Monday, January 29, 2007

I'm one step away from Plunging head first into some majoy Givenchy purchases, i hate Gwen stefani for plagerising the back-to-back 'G-G' symbol for her own shiteous label of hoodies , trackpants and sunglasses mutated from Tom Fords designs. What a cunt!
Anyway they are totally impractical, i can't fit lunch into them (why am i eating lunch?) but oh, the leather trim and shiny shiny metal hardware.

I haven't had sex in months , i've been working my arse off and having to deal with the C.E.O directly every monday, what a great way to start your week ! And i got a birthday party on saturday out in the 'hills' district with some middle eastern guys and gals (work related but they hot) where the fuck is that?
Plus i have a meeting with someone about organising our telecommunications in the clinic, multi-platform communications, er , i don't know! i'm totally fucked!! i have to look like i know!! kaka!! big KAKA!!!
And i haven't figured out what to wear to the meeting, do i bling or just wear Prada? !!!
Ontop of it all we got 2 country girls who we have to train as apprentices, good God, i met them on saturday and oh sweet Jesus bum, we may need to start with some emergency liposuction . They had to walk sideways down the hallway for Christs sake! oh and the clincher was when miss doughnut says to me
"i may not be pretty on the outside but i'm beautiful person inside (pause) here"
"Just the one dear?"
MUAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... ohhh no i didn't say that i just tilt my head to the side and made a smile that looked like i was over come with emotion but really i just wanted to throw-up the contents of my duodenumn and said in a soft voice,
"you are beautiful **places hand on miss doughnuts hand, oh it's actually her finger** i see that coming through"


Is there a word for people who treat fatties like that? besides 'cunt' there must be a proper technical term, fatist? boomba-basher? obesist?

On some calmer news, i got some cool shirts for mum at Ralph lauren on sunday down at the Quay and sniffed round COACH whose accesories are pretty funky, young, fresh! And ok, i admit it, i had a quick poke round Louis vuitton but i didn't buy anything!!! i swear!! why am i using exclamation marks??!!!

What's with all these german dutch swedish backpackers of late??? geezus it's like abbaville !!! i just want to throw soap at them and say "we do wash here" AND "fuck... haven't you seen people from the asian continent before??
take a photo why don't you!! it'll last longer!!!
Bloody backpacks. Oh, i was carrying one today...... ermm..but it was Prada.

Anyway, i really need a smoke but i haven't even had time to do that, i mean i had to squeeze in latteria at 3:30pm sunday. that was my only "down-time" .

Oh and today, i did a G-string bikini, the bottom bit not the top on a partially-deaf girl who lip-reads so i spoke really quickly just to make things interesting.

Hm... Givenchy .....

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Time has become precious as i marvell at moments and try to recognise myself in myriad of possible incarnations.
As i tried in vain to keep dead leaves from the entrance and wild summer winds push glass doors ajar and the fluctuating barometric pressure signaled thick grey lurching forward up in the sky my heart threw its self on the floor and screamed for my attention. Amongst shrills of an angry telephone, the dry scrape of lead pencil skirting along perfectly lined booking paper and pressence of souls in various moments of expression gently patting their faces with ice and walking away closer to becoming socially invisible . All i could do was let him throw and kick and cry till tears of indignation were left like tiny photos flicked open from brass lockets for me to sweep away.

The flowers shudded as my father poked a european wasp nest with willow and a can of incesticide he created his own overcast day nearby. They writhered as babies freshly born to die thorax arching in mysterious itallics their wings crackling and my shoe print across vaporating eyes. A nest the size of your fist, not mine, fibre, soil, leaves regurgitated into perfect cells was filled with tiny white replications dotted with black-eyes-open witnessing this massacre recording death of the family to only be part of modern history, our contemporary revolution , their argument for devolution .

So tomorrow is sunday! i shall walk away into the world unchanged and pretty without my sugared heart but i know that eventually i will become nothing more than dirt for wasps to spit out .

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Atleast we got the same underwear.

Ok, it wasn't too bad yesterday.

We decided to make the best of it, me and little miss sunshine had macdonalds and sat back with some trashy magazines. We caught up with the latest craziness at work and did a bit of work .

One woman i epilated didn't take the pain very well, she kept arching her back and shaking her body, looked like she was having an orgasm, hehehe, was kind of funny in a weird way and then i find out the coppola-girl (she looks like sophia coppola) is actually a, lesbian! hehehehehe. I didn't know! i was in shock!

"omg! you're one of them!" i exclaimed.

We got a lot of lesbots clients but they're pretty ones, hehehe.

Anyway i've been posted to work in the city half my week and half in the blue-rinse. I don't mind, happier that way, i could have wine with lunch in the city at that little cafe in the strand.

Sometimes i wonder if this is what i am meant to do eventhough i enjoy permanently epilating peoples body parts and the remaining staff are really inspirational "senior electrologists" the C.E.O finally acknowledges, a conversation with the coppola-girl made me think.
She quit her lucrative job with an international media company to go travelling and explore her options.
She said "so many people get into a pattern and then become afraid to change so they don't think and don't take other options. So many options out there"
As i get older i do feel more vunerable thus look for safer options, when you're young you don't think of mortality but more about the thrill of chances . But once you have taken those chances and realise at times they don't pay off, there is opportunity and opportunity for loss.
I guess fear sets in and resigning to the mundanity of living.
Bills have to be paid .

I felt this year would be good to just set myself into work mode, before it's always been abit scattered with lots of adventures to fill in time. So many guises to play and charades to perform and letting the hours flow beneath our feet. Cafe days.

White picket fence, my favourite clothing store has finally closed. The place where i got introduced to skinny jeans and Hussein Challayan pants and westwood belt... finally closed.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

I'm sitting here about to go to work but all i want to do is stay.
All i want is to not pretend to be 'happy there' although at times i believe in what i want.

I want to run round newtown in japanese wooden clogs and watch a movie and drink coffee and smoke and talk about dreams and characters and watch the sun cast shade after shade along scribbled walls.

Lots of things we can't recapture look so good.

ok, i'm off to work now.

Friday, January 19, 2007

"Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods
Where's the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?"

Smoked salmon and a bottle of dry white in some tiny tiny cafe along the strand arcade. The waitress looks like a model but has hips build for insemination and the stud-waiter has ceasers bald skull.
Lunch was long as we had extra time to spare before the onslaught and my noodle-in-a-bowl didn't turn me on.

The greek accountant was first off my pretty tangent, first treatment so lots of surprised facial expressions with reassuring "i'm tough" lines thrown to my feet , fallen in puddles of mock concern.
He had a girlfriend but left him on the day he preposed and goes to the north for drinks.
One look at the shirt he hung oh so neatly behind the door, the tiny but horrifying red-dot symbol of mass consumerism cheap-starched-striped business shirts in plastic bags like some unwanted vegetable in the $1 bin.

She dropped the zero and went shopping at Valentino.

A house wife here and there, some young dumb thing wanting to be smooth for her new-husband and a tiny old lady with 60's white leather handbag that had a clasp! worked at the bloodbank "i don't do anything with blood, just administation" she laid perfectly still whilst i inserted needles into her nostrils.

And then, of all the bloody buggery buggers comes the elderly tranny.

Her hair was a mess, head like marlene detriech but after death and wore this "windows XP" tracksuit!! It was free at the microsoft convention??? what the fuck???? and to finish it off she had tanned pantyhose on.
"see my toes are curled, they don't look so nice like those girls in sandals"
"what girls in sandals? oh your toes, er.. yes.."
"when i go to th-ailand (she pronounced the 'th' as in "theory) i will have everything done!"

i'm thinking, honey you're pushing 60 in a blue nylon windows XP tracksuit unable to pronounce Thailand properly, please sit down and count your bingo numbers.

"so...who do you want to look like?" i stupidly ask

"Delta Goodrem in Thigh-land they can do that"

Sure madame windows-blue-screen-with-quasi-roman numeral-version-of-some-shit-hole-operation system you're going look like Delta goodrem,. then i'll go to Thigh-land and have them make me into a blue triangle Mr Cool from Mr men.

She kept looking at me in a creepy way and said how she would "love to have your skin, so brown and exotic" then proceeded to stroke my arm!!

FREAK-A-LEEK !!! no spring onion please.

There was some other tranny with the drama-queen so when i finished and walked out to reception i see this huge figure with long fake hair covering the front of the persons face, how i know it was the front, she/he was trying in vain to put ice onto their face but it just was on their hair.

I just thought, 5 minutes to go and it'll all be over.

On the trainstation saw this really hot guy, mmmm, but then i looked at his feet and noticed he was wearing thongs/flip-flops with that used dirty outline of his feet on it. Then proceeds to eat take-away sushi from its clear plastic coffin.
ERGH. Hot but, er... dirty thongs/flip-flops and eating sushi on a train station ERGH.

Some homeless man walked round in tracksuit pants with half his pubic hair sticking out carrying empty plastic bottles.
A girl drinking out of 2.5 litre juice bottle. I know it's more economical but it really is not a good look and what you going to do with an empty 2 litre juice bottle when you're on a train station ??? besides giving it to the homeless man with pubic hair sticking out???

Bulk-buy bottle bongs???

I'm smoking again.

I know i know, but it was that or ending up a manic masturbator.

I did buy perfume by the way, it's "serge luten gris' soft and summery, kind of smells like what advertisers would want us to believe womens panties in summer would smell like. Sweet and virginal with a hint of juicy musk that's been rubbed gently with burnt wood!

God damn it, i smell like womens panties.

Anyway, my week has been such and these days drip slowly through the perforations of exisitance.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

"Well can you send me a pic of yourself, i mean i could turn up and you be some 60year old morbidly obese guy named bruce with loose teeth"

Work can really take the shit out of you, especially if it's full-time whilst u struggle with flu.
My boss was coughing and wheezing all week and bought this huge spaceship vapouriser which covered most of the city clinic in a fog of eucalyptus and kept showing anyone within an inch her creepy ghost photos. Fortunately it was abit more sane in the other one .
Why is the air con. in trains so cold?? it could be mildly warm or 40c but whenever u step into a train it's 10c?
Why do people eat subway in the train? it stinks out the whole carriage .
Why do teenages/emo kids hang round under the townhall steps? it stinks of urine! leave some space for the homeless!!

Fortunately my flu has gone away now after sleeping most of the non-working time. But i'm getting really sick of instant noodles in a cup . I miss the french cakes and gorgeous things next door. Two more weeks till they re-open....

I need to work out again, im so out of shape and feel embarrassed in skimpy clothes.

Where are my skimpy clothes?

I did this womans nipples on thursday, she had huge holes in her nipples i thought for a moment they were going to squirt at me.

But it was nice to catch up with the wildgirl, she works in adelaide now and goes to the beach after her work, swim,tan then cooks dinner. What a life eh. makes me want to go there , who would have thought adelaide as a prospective haven.
3hrs on her underarm and bikini top.

I didn't go out at all this week, just for a moment to get silver shoes.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

If only it couldn't get anymore hectic.
Work work work, the clients have been much better this week, i had the fireman on tuesday, lovely fellow, so big.. i mean.. as in build, so much of him hehehe anyway then i had the Screamer, who is by all accounts a lovely lady, but she tends to scream and burst out in a sweat. She was much quieter this week however earlier on i had this girl who must have been going through know.. lady flow month .
"it's so sensitive...ohhhh... " *burst out in sweat, i had to mop her up with napkins.
Then we decided to try her bikini line and when she took off her pants i saw so much hair i never seen so much, it was long and dense and all round her thigh, more than me!
Anyway she only lasted 30min cos she just couldn't take it, i had to change the bedsheets she got so wet.
Llife goes on, i got a flu thing, coughing and wheezing at first i thought i had hayfever but i think it's more than that. But that's ok cos everyone has it at work so we're sharing pseudoephedrines, yay!

Today i went out to incu and bought silver flat sneakers! so fab! then ate sushi train and emptied out 3 packets of wasabi on the fried baby octopus balls, they quite small....

So no one guess the thing below... it's a female condom, "Diaphram"

It comes in a gorgeous pink hardcase to pop into your purse for those, special occasions.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

This is a ...........

Winner gets nothing in particular.

It has been so hectic lately i could feel my clitorous receeding into a womb somewhere or something like that.
Work has been all go go go leaving very little time for anything. I had to sqeeze an hour Fragrance hunting on thursday, they sold out of Marc Jacobs Grass, Cotton, Rain. Who would want to smell like Cotton? idiots, mind you i wanted to smell like Grass.
I went to every perfumery in the city, nothing, either they don't stock it or sold out.
I was devastated , took me years to actually like a new fragrance, at the moment im using Micheal kors which is very, umm.. strong and sexy but i want something light and fresh to match this new persona, the 2007 of me.
Anyway, screw that, i'll look for something else tomorrow, i'm determine to smell exclusive and fresh.

Had a bunch of difficult clients lately, they just want,want,want! so afterwork i go into Darrel lea chocolates and bought so much chocolate earned myself a $5 voucher. For more chocolate.

One client complained that i didn't do her nostrils last time because i " seemed scared". First of all, we don't do nostrils, we do nasal rim! so she flipped up the sides of her nose "is this visible enough for you?
Oooook... inhale, think calm thoughts...
So i did what i seemed "scared" to do last time, i inserted 8 lots of 16 needles into the thin meaty bits of her nostrils..
" have the current up as high as u want... i want all these hairs gone... OHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.................EEEEEEEEKKKK.....OHHHH SHITSHITSHITSHIT OOOOOOHHH...........
She went into a sneezing fit but hell will freeze over if you're going sneeze after i've inserted freggin hair-fine needles up your nose , so i held her nose together watching her face explode bright red , 6 times.
I thought pleasant thoughts.
Afterwards she thanked me as she stared into the mirror to see if any hairs were left.
"all gone! just gone!"

Client number 2 wanted his beard sculptured even though he is going to have all of it removed.

me in monotone "Would you like me to do your initials on ur chin?"

client number 2 responds in a joyous tone "yeah! yingyang would be good"

Client number 3 "i think my bikini line is crooked"

me "it's the way you're holding the panties"

She looks confused so i demonstrate by moving her panties left and right then a small bump slips out of the side, it's fleshy and round i look at her confused.

client 3 whispers "i'm going to have my boys removed next week, they've been tied for months now, my boys are about to leave the nest, forever"
she/he sighs i squirm on the inside but smile like Ivanka trump post liposuction, you know you vant it baby.
If my daddy was Donald trump i would completely mispell the word incest.

Some random shite came in and asked if the hairs can be replanted after we have permantly removed them, on his testicals.


Sure use a bloody compass from back-to-school specials bargin basement bin!!!!

Deep breath.

The army boy came in this week, 7 hrs on his neck and shoulders, thank god it was split between 2 people, he has to have it all removed because he's going into the army.

Yes, you try and figure that one out because we couldn't.

On a happier note, the Lactose intolerant tranny will look round "local supermarkets cos that's where they hide" for clear M&Ms.
I made an off the hand comment about why there aren't any see-though smarties or M&Ms and where do peanuts go when their shells get robbed. He/she rides a bicycle in a dress "i can't get the right size, have to have them custom made by my girlfriend, she makes clothes for all those famous celebrity dragqueens"

umm what famous celebrity drag queens?????????

I nearly suggested a bodybag but really, i ran out of coffee.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Today is the day after the end of 2006.
As most end of years there were explosions in the sky and sentimentality falling through hotel awnings into unrecognisable bits to be only trodden on by crowds of onlookers.
It wasn't suppose to be like that, resigned to hiding and hoping it would just tick over but at the last minute John threw possiblities across my path and i took it.
First was drinks down at chippendale with Dayvd, anymore champagne?
Then we bused it to camperdown, don't think i've ever gone there before but anyway that's where i met Xiong and his boyfriend, Daniel. Yes, that Daniel.
We haven't seen each other for years, so much has gone under the bridge i don't know when exactly we took sail, away from each other.
It was a surprise for both of us however it was good too, finally finish what we should have all those years ago.
He hasn't changed still tall and pasty white with an obtuse sense of humour even though it has bevelled throughout the years. He's become what he always wanted to have , something i knew i couldn't give.
At times i catch him reticent at this new lifestyle, the infantile and vapidness, confused at why he is in the wading pool but then you can't have it all your way, as long as your core vision stays, the rest can melt into the shadows.
I guess i missed him, but you can't take back what you have given away, as i said we set sail on different paths.
I am happy for him, atleast our conclusion has been set.
John drank hideously as usual, ha! how much can the boy drink!
The people there, vague, young, amusing . Interior was quite good with the salvation army decor, they made it work except for the red plastic stools.
And the host, made a wonderful roast beef and potatoes, absolutely delicious. If only i knew how to cook....

Round 11pm we legged it back into the city into an office block near the harbour.
Met the lovely Swedish Julia and the ambiguous matthias, don't think i want to psychoanalyse swedish men aslong as they can put ikea furniture together i'm fine.
Julia wore a funky sailormoon-meets madonna-leggins!! I was creaming my fashion pants darlings. I love the quirkiness and she's tiny and has a sweet personality so it was just, so fab. The rest of the crowd up there were those boring breeder-fashion victims.

The fireworks came and went, i've seen it all before, bang bang happy new year.

Getting home was an experience.

We ran to a bus that was being hurridly boarded by allsorts, young man started to kiss an old woman passionately before she could pay the driver, a large indian family came wooshing out of nowhere with 16 kids and somehow managed to board within 3seconds, i counted. It was kind of frantic, exciting, sexy except the bus got very crowded and the air con wasn't working.
A man with the british flag across his back (is it st georges day??) hong kong housewife picking her nose and korean guy scratching his teeth.
I curled up on Johns sofa listening to the intoxicated outside his apartment, screeching of distant buses, rattling of gossiping fruit bats flying between figtree to fig tree whilst mosquitoes hovered above my head like a black string halo stung me all night long.