate and abrupt waitressing but who cares, we were amusing ourselves with haughty stories.

Today i met up with Pete at Latteria then to Forbes and burton. It was going fine till i crashed heavily after drinking one of Taras double Gin and Tonics. However it's times like these that the best quotes come out and pitter-patter our minds.

Tara - "Haven't seen you here for a while"

Me - " i'm trying to lose weight"

Pete - "do you believe in re-incarnation?"

Me - " oh god, once is enough! "

And then we cabbed to Glebe only to be turned away at the chocolate shop but we did meet up with the lovely mel and instantly i felt so much better rehydrating at Badd-manors cafe, laughing and being glorious amongst mels beauty.
John joined us and deb calls me whilst i'm peeing.

We caught a cab back upto crown st in a cab that played very loud bangarra-bollywood-arabic-house-music. The subwoofer vibrated our giggling intestines, it was the most funny cab ride i had ever not including the old guy who wanted a blow-job.

With us 4 basking in afternoon spring sun, the day drew the final curtain and we departed in the same way we met with kisses and hugs of the most insinuous kind.

Friday, September 01, 2006

It's been a stressful week so much so i can feel the tendons in my neck. If i was a whore i'd be sewing up my hymen just to special, again and again and again....
I had to go and "promote" our business, i mean yer sure get other businesses to make business for you, what a great idea.
Like they don't have anything else to do.

Stupid idea alert!!

Anyway so i did it with Karen who wanted to be anywhere else other than venturing into hairdressing salons with too much attitude and no customers.

Then Tuesday was bonkers, it's bonkers when you go into the clinic and smell bleach and bloody meluca-sage cleaner. Some serious shit went down.

Wednesday i had the usual, i'm eating whole freggin chillies nowadays, you figure.

Thursday, even though i mosey in at 4pm the shit hit the fan in delay so i was amongst it. Alot of angry whispers to which i placate with calm smiles (i looks stoned but hey, it beats looking angry, i can't afford the wrinkles) and i had some indian spicy soup at kino. which actually tasted quite nice but was abit too spicey. My face was red when i climbed 4 flights of marbled steps.

Friday, i had yum cha today which was nice and scampered through spotlight for pliers, wires and eyelet-pins.

I haven't smoked all week and i'm feeling it.

Sunday at Glebe Pete??? chocolate cake and smokes? god, i remember that time when i blew that huge cigar, freaked everyone out..haha.