Care of John's flickr.

Well, Christmas was so well behaved around family , faux christmas trees and botox smiles. However boxing day was fun!

Headed down to Lyns micro-pad in Elizabeth bay right on the water, gorgeous day and fantastic tibetean and korean food by tien-zin fantastic wine, champagne and gorgeous water views and yatch things, anyway the day was so lovely.
Then we had a few drinks and Amy started to unhinge.
We got a lecture on how her husband didn't buy her a birthday present.. wooo that went on for hours , even when i kept filling her glass up, it got to the point when she couldn't even hold the glass, some of us ate roast pork soaked in sauvinon-blanc.
She told us also about a dream she use to have about a dark monster and a client who had a leg cramp and she had leg cramps too and then she passed out!
Amy ended up on lyns sofa oblivious as we had Dusty springfield and Faithless blaring out of the stereo.
We knew it was time to exit.
John and i hopped over to Nicks for some more drinks, i eased up because throwing up is not an option for me anymore, but it was so nice to catch up with Nick and john and drinks and cats and things.
It's still bit of a blur but we ended up in chinatown later eating vietnamese food.

Boxing day photos at flickr.

Boxing Amy.

What on earth has happened to my face?

Maybe it's the stress of dealing with le family who i only see once a year and realise each time how old i am, "i use to babysit you!" **runs away in horror**
I do believe it might have to do with a muscle relaxing cream i've been using which i was quite sceptical of but i like the cherry smelling cream. Ergh, after 6months i realised in photos i have this stoned/tired/fucked-up expression!! even if i move every other part of my face.
I''ve overdosed on muscle relaxing cream!!

My head hurts alot, really alot, how pissed could i look?
So John ever so graciously offered drinks at his house amongst his housemate having sex and trying to sneak back and forth to bathroom. Quite amusing.
We hit Stonewall, god that place i haven;t been back for ten years. Met johns danish gay couple, was interesting, nice people, the Danes. All i could think of was Danish cookies and Queen mary and i don't know.. blonde people. They got alot of attention. We were ignored as usual. Oh wait, john was asked if he was selling pills by some retarded twink and a crazy girl with lacey finger-cut gloves got her glomesh handbag stolen.

Saw Gav and friends, we sat round looking fabulous and drank whilst fat people took off their shirts and danced.
Party drugs make you do silly things.
I hopped over to Pheonix, and omg, it was tragic.
A dozen or so people, a lesbian felt me up (again) and later on some muscle guy was chatting me up, he was kinda nice but short but i wanted to dance, not get laid. So i told him i was straight and it got him even more excited. Anyway he left me alone eventually. I jumped about and flung my head like a cheap bag of chips in a violent fight amongst hungry seagulls.
It was fun, it would have been more fun if it was busy, like before, in the past, in history.
Atleast Pete got to experience the sweatiness of it, i think Gav might have freaked out.
Ah, but he was preoccupied in Gloria Jeans with a very lovely boy who owns backstreet boys cds and speaks with a quiet south african accent.
I have a strange feeling he might be bottom. And you know what that means.

Ouch my head.

I'm about to go out clubbing with john, nick (if i can find him) and friends.

It's strange, i'm feeling very hesitant and just want to call the whole thing off however it is the perfect evening for clubbing as christmas is 2 days away so i can get myself presentable for that then boxing day i got 2 parties to do.
It's been a while, a long while, since early this year but that was with that boy who ran away. So i guess there is a little after effects still there, i feel old and fat and...well... i've lost that nievity that i had about venturing round the scene, to be seen, now i don't care if anyone notices or not, i don't need that validation.
However i thought i could really have a fun time with nick and john and even catch the famous Gav and take him over to pheonix make him experience the "toilets" there.. hahaha.
I'm older, wiser however slower and resigned to what life always is , a passing of human events.
I started to get panic attacks again since monday i guess, i thought they could still be the nicotine withdrawl symptoms but it's oh so familiar. Rocks my confidence and makes me devolute and hide.
But i know if i give in it'll make it harder to do other things later on, more adventurous and complex (such as being on that God damn fundraising committe) so i'm going out tonight not only to catch up with some great people, jump around (do i remember how to dance?) lose some weight hopefully, and lose myself into the world of sexy drum beats and sampled psychedelica but also, to say fuck off to demons of discontent, 2006.

I miss Andrew very much when i think about the crazy-club days we had, dressed up like freaks and taunting the plastic-boys. Laughing at our own misfortune, having a hot pash with some stranger outside his place then climbing up those stairs and into the heated toilet.

Spoke to Prem today at lunch, she's still in a state of shock, she tells me
"i keep thinking he's going to SMS me or call me or enter through the door, it's like a nightmare but it doesn't end"

And then i think, i should live abit more.

Oh, i'm back to full-time starting next week, 2007 is looking busy already and it has yet to begin.

It's been a year already, these times seem to extinguish innocense ever more quickly.

I don't remember what i've done this year, sober? smoked less? met a rugby playing indian, worked abit more, spent less, tried to control fat, spent more time with family, no my grandfather still isn't dead.
From Marilyn manson to Amy winehouse back to Marilyn manson.
2006 was an unfulfilled year, artistically barren and emotionally anorexic with lashings of grunge pretense.
I slept alot.
Wore skinny jeans.
Got praise from a teenage goth boy about my weird shoes.
Became semi-hermit whilst old friends flew away to distant places , their distant faces.....

I don't have nicotine to occupy my mind just thoughts.

Part of my angsty youth withered away and all that is left in its wake are stormclouds of malice.

Oh but ofcourse to level my self loathing when i went into work on tuesday afternoon i was told Prem's new boyfriend she had saved herself for, the boy whom she introduced to everyone that day, holding her handbag with a bunch of roses fell asleep at the wheel of his car on the sunday and crashed into a tree in the middle of the night.
Dead at 24.
I didn't know him, i've even forgotten his name but i remember seeing how happy Prem and he was saturday afternoon.

I've got to try and make 2007 into something more than treading water.

Ah, erm... i ended up at some bar in darlingharbour on a balcony with glass tables along the edge. Well i hope they were glass tables, after a few vodkas i don't know.
We had our christmas staff party at this bizarre french-chain-resteraunt with faux tree trunks and monkeys stabbed through out the place. We had alot to drink , alot of wine and shits and giggles.
I had quail for entree, veal medallion for main and lemon meringe thing for dessert! fantastic!
Then i get an incromprehensive call from Amy my crazy-korean friend about drinks on boxing day.
Oh, i drank so much i felt it this morning which i proceeded to go out looking for new lighting for the house.

My head is still abit of a blur however i'm enjoying my voice which has fallen 4 octaves, don't know how those hollywood startlets do it, partying and still look great.

Everything seems like a haze lately, it's this weather , it's this christmas overload.
I've re-aligned my bedroom (again) and purchased more woven grass baskets to give my space a more polyethnic vibe mixing metals and futuristic plastic with rawness of handwoven baskety things.
I'd really like a dog actually, a pug. . They so cute! and compact! I could take them out in a Hessian "make a difference" bag from oxfam and wear peruvian beanies whilst pug bites off the pompoms!
Oh the possibilities.
But as night follows day carpets of ink and violets the woven basket thingy is sitting on the floor.
Work has been.. the usual... i got a new client from afghanistan! ohhh how exotic!
The ice-maker in our new fridge is working finally so there's nothing quite like having a constant supply of cold-cubes , yay for automated ice!
I hope my new stepper machine arrives tomorrow, i want firm buttocks.
And i got the staff christmas party on saturday oh the times we're going to have, we scored a bottle of our favourite drink each.
The drag-queen got a case of V.B (tres vulger) , miss C got a bottle of Burbon, Madame L. got red wine and i got a bottle of vodka! woot!
We 're going to drink it all saturday night and get terribly raucus relieving ourselves all over darling harbour, most probably throw eggs at Cargo-bar or do a shit on the ice at Ice bar. Fun!

Also, i've been put in a committee of some sort. I don't know what exactly but my boss says it will involve rock music, fund raising and er.. committees.
What do you wear to a committee?
If it was a court-case i'd go all out and go down to the vault and wear my dead grandmothers Tiara! God damn it.

I had a quaint lunch with dear John this afternoon.
We had smoked chicken and cranberry sandwiches and latte and lemon ice tea. We talked about our lives, other peoples lives, the paucity of fashion and he wore a striped Ben sherman polo top which reflected his youth oh so evidently whilst i flickered in the shadows.
He is still knitting his scarf but by the time it is winter i will wear my ultra-thin fox fur tie and we will buzz around fashion like blowflies behind cattle.

(there's no nudity, just social-intercourse).
Here's Francois sagat, some new wave gay-pornstar whose claim to fame is blurring the lines of sexual identity. No wonder straight guys are going all 'pretty' on us and girls doing post-degree studies, where are the straight men? they scream.
It's all so confusing however this interview is a classic.

Anyway i bought a stepper machine and intend to step myself into a firmer booty. So firm i could open beer bottles with it.

Oh, and Francois has tattoed hair. Yes, it's a tattoo on his head.

I'm eating pears heavily coated in custard, i think that's saying something.
Saturday, ergh, spent 5 hrs removing hair from a girls buttocks then on the way home on public transport i was stuck sitting next to a group of teenage boys who wore these hats and dressed in what i would call, new-wave emo where the emphasis is on block colours and asymetry but no angst (cos they all on prozac). They were posing and taking photographs and being loud about the party they went to and a movie that had "sex scenes" . They wore those hats.
I could have mistaken them for mannequins from Myers however these moved and talked, unfortunately.
Bah, maybe i'm just getting old, grumpy and old.. hahaha. I guess i was just as loud a few years back.
We all know what a job does to your free spirit.
So today i went over to Forbes and burton for a solo-lunch, just me and a weeks worth of magazines i want to catch up on.
Am reading, well, looking-at-the-pictures of Vogue italy. It has a celebrity issue and Nicole ritchie is on the cover. She looks so glamourous with that huge head of hers and tiny wrists, tiny wrists! I don't have a clue what's written but i could make out some words. Nice photos though and it came with Casa vogue, Vogue home which had some great retro 60s interiors more nature and stone surfaces than bakelite-kitch. Some great ideas and inspirations there. One of my favourite interiors is one of Bob dylans study room where its just a simple table and chair (cane thatch seat) ceramic vase and flowers with bits of writing paper , solid waxed floor boards but not high gloss and gorgeous ceramic ashtray and cup of coffee. A minimised english cottage scene pushed slightly to the edge.
So chic and simple .
Lunch was turnip and salmon mash on sourdough and two eggs. Quite filling but oh so delicate.
I exclamied "Eventhough i wear fur and leather was the salmon mashed with the turnip?"
Tara - "um, no. The salmon was poached in milk then gently flaked through the turnip and potato mash"
The way she described it was so fabulous i had to taste the milk-poached salmon gently flaked through turnip potato mash.
I also had mango and rasberry swirl in celebration of these 60's haute-interiors i was flipping through. It was really a glass of mangos, so thick! so sticky and mangoey, i had naughty thoughts whilst trying in vain to move mango-flesh inbetween my teeth.
Lunch was fantastic as always, i strolled to Townhall as i am getting hideously fat but cannot stay away from food and i haven't smoked for weeks now.

The glorious summer sun warmed celtic skin strewn across Hyde park, a derranged frenchwoman chasing white cranes and pigeons sailing on the glassy pond infront of the war memorial. Evocative moods amongst fig tree shadows and a mother telling her son to only press the button with his elbows at the traffic lights because he had to eat with his hands later.
A man carrying a tiny maltese dog kissing it's wet nose and the wind that hid behind starbucks wooshed across our faces as we crossed elizabeth street.

I bought a scarf at Oxfam for my mother for christmas, i was tempted to go Gucci but, i think it's time to change, time for meaning in our consumerist hearts besides she already has a Gucci scarf.
Nearly bought the pumpkin-shape tea pot however, i've decided to use what i have, use it till it falls apart then buy. To stop accumilating and start utilising all the tings i have.
The cup above was actually my grandfathers, finding all sorts of things in the bowels of oak laminate cupboards.

I woke up early today so i can run into IKEA and buy a corner desk, assemble it and have lunch at Latteria but when i got to Moore park it was gone! Just gone!
So i came home to a bedroom without a fulfilled corner.
Might have to buy it online.
Anyway manage to get myself out to Latteria and have coffee with John and his new haircut. Looks great! And he was in his usual element kind of modern preppy sports. We hit white picket fence because he was looking for a pair of shorts but i came away with a Dior homme shirt .
I nearly bought the helmut lang black jeans however it looked big on me, despite being size 28. Ventured into Burberry to say hello to Nick, poor thing was dealing with a group of mainlanders but we managed a quick chat then got out of there. Perved about David jones, lots of 'street' clothes with cute boys wandering about.
Ran round Myers as i bitched about fat people on the escolators and then john goes.. "look, on my right" and i look and it's this youngish guy who wasn't, er....thin. So many bored sales people and overdressed perfume vendors, i mean really, all you're doing is spraying perfume at people at $9 an hour, why are you wearing a suit?
God, i could never work at a department store, i'd rather pick rubbish off trains with plastic extender-grip.
There was this really hot guy at Myers whilst we were venturing round the kiddies clothing section because John can still fit into a size 12-year-old. He was built and had a shaved head and his shoulders looked like they'd been licked by the sun. Omg i could have spooged Thomas the tank engine if we didn't move onto another section.

Eventually john left empty handed, it's hard to find the right pair of white mid-crop pants, shorter than capri.
But never give up when it comes to fashion, it's all about timing.
Here's the scottish guy with the tissue in his pants post
and i didn't smoke today at Latteria. i'm doing ok after watching Bai-Ling sing.

11 days of sobriety, i'm desperate for nicotine,

Whilst i was shopping today, carting through walls of sugary cereal boxes and long life milk i was making odd faces at people as i passed them. I'm not partial to body odour, i believe it isn't natural to smell so vulgar.
However when i got home i realised i can still smell it, the smell was on me!
I didn't think i smelt before, i have asked collegues this and they have said, "you don't smell" maybe they mean that i couldn't smell what i actually smelt like.
I was thoroughly distressed.
Since i quit smoking and curbed alcohol i found that my senses have become active but my enthusiasm fallen off the cliff.
I feel dull without my smokes and drinks.
It's all in the head , it's all in my head, the same head that squirts cum.
i better call tyrone.

They do have those black babies at oxfam and this cute brunette twink who chatted up the skater boy standing next to me noticing me only when he stopped scanning "and that will be $125 thank you" and turned away again.
I was rejected at an oxfam shop, how depressing.
Where's that girl with down-syndrome who sings to herself wiggles songs and... does the movements?.

Where has my rock and roll vibe gone?

I can't fit into most of my pants anymore, my black shirts faded, i smell and i broke the leg off a black baby whilst showing it at work with bits of fabric-fluff falling onto the carpet.

"She's bleeding!" miss C. exclaims

"fuck! i've killed my black baby!" i scream hurridly stuffing her into my Gucci messenger bag which i tried to zip-up however my babys head gets caught almost decapitating her.

She's ok now, just abit wobbly when the nanny (Bette) feeds her.

Long and tedious day, i'm not smoking, i'm not smoking, i'm not smoking....but i already noticed my waistline expanding and i haven't had much to eat, ok had a slice of tiramisu for lunch but.... anyway.
I'm determined to beat this le smoking attitude i even thought about going back to my spending binges, can't believe i contemplated a Hermes tea-set or an Omega watch. However christmas shopping can be stressful when you have so many choices.
But this year i have decided to not to out-bling anyone and buy all my gifts at the OXFAM shop to help fairtrade and poor people in, poor countries make..poor things for wealthy countries to buy. It sort of makes sense, i wanted to buy these black babies cos i can sooo do Angelena Jolie better than her... all i be missing is Brad.
I've kind of given up on finding the right man, to live happily ever after but you know sometimes you just hope and then realise you got to put the other shoe on and you're already 10minutes late.

Life is what it is, life.


Tim@Tokyo says: (1:27:58 PM)
when i go out to bars; i noticed i am starting to wave a lot

flotiz - 7 days no-smoking and hating it! says: (1:28:12 PM)
why are u waving?

Tim@Tokyo says: (1:28:29 PM)
and handing out business cards

flotiz - 7 days no-smoking and hating it! says: (1:29:20 PM)
u realise that becomes a target of ridicule

Tim@Tokyo says: (1:29:34 PM)
yes

Tim@Tokyo says: (1:29:43 PM)
i thought i would embrace the identity

Tim@Tokyo says: (1:29:55 PM)
like the newtown man

flotiz - 7 days no-smoking and hating it! says: (1:31:05 PM)
creepy

flotiz - 7 days no-smoking and hating it! says: (1:31:14 PM)
u getting creepy

flotiz - 7 days no-smoking and hating it! says: (1:31:30 PM)
but do u have a special 'goodbye wink'?

Tim@Tokyo says: (1:31:40 PM)
oh? he does?

flotiz - 7 days no-smoking and hating it! says: (1:33:15 PM)
yes but the right eye doesnt close down all the way

flotiz - 7 days no-smoking and hating it! says: (1:33:21 PM)
its a demi-wink

Oh, update... this is the man with glass eye entry way back when i had sex on easter.

I awoke to the most nauseating head ache at one side of my head yesterday morning.
For a moment i thought i could do some fabulous private hospital with pink walls, cable tv and monogramed disposable slippers but it was only a head ache.
Although the sharp precise pain has subsided i'm feeling sleepy. Maybe i'll slowly fall into a coma and wake up 50yrs later to be a media celbrity "wakes up from 50yr sleep" or fade into obscurity within the health system.
I felt better after a cup of coffee.
It's amazing how powerful withdrawl can be.

So, work today and i'm not going out this week because i want to try and live this budget. Last week i ended up spending twice as much as i normal.

So i will be doing domestic things....

i'm bored so just have a perve at all these hot guys.....

The day after.

Managed to meet up with John this afternoon for coffee before work which was nice and i lent him the 5th series of abfab and we chatted about this hot red-head british chef holding a bottle of vodka, i mean that's the ultimate isn't it? Red-head good looking, can cook and a bottle of vodka. We canvased his sex addiction and that american at an international hotel.
Then it was back to work.
I had 4 hrs with muscle-bank guy which was easy but you know, these days are frought with insecurities and escapism.
Glad i didn't go into Hermes stepping out with tea-sets and blankets, styed home and did domestics like, wash the blinds and eat turkish delight ice cream.

Dinner with gav was great! we had sushi and seaseme ice cream, very yummy!
Then hit the newtown hotel which was littered with old men and 40year olds trying to look 25 and boys looking for a root. This I.T guy kept waving at gav and came up to us and chatted. He was weird, no like in a creepy sense.
Anyway gav went round and tried to pick up a blonde boy at the pin ball machine kekekekek just kidding.... it was nice to catch up . He's such a lovely boy that he'll make some gay-boy very happy so if you're reading this blog (just because u don't comment doesn't mean i don't know whose been here..hehehe) and gay and..er..male then give me a buzz so i can hook u up with mr gav..haha!
I've also started writing again, i've been meaning to for a while, seriously and puting it in a formal sense , so i've started and it's quite interesting. I wont post it, it shouldn't be an exercise in self flagelation .

So, tonight i've eaten so much it's not funny, i'm bloated beyond belief, adolecent lobster, obese oysters, wild chicken (they run round till you chase them) etc etc, it's been too much food.

What does one do for 4hrs before a dinner date? log into a net cafe ofcourse since everybody has deserted me.
Hit several cafes and kino per usual, i'm so bored in the city.
I was going to watch a movie but thought, i might catch one with john, he's been moody of late .
I find blogging in public rather disconcerning.

oh and Gav if ur reading this please call/message me cos i lost ur number.

Anyway, it's 6pm and i'm in some weird net cafe on newtown spending my time, i bought a skinny-squirrel thing for winter, "is it a gerbil?" i ask and the lady looks up and pauses, and pauses and then says, "i don't think so, what does it say?"
Anyway, i received an imaginary email from a John, no not one of those johns but an imaginary one with imginary hair. He seeks advice.

"dear flotis,

i know that's not your name but since i'm not real i assume you're not either so i wont get too personal with the greeting.
I've emailed you to ask for some advice as i have read your blog and found it to be immensly informative and deeply moving in an unrealistic way.
You see, i've been dating a guy recently, for about 6months but we havent done anything or said anything to each other however i think we're a couple because, i think it to be. I wondered out of your infinte wisdom could you advise me what to do to make it more offical, more you know, intensity.
Thanks.

John. "

Well John, thank you for emailing me, i'm most flattered.
In my years of experience i have come to the conclusion that it is sometimes best not to ask too many questions and to just do what your heart tells you to. Go for your instincs, if you want to have sex with him in the middle of peak hour traffic then just do it, don't ask, don't fret. However, be sure to wear something fabulous because you never know when you will be filmed and those speed cameras are always present so look gorgeous . Oh and be sure to wear fantastic shoes, you never know when your legs will be higher than your head.
Good luck all the best.

oh and one secret i have is to make sure your shoes are well polished so the light reflects and becomes your mini-spotlight.

"So hot you could cook a cassarole on the head of a penis" someone once said.
So what do i do? go watch a movie.
Headed out to Dendy and watched A guide to recognising your saints , what a brilliant title.
Run of the mill storyline, father-son-issues, mistakes of youth, alot of angst and Tatum channing without a shirt looking hot.
I found the direction abit cliche , i even rolled my eyes round at some scenes.
However it was about the story and that it did very well, the acting not-bad too, i was surprised. I guess we could all relate to the story, boy grows up in rough area wanting to get out, goes and comes back years later to deal with times cruel hand. Abit of a teary movie, i found myself with eyelash-stuck-in-my-eye moments, ah.. sometimes you got to cry it out, atleast it was in a dark cinema with 6 people sparsly scattered unlike that brokeback mountain movie with pete, gawd, more gays packed in a cinema than free-entry at a bathhouse sweetie.
I'm thinking what i could do tomorrow since i have the day off, another movie? Borat is being released or shopping or a facial. I don't know...

Gonna try and be busy till 7ish, dinner with Gav.

You should go read Johnny Hazzards blog, it's umm.....enlightening.
It's warm again more befitting the spring/summer season.Not much has happened except for some dvd purchases, David Bowies ziggy stardust concert and petshopboys documentary which took me back to when i first heard 'westend girls' on the radio. I don't think i had pubic hair back then.. it seemed such a long time.
Work dramas but then what else is new, i just keep out of it and smile and nod to the usual muted distain.
I popped into an Apple computer store in the city on friday, i just adore the 24inch imac, it's so big! and the resolution so clear and bright.
Saw a lovely cargo-bag at funkis, the swedish concept store.
I may buy it.
You see my dear friend nick said to me lastweek he was surviving on $50 spending money a week.
I thought that was absurd, how can anyone get by with $50 a week, a moderate lunch goes for more than $50 however in some ways it has inspired me to cut back on my expenditure . So i thought could i survive on $50 and tried to this week, i managed on $150 but that was quite a cut. I did wall cafe instead of Forbes and burton, had coffee at bookshop instead of latteria,. not that they're that expensive, turned down the Louis vuitton coin purse.
However i did get a manicure and footspa treatment called of all things 'foot de-paris'.
If i didin't give into that weakness i would have made it by with $50.
I'm playing petshopboys latest offering 'minimal' on constant rotation.
However here's Paninaro, the song i first danced to in a gay club, well only one i can remember back them, i was 16? and very thin in tight black singlet and versace cotton/lyrca knit pants that left very little to the imagination.

Bored and cold.
Summer pissed off behind a cloud of white bloody christmas.
Abit of work, feeling very bored, i want to paint i want write however there is the reality of work .
Watched old pet shop boys videos, brought back memories, good times, less worry and stress the biggest deal was having enough time to change from daywear to evening.
Now we're merely treading in a sea of anticipation.

Private health insurance seems enticing and a burberry trenchcoat to hide from the world.

Boredom is time masturbating.

Had my friday off at forbes and burton. Amy couldn't make it but i did catch up with Zoe and her kiddies, augustine and saffron, on her way to the blue mountains for some meditation. Tara was there and immediately got me a drink, "drink?"
"why , yes tara!"

Had a peculiar baramundi fillet on a laksa base. It really didin't need the laksa base .
But it was lovely to be able to enjoy my 'long-lunch' friday.
And then i went shopping.
There was the usual, pastel soft-shaped 80's dayglo t-shirts, singlets and ridiculous tooth-pick jeans. And then i saw one that wasn't too skinny on the leg but still in that new-age shape of, ultra-thin. There's a fine line between toothpick and thin-legged but we swapped weightloss options at white-picket-fence and bitched about fashion.
"i thought i would go on lite-and-easy cos they deliever to your door but they rejected me at the inital consultation, said i was too thin!"
I suggested stomache-stapling and bought the skinny jeans.
Then coffee at latteria and some heavy smokes. I don't know where the chinese woman got these cigarillos from but, i nearly passed out whilst purched on a bongo drum.

Then today at work, i cleaned all the cupboards and went home 2hrs early, i wasn't in the mood and it was so lovely and sunny outside all the boys heading out to bondi beach... i just wasn't in the mood walking away , haughty and throwing attitude with my 'nobody gives a shit' badge.

12.11.06 sunday update. 9pm

Oh i had so much fun, drinks with amy and nick on the balcony of the Tilbury despite the monotonous dj mix of music which lacked any character but a bottle of wine and life is good.
We caught up with things, talked about gorgeous things, amy got shit-face drunk at the L.V. party and dropped all the contents from handbag onto the floor! nick is going through detox, no drinking and rolling tobacco because it makes him smoke less but tonight he drank.
The sunset over sydney sky line was magical, distant fireworks and the smell of the sea just meters away.
I met up with John earlier on and did Glebe, Le petit frois or something, that chocolate cafe Pete so much loves (it was packed) and we had coffee at upstairs connected-cafe, had this gorgeous south american waiter, gorgeous and..south american, although he could be spanish but who cares.
He was gorgeous.
We talked and laughed with his flatmate and his new boy some young, boy in the throes of a dior-sunglasses moment. Young people have such an interesting perspective on fashion.
Before, we had a lovely brunch at this pub-come-cafe nearby, the food was crap but had this lovely young student jazz band playing so it was nice to experience, studenty-crap-food-but-lovely-retro interior. I felt all studenty, chippendale is changing, all be it slowly.
I helped fold bedsheets and sat on a hairy sofa before i disappeared over to latteria for coffee and meeting up with Amy and nick.
Such a busy social sunday i feel quite satisfied.

I think this week ought to be quiet which means i can catch-up with Amy on friday.
We'll do Forbes and Burton and get hideously drunk sliding off the beechwood chairs onto post-modernist concrete floors.
Caught up with John on the weekend for coffee and cakes at Latteria, boy i miss that place, so pretentious yet laughing at itself. We hit David jones and Myer after, he tried on this DKNY suit which just didn't work and i kept umming and ahhing about cargo pants. Mens common-clothes seem to have come down in price, i mean really for that trash it ought to be under $50 but for some weird reason they were trying to flog it off round $60.
I don't mind some generic basics, one of my favourite pieces is a pair of linen pants from god-forbid giordano. Easy to wear in hot weather.
I'm not all about labels.
One of my worse pieces is a military inspired collarless shirt by Gucci which looks like a confused kaftan when i wear it.
I've never worn it out, i don't know how to bloody wear it besides lounging round in an apartment with no pants on.
I got some anime movies today, 'wicked city' which is supposedly sexually and violently explicit, yes there's sex and violence but then it is manga , also i got 'Blood, the last vampire' which i seen before but had to get it for only $12.
I've got to get out of this spending loop i've always encircled. I pounced into Longchamp on tuesday eyeing a fabulous multi-zip bag which u can change it's size by unzipping it into sections but i refrained and walked on by.
I do however want a sailors sling-duffle bag. Louis vuittton does one but there must be others and then on Tuesday night C. showed me her new Allegra versace sized handbag (pre-weight gain). God i love Allegra, so thin she makes the models who wear her named-clothes look like heffers. C. managed to fit a mobile phone, purse, keys, ipod mini full sized lipgloss in it!! i was in awe at the orrange-mont' as i had my huge messenger bag and all i had in it was L.V organiser , ipod nano and sunglasses darlings.
Maybe i need a smaller bag instead of some huge armed-forces duffle bag?
I don't like carry-alls as u can't put them round the shoulder, i need my fingers free for shopping.
And no more backpacks!
I decided to not replace my Prada one, i need to re-group and focus on what size is best suited to my lifestyle. You know bigger isn't always better and too small renders things, ineffectual.
Just like men really.

Even more work! To think this week was going to settle down so i can reclaim my cafe days ended up with more intensity

We have a new girl starting up next week so i might get a break next week, oh how i miss Latteria and long blacks whose strength is in the girth of arabica and banana bread! fat upon fat with more, fat.

Anyway, i bought an ipod nano out of sheer fustration and an incident on tuesday in an elongated bus to drummoyne. So there i was bouncing along a new airconditioned statetransit bus with a delightful driver and strange french woman in gypsy shawl berating her sister about not getting butter.
"but you didn't get real butter. Just this margaret-in-a-tin sheeet!"
"this sheeet!"
She waves the container of margerine in the air.
she kept going on about it with her sister grumbling in french but some hare krishna mantra started to play on my diskman so i decided to change disks to Enrique eglasis. I swear that boy just make me ooze precum on public transport, he's so hot! songs..omg! too much sexiness.
So with one swift hand to bag action i open the diskman and took disk out and tried to load in new disk, you know u can do it when you've done it so many times
All of a sudden the bus swerves round a bend and my enrique eglasis disk flies off my fingers , hits the frenchwomans shoulder and spins onto the floor all the way to the front of the bus.
"Sheeeeet!"
I go running after it, the bus straightens up so i go flying on the floor front first , someone screams, the bus driver hits the brakes and i go sliding down to the front stopping at the special high-chair for special people which so happens to be occupied by a man with coke bottle glasses and wearing an australian flag sun visor with dribble stains on his "i'm Australian" t-shirt.
He just looks at me.
I look up at mr bus driver, he isn't happy, everyone is giggling or gasping... i pick myself off the floor with my enrique eglasis cd.
Bus driver turns to me and goes " i hope it's worth it"
and i'm all flusted trying to look calm but really, my hair was a mess
"..yes, it's enrique eglasis"
Sometimes you just got to laugh.. i walked back to my seat giggling .

So on wednesday i went and bought an ipod nano and today i went and bought a protective skin which looks like a light blue condom and tomorrow i'll go and buy myself some dignity at victorias bloody basement.

This sunday i spent on boat frollicing along the harbour waves at sunset. The view was quite spectacular, the boat was abit old , the crowd, older however all i wanted to do was switch off , have a drink and smoke.
My boss came up with a fundraiser for some children in brazil, to build a house and give bicycles to the kiddies at christmas.
If it wasn't for all the loopy old people desperate for someone to listen to their sob-stories it almost was perfect. But then should have expected anything more?
Vodka was cheap though so i had 4hours worth, yes the whole cruise was for 4hrs .
Anyway i'm glad that was over, any notion of romance disapated when i viewed the merchandise waiting on the warf.
I'd rather drink a bowl of diarreoh than entertain anything romantic with any of those geriatrics.
One interesting thing did happen, a small scottish terrier humped a womans leg on board. She had to go outside to get some fresh air.

I stayed on the upper deck where the view was 360 and u can smoke.

I don't know, may be i am getting old, more of reality than some glib line. I just want to sit down now rather than jump round in a club, i just want to slow time down for a bit rather trying to fastforwarding the years away with new experiences. Everything is a new experience, experiences witihn experiences so there is no need to chase rainbows just more luxurious purchases.

"So what did you do on sunday?"
I was perplexed, i must have done something, oh that's right, after rumaging through my bag and diary, i er, did nothing.
Cataloguing your mp3s is more of a desperation move i think, anyway this week has been busy with work but i did manage to meet up with John be it for 10minutes in the pitt street mall as i was heading down from L.V.
I wanted to get that GROOM coin wallet thing but ended up talking to a very nervous and incomprehensive russian girl . If she had an attitude the russian accent would have gone down quite well, sort of Ivana trump meets an embryo but she was all over the place and left me standing for 20minutes as she went through all the dust covers. She couldn't find it.
"Oh, they've sold out... hello there!" david chorused as he waltzed round the counter. How anyone could waltz round a counter at 8:30pm is beyond me but he had the answers and the russian girl broke out in a sweat and i looked very let down.
So i was put on a reservation list before i could protest, hesitate, intiate the deep-lux-no-logo mantra. A reservation list for a coin purse.
What has the world come to.
Talking about the world in general, you may have realised i rarely write about social and current affairs . I don't do so because there is plenty of media-whores who write opinion as fact and i don't need to repeat histories pages.
I don't watch television and the only information i get is 2minutes news radio update once in a while. I think it's best to detach yourself from the media .
When you delve deeper in why certain news items get the angle and coverage they get you realise that, it's very unfair and dictated and edited by people who have an interest in how the news item is directed.
You see, there is no free speech despite what many believe .
Media is a business and any story/news item is governed by the red-pen that is, money.
You wont get any adverse reportage on a major advertiser.
Even the free-speech we believe we practise in our own lives is but, edited and controlled by what society deems acceptable and what ones social circle deems acceptable. For example, i don't swear infront of my parents.
I choose not to out of respect for them but this descision is in itself contrary to freedom of speech.
The freedom to surpress speech is not the same as freedom of speech as one is done before speech is expressed the latter has no pre-thought.
True freedom of speech is not pre-judged nor post judged , it is in a sense the stream of consciousness.
Another example is if i was alone with that boxer in the above photo i wouldn't have any self editorial processors and just sexually abuse him with a quilted lambs-skin Chanel handbag and my tongue.
Anyway.
Met up with gorgeous Gav who seems to pack as much as possible in his free time.
He took me to this strange korean place behind some shops in an area i tend not to frequent. It was kind of dangerous and fun a the same time. I loved how none of the staff there could speak english and the interior seemed like you were swallowed by a mint-slice.
The food was nice.
We wandered up to taylors square. Gaslight was full of emo kids with assymetric haircuts, i felt like hitting someone so we left over to the bently bar which made us feel twice as old than we should be but i got my drink so i was happy for the night.
I needed that drink and meeting gav again, it's been non-stop-work-mode for me all week, the pointless chit-chat (oh i love your hair is a usual thing i say to people who ...well.. have nothing else pleasant about them) it was a relief to speak to someone real for a change.
I should however make the effort in going to the north shore and visit gavs place, the flat with no balcony.
I'm such a lazy arse.
I'm suppose to go out today and meet up with John to give back that dvd and have coffee etc, but i'm feeling lazy, actually i might just paint abit

On gay.com tonight.....

jmells: hey mate
flotiz: geez... u look like ur in the movie...the ring
jmells: hahahah
flotiz: atleast its orignal
flotiz: how u been
jmells: how do u do
jmells: yeah not too bad now after long day
jmells: how about u
jmells: wat do u up to now
flotiz: eh
flotiz: im just typing
flotiz: quiet day off for me.. workin tomorrow
though
jmells: work in the hotel or s'thing>
flotiz: LOL
flotiz: push trolley at yum cha
jmells: yum cha always yummy
jmells: so u know the best then
jmells: wat would u recommend>
jmells has been added to your persistent ignore
list

So my options are...hotel worker and the s'thing !!!!!!!!!

You do realise when one cleans and organise ones bedroom it becomes twice as big. I'm so glad i got that out of the way with a week of work just past even my days off had to be organised with Hair re-colour, clean/organise bedroom , refile mp3 into keep or archive. I made a playlist for an mp3 player as you have limited amount of storage and discovered i could put it all onto compact disk anyway, 700megs of space is quite a lot actually. So instead of purchasing a 60gig ipod and dumping all the songs into it only to listen to 40 percent of the music anyway i just burnt the ones i liked to disk and staying with my diskman. I'll play old-school for a while as i'm looking at a Longchamp purchase, soon.
Longchamp has been very quiet until they got Kate moss to do their advertising campaign, that's the power of the woman, one advert. and your product is on everyones lips.
I want quality without the glare, i'm so over bling.
As Bubbles devere once said "why don't take a photo, it'll last longer!"
I'm going to erase all sense of designer-baroque into one slick statement, deep-lux.
Get rid of those logos and palladium-plated hardware, hastily stuck on signage and usher in a new era of haute quality components , "cushioned-pressence".
Black is banned, grey and blue is the new eclipse white is the new step-forward aura.
If i see anyone wearing a " H " buckle Hermes belt i will chase them down and throw dirt at their crotch.
I ate an apple for lunch on friday and walked home the longway, it was the begining of my weight-managment. I had soup (no bread) on saturday and lots and lots of water. Although i did have some english-tea cake and chocolate today hehehehe... i think i'm doing ok. I just want to lose the fat round my stomach and found water if consumed in large amounts does keep u full.
I haven't smoked nor drunk alcohol for 2 weeks now (i think) so maybe this is the new me however the increase in workload may push me over the edge and back into bad habits again.
Muslei is my new snackfood, it's not easy but i'm determined to make belts a neccessary part of my wardrobe again.
Staying focused is my word de-jour.

and slim is in!! God damn it.

work ,work possibly an ipod nano but realised you can't share mp3 between o/s systems and other peoples, mp3s .
I owned the first generation ipod which was bulky comppared to the ones nowadays but it was quite handy and worked well but went back to the sony diskman. Unfortunately there's no other mp3 players look or have the same ergonmic ease of use. Oh well, maybe a new nano.

One of the wheels on my home gym machine thing broke! either i'm too heavy or i been using it too much. Anyway, i'm trying to cut back on my french cakes, just one pastry on tuesday and stick to salad and fish.
I can't believe my waistline, it just gets wider and wider, i swear it's water! or that ramen thing i ate with Gav! or the seaseme ice cream i ate afterwards hehehe
Anyway, all i been doing this week is watching dvds and shopping for storage management , freedom has gorgeous island-woven basket things.... i believe we ought to bring more organic fibres into the home.

I adore the new Palmers cocoa butter with alpha/beta hydroxy acids. You get the nourishment of the butter without the stickiness plus your skin gets exfoliated whilst you sleep. And it smells very yummy, very lickable! hehehe..like the boy above.. hmmm

Friday - I had ramen and ice cream with Gav on friday after a day of shopping at Burberry and Louis vuitton and drinks with John.
Had a great time stuffing myself with so much food and it was a sexy 30'c so the city was smelling like sex.
Sort of.

Saturday - Work then dads birthday dinner. We ate hideous amounts of once live crustaceans and tropical fish with mouths gaping and then a coconut and almond milk sweet laced with red beans and sago balls. Ofcourse this resulted in indegestion all night so no sleeping , i watched 'project runway (via dvd from John) till 4am.

Sunday - Stumbled about in the morning back into Burberry to change the shirt . My father is fat.
So we spent an hour or two going through options, poor Nick however i think dads happy with the shirt he got . Next time, i'm just going to give him money.
Then we went round the city, mum got abit excited ar Salvatore ferragamo, had to usher he out before anymore damage could be done! Love the cute Swarovski baby animals, i was able to pick out the ones we ate last night. Anyway so cute.
Had lunch at Queen Vic. a bloody steak sandwich. Soon my waistline will rival my fathers.
Popped into Harnn & Thann for some gorgeous bath products.

I've been in shopping mode (again) lately, i guess that's my vice considering i don't do drugs or revolve round that 'hook-up sex' thing anymore. Kind of found it boring having sex with so many people yet i don't even remember their names. Ended up calling all the boys 'stud' or 'horse' or something mildy flattering.
Whatever.

I've been reading another person blog recently, i wont say who but they have met another blogger and well, it kind of ended in awkwardness . I guess because what we read on here is open to interpretation ofwhich varies greatly. What you see may not be what i see.
But it is great when you come across someone who is as down to earth and honest as this boy it restores some faith in the system.

By the way, why do people get intimidated going into shops like Louis vuitton and Gucci etc???? first of all they are shops that sell things, clothes, leather goods etc etc.. you have the right to go and browse, you are the customer and you pay their wages if you're buying. I'm often puzzled by surprise from friends about me going to those places. Some are too scared to go in, some get defensive about it but really it's insecurity they showing.
It doesn't matter what you wear or how you look, it's all about...attitude.

Walk in there like you own their ass and walk out with your head high.

Ms Peachez gets a tattoo.



Work, family, dinner.

I got abit drunk at the family dinner and said something very inappropriate to one of my cousins girlfriend.

ME - "isn't she abit young? has she hit puberty yet?

Cousin - "she's 21"

ME "YER? really? she's got small tits"

And the room fell silent.

Then apprently i tried to quantify my statement by pointing at her...er... breasts, " see they are sooo small"

I;m sure i didn't mean it in a unfriendly-sexual way , just pointing out the facts.

Anyway back to Ms peachez.

"Do I have to change my name?
Will it get me far?
Should I lose some weight?
Am I gonna be a star?"

The man with the ugly shirt was difficult on thursday not that he was being, more so because i was feeling unwell. I haven't really struggled through 3 hrs of needle-poking for a while, once it was at the main clinic which is like home to me so there were plenty of paracetamol , asprin (weeee!) and ibuprofen to keep your mind off it. Had a chat with ms no-poop about her water-phobia. No wonder she doesn't poop.
Tried to chat to L. but you know, it's not easy to illuminate a room with a lamp that has no bulb. And N. waltzed in, confused the hell out of all of us and waltzed back out again.
Anyway i'm so glad that day is over and slept hideous amounts, read a book or two and felt extremely horny.
Strange when i feel at my worst i suddenly feel aroused, i hope it's not some subconscious-repressed-psychosexual disfunction darlings.
Well, more aroused than usual i guess, not that i don't feel it most of the time, not that i'm constantly. I remember one guy i dated who needed to "unload" 6 times a day. Eventhough i was happy to assist 6 times everyday got tedious and really became nothing more than mechanical.
I had to sit down eventually.
I'm contemplating a PDA just as the new Louis vuitton 2007 refills have arrived and those Burberry polos that fit so well as if they used my body as a template. The punk-rock studded belts coming over from London, soon will entwine my waistline.
I thought if i buy a PDA i would have to by a new bag to carry it and do i want carry a bag in summer?
Do i need anything really?
No, i have more than i need. and i can't even argue the notion of 'better' things as i have that too.
I'm pretty lucky for someone who once lived in an orphanage.
Sometimes i think what may have happened to all the others who were there waiting, wondering, wishing, dreaming.
Little faces in a starless sky.
It is at those moments of contemplation, fissues of vunerability that i learn the art of forgetting.

Get intouch with your blaque side.

Where do i begin?
It started with a bottle of vodka and ended with a couple more, sunday...it's only a real sunday when there's a public holiday on the monday. It all makes sense.
Spent several hours trying on clothes for a sunday coffee/brunch because nothing fuckin fits!! i'm fat, all over. fat,fat,fat.. anyway i had to settle for something black and simple because i knew later on in the evening i would be smashed and food will fall on my belly, oh is that a catapiller on your tummy or.. oh, it's a noodle.
So after a few poses and coffees and such i met up with Gav and his delightful friend...raj (??) at darlo-bar for drinks. I don't know about you but i got to remember to ask for stolichnya or skyy or something decent because the shit they serve on the sly is nasty!!
The vodka tonic was so nasty i could have used my arse as a LPG refill center.
Nice to sit round, chat with beautiful boys, the intricases of Gav's straight-to-straight-acting-gayness raj's huge almond eyes and my slurring of words.
After that, i headed over to John's for that party.
Quite alot of people came, not many drank, just me, John and nick so we polished off a bottle of mandarin vodka which is deadly because it tastes so sweet and easy done straight.
We ran out of tonic water.
We also had this weird Lychee liquor which was abit strong, typical chinese alcoholics, make a product that in no way can anyone drink let alone asians with that missing enzyme...sheez.
Beers, wine (there was some wine in there somehwere) and lots of gorgeous food like Johns cold-noodle-salad which i thought was devine considering it was his first attempt. San-chow-bow with plasticy hydro-lettuce leaf. Curry soup (gag), pesto bread (double gag) and a marshmellow cake which could only be described as, pitiful. As if a dislexic budgerigar had pecked it into some confused lump.

Drinks! more drinks!

The evening ended with a few vomiting episodes and John, well, having explosive vomitting, as some of us laid motionless on the sofa we couldn't help but giggle at the sound . As if you let out air from an over-inflated balloon.. that sound .. explosive, dramatic! and then his sneezing fit!
God, how we laughed.

I however was quite stable, stumbled home and woke up at 4am with the most horrible hang-over. I forgot to drink more water.

So now, hung over ... i am thoroughly satisfied in my liver-abuse and poor john feeling fine this morning with a touch of ashen-green palor.

I got out of bed early today for some weirdo reason , maybe it's all this pent up fustration but it got me out of the house on my day off at 11am, impressive.
I actually went into work when i first arrived into the city, just to double check yesterdays man-with-ugly shirts bookings if i got them all right and wrote up novembers for him. Then i i hit the shops.
For a long time i wanted new cargo pants but couldn't find anything that worked or fitted so i went into myer to see, i found 2 i liked but when i tried them on, they were huge. Who on earth are that big even at a 'small' they were huge. I felt as though i was a human mop.
Then i did david jones who were clearing out their winter stock, mui mui, jil sandler (still over priced, from 800 to 250 for a basic white T-shirt?) amarni, hugo boss etc.. so many gay guys there, it was gayniverse, i mean really you can drop the attitiude you're only buying sale items.
Couldn't find anything i liked so i wondered round feeling very sad and it is when you're at the bottom of the pit that hope shines through... Burberry.
I went in and clicked my fingers at nick, "i need one of those polos, now!". He just laughed and we climbed the stairs like two fashion-whores gagging at the maxi-posters.
I tried on a few, the cut was perfect but the colours hard... i tried so many on and came to a hushed-chocolate, more flattering to my skin tone. It was fab, and quite a good price, infact i might replace all the ralph lauren polos with new burberry.
Ralph lauren polos are so common these days.
we met up later fo lunch with john at a tiny cafe in the strand, so tiny we could only fit because we're thin.
I poked at my smoked salmon and ate the fish only, left the bread "i'm not eating carbs, too many carbs!!!"

John and i did, amarni (crap) , louis vuitton, i love their huge man bag, so big you could fit nepalese sherpa and this boxy bag which was even bigger, you could fit 2 sherpas and their goats inthere. I made the sales girl model it for us, she was very excited but had chapped lips and you know, that's not a good look. Anyway, after all the talk and excitement i just said "thank you for that" and left !!! hahaha.
I found the old man opening and closing the door abit off puting, they should have a hot young one ,
Their clothe collection was shit, it use to be better.

After all this shopping my feet was exhausted so we climbed down into 'cafe and bar' the underground jazz thing at pitt street. Food's crap, drinks too strong, nasty but the atmosphere is nice, plus they have a lounge to flop on so john and i caught up with happeneigs over a vodka and tonic.

Go and watch VERSACE winter06/07 video if not for the attitude then go watch Donatella try and speak through her coke-fucked nasal passage and lips so big you could put out flames from a burning pot , darling.

But i'll always love Versace, they have taken over the 'high-voltage glamour-sexy" look Tom ford did for Gucci. Poor Tom, now designing perfume and sunglasses and Gucci is a woman in a mid-life crisis.

You know when you think you're being a cunt life in all it's wisdom will show you show who the real cunt is.

So off i set to work... a delicious smoked salmon bagel at kino-cafe then window shopping at myer and david jones, lots of sales...sandler...prada..hugo boss etc etc but i don't like to troll through sale racks.
Then skipped up to work.. quiet day so i just organised things.. looked busy, made small chat with clients, looked fabulous and wafted in an out of the place..made tea for myself and sat back . 2 clients at the end of the day so really... i could make it to the quarter-past train.
However at the last minute as i was about to leave the man with the ugly shirts decides to book for october. The whole bloody month so i had to book him out in the book then write him a card with all the dates..ergh!!! then that done i go and get my bag and knock over a halogen lightbulb, **crash** in little pieces.
So i had to clean that up which resulted in me standing round the train station for 1/2hr very unhappy.
And i'm still single ... not even a look in... not even a wink ... oh wait i did get my arse pinched along oxford street by some drugged out rent boy last week.....woo hooo.... give me a gas oven and a nigella lawson dvd.

Life can be such a cunt!.

This wont hurt abit....

Has it already been a week? No, not quite.

I finally fit into the Louis vuitton shirt i bought 2 years ago which at the time i purchased purely as an extra with other purchases. Shoes i think it was.

I put all my designer brand name clothes in the drier at 'high' heat as i do believe expensive clothes ought to be treated harshly.

There were so many ugly people around today. Ugliness is not necessarily a right-of-birth but laziness in tailoring ones appearance.
And this i take issue.

Why is it fat ugly hairy cunts can be married and then have children and walk round looking like...fat happy cunts... eating a 60cent macdonalds softserve cone?

Is wearing clean clothes a problem?

I don't think pink shirts ought to be worn by men whose belts are the only item defining their hips.

Is getting a size bigger too hard? harder than eating one less piece of junk food?

I don't like fat people.

I don't like european backpackers with dirty hair carrying a "wakeboard" (Jesus christ lay me an egg) on public transport
looking bleary eyed.

I don't like European backpackers who don't shower.


i don't like European backpackers who spray deoderant under their shirts whilst walking. Who are you trying to deceive?

I don't like Backpackers in general.

I don't like Backpacks.

I think fatness is a disease and should be battled with stamina equal to a horse in spring-time on the verge of ejaculation.

I think alot of things and horse ejaculating isn't one whilst i'm drinking Milo.

Party on sunday night at John (the scientist) with a gaggle of under 30s which will make me feel thoroughly unpleasant and if i see one "gay old white guy" i will make sure the evening will be most entertaining.

I can be such a cunt that even cum would call to cancel it's appontment.

In some strange way, it's quite empowering to be honest about ones failings, prejudices, intolerances rather than live some, facade waiting to be exposed. Honesty isn't always pleasant, nor is it correct, it's accepting truth for what it is and respecting the right of others (most importantly yourself) to express non-pragmatic ideas .

I'm so happy i got that all out.

Right.... next.

I had quite a day today wandering round darlinghurst in very-sydney summer temperatures.
I wanted go up to hyde park to hand over some old bank statement mail to ken but the cafe he worked at said they've never heard of him before. I headed into Burberry to have a chat to Nick and he showed me round, some interesting pieces, i like their single row studded belt.
I actually walked all the way to wall from Burberry, insane in this sweat inducing humidty but the Guava granita at wall was worth the hike.
Ah.
Headed up to Aerial, thought deb would be there but she wasn't. Only that woman with the false smile and man whose pallor could only be described as, forgotten-spinach-at-the-recesses-of-an-infants-high-chair. Yes they were all there, except for Deb. So i popped over to Latteria with some uber-magazines and slow-drank coffee whilst grabbing a quick cellular banter her.
The evening was wrapping it's mouth around our existance so i hid in Berkoulouw till Gav could come up and have a few drinks at 3weeds.
We drank, we ate some strange seafood mix dish, smiled to the gorgeous lady owner with the welsh smile and headed off to Unas for more...food.
I couldn't really stuff myself because i was wearing a tank top that refused to hide any excess baggage. But the conversation with the delightful Gav managed to ease things .
Gav's probably the most straight gay guy who was straight i've ever met!

Anyway i'm thoughly chilled out for tomorrow as i am sipping refreshing-tea from Aesop, the store with perforated white walls which made me feel abit nauseas after staring at them.
Trippy!

Oh it's been busy, sort of. Have a relative over from USA so i've been eating out at chinatown alot this week, tried the new korean place at hurstville that's finally opened. Was quite good actually, spicey, nice chairs.
I've also been updated on the latest collections in tokyo and had a catalogue fed-exed to me and i fell in love with a black wool very tight dinner jacket but instead i ordered a grey-blue scorched rams skin dinner jacket! How could i pass that one up and it was under a 1000 so.. god, i can still bag a few more lighter items.
It's quite amazing buying clothes with merely discriptions and rough idea. The photos in the catalogue were too arty so detail was lost.
I'm so excited i could cream my new american underwear which i'm finding a bit tight around the thigh area.
I'm getting fat thighs!!

I must diet, i had a salad on tuesday which was divine , would have been healthy if it wasn't for the bacon and creamy dressing which looked like vegetarian-jizz after too much basil.

Have i had vegetarian jiz before? i don't know.. most of my men havebeen meat eaters, they tend to have more amonia , more bite in their cum.. o0h yes.. i did have sex with a vegetarian once but that is a tale worth telling another, day.


oh and.. something for Gav. [click here]

Oh how i adore mountains of muscapone in cakes and delicious body products.

Hair - The body shop Honey moisterising shampoo and conditioner

Face - Skindoctors - Retanewal cream . Stabilised high dosage retinol cream. You can feel your skin giving birth in a matter of minutes. Push your hidden youth onto the surface!
Oh, that's a good line...

Body - Sorbolene soap! I recently re-discovered this oh-so-common soap and loving it. Cleases without leaving the skin too dry but no weird greasy film like some body washes.

The body shop Passionfruit body scrub - Gel type, not too harsh and wont leave you feeling like a penguin stuck in an oil slick.

Dove body glow - self tan that is gradual so you can control the intesity from sun kissed to tahitian native. Easy cream application, no streaks.

Nivea body cream/lotion - A classic that quickly absorbes and does the job. No fuss, to the point.

Skincuticals Vitamin C and E serum - face to body serum to reactivate collegen production . Painfully expensive ($240 approx for 30ml) but it's lab-grade skin products (no artifical additives for packaging purposes) and it actually works.
I use it after scrub or excessive sun exposure.

L'occitane shea butter handcream- very thick and rich. Smells divine.

To think i've reduced my lotion and potions since i'm single and.. er... got no one to impress.... to think i used a different product for every body part (body-tailoring)... you know you're good when they be moaning, "you taste so good " and they haven't even started on dessert.

Jenga causes bottle-blow-jobs.


I haven't had so much fun in ages as all this work has taken the life out of me.
Had to go into work on tuesday at midday as another staff member went awol so i wasn't amused.

I had to take my mother for a bone scan this morning, routine thing we do, however we got lost walking round the maze of hospital wards and ended up asking a patient with no hair or eyebrows.
"i know my way round, i been here a long time"
me - "i hope not for too long!"

oh dear.

So anyway afterwards we had yum cha.

I went home and got changed to meet up with nick for drinks, he was only doing coffee but he ended up with 2 beers and a vodka-mandarin.
We parosed through some select street-fashion stores, stumbled back to his place and we.....

drank ourselves sensless on mandarin-vodka.

Then we had to go to an art gallery in surry hills for an opening by Johns dear friend.

"we're friends of John" was the quote of the night, it got usinto every part of the opening, v.i.p area (crap decking out the back) .

Everything was "great' and i love it", years of customer relations has taught me to believe in whatever i want others to believe.
"It's wonderful you've made this exhibition so successful, it's just wonderful"
Afterwards we had pizza at some , pizza place and bitched severely the crap we just saw.
What a crock of shite, they were asking for gold coin donations in exchange for some cat-piss beer, i dropped 10cents in and walked away.

Busy busy day, couldn't find cookie-man for some cookies and coffee before work , apparently there's a cookie place at david jones. So i went into Haiges and got some over-priced chocolates. They were ok.... yer, over-priced.

Work has been, well you know work, if only this weather would get its act together as i do want to do the cafe and pub scene this friday.
And my thighs are getting bigger i guess from all that stair-climbing, just hope i don't end up with fat thighs like so many weirdos on the train system.

Oh, yes, dvds tomorrow, got to get some from J.B. my life is a constant financial outlay.

All i've been doing is sleep, slept all sunday, it was raining so heavily you couldn't go anywhere so i slept!! hahaha... i think sleeping helps cells to regenerate and you know, you can never have enough regeneration.

Oh and, lastly, i've gained alot of weight, i bought a compact gym thing so hopefully i will get my body undercontrol. The upside is my penis has gotten quite thick, i never knew fat transfered down there.
I may need to buy yet more "roomy" underwear to help ease the squeeze.

But it's all right now, infact it's a gas!

Had a wonderful smoked salmon bagel at Kino-cafe, after it has been revamped it's been the spot for smoked salmon bagels.
And they smile.

Smiling is such a rare commodity these days in Sydney city world, less so in suburbia.

First up was tess, the woman who uses pin-rollers on her face to boast collagen production .

me -"oh tess darling, you know nothing reverses the aging process"

tess-"oh don't say that!!!! no!! i can't accept that!!"

me- "you will have to, rolling needles onto your face isn't going to make you younger! it's your face not a piece of shortcrust pastry!!!"

And i had the man with ugly shirts for 3hrs.

I raced to the train with gale force winds blowing my hair and lifting my steps, i felt abit dramatic until i walked into the ticket machine.

Yes, why are so many retarded people on the public transport system? including me!

Water! ........... please.



It has been a wonderful weekend with Pete, Deb,Mel,Kate,Janine et al kicking off at the Russian Pub down in the bowels of Glebe on Saturday night. We laughed manic-fits in the patio-garden inspired by a very minimalist spainard .
Pete's looking less 'newtown' and more'fashion-magazine' with chiselled features and that amazing twist-cut hair.

The evening ended with a camillia-petalled dim-sim plate and abrupt waitressing but who cares, we were amusing ourselves with haughty stories.

Today i met up with Pete at Latteria then to Forbes and burton. It was going fine till i crashed heavily after drinking one of Taras double Gin and Tonics. However it's times like these that the best quotes come out and pitter-patter our minds.

Tara - "Haven't seen you here for a while"

Me - " i'm trying to lose weight"

Pete - "do you believe in re-incarnation?"

Me - " oh god, once is enough! "

And then we cabbed to Glebe only to be turned away at the chocolate shop but we did meet up with the lovely mel and instantly i felt so much better rehydrating at Badd-manors cafe, laughing and being glorious amongst mels beauty.
John joined us and deb calls me whilst i'm peeing.

We caught a cab back upto crown st in a cab that played very loud bangarra-bollywood-arabic-house-music. The subwoofer vibrated our giggling intestines, it was the most funny cab ride i had ever not including the old guy who wanted a blow-job.

With us 4 basking in afternoon spring sun, the day drew the final curtain and we departed in the same way we met with kisses and hugs of the most insinuous kind.

It's been a stressful week so much so i can feel the tendons in my neck. If i was a whore i'd be sewing up my hymen just to special, again and again and again....
I had to go and "promote" our business, i mean yer sure get other businesses to make business for you, what a great idea.
Like they don't have anything else to do.

Stupid idea alert!!

Anyway so i did it with Karen who wanted to be anywhere else other than venturing into hairdressing salons with too much attitude and no customers.

Then Tuesday was bonkers, it's bonkers when you go into the clinic and smell bleach and bloody meluca-sage cleaner. Some serious shit went down.

Wednesday i had the usual, i'm eating whole freggin chillies nowadays, you figure.

Thursday, even though i mosey in at 4pm the shit hit the fan in delay so i was amongst it. Alot of angry whispers to which i placate with calm smiles (i looks stoned but hey, it beats looking angry, i can't afford the wrinkles) and i had some indian spicy soup at kino. which actually tasted quite nice but was abit too spicey. My face was red when i climbed 4 flights of marbled steps.

Friday, i had yum cha today which was nice and scampered through spotlight for pliers, wires and eyelet-pins.

I haven't smoked all week and i'm feeling it.

Sunday at Glebe Pete??? chocolate cake and smokes? god, i remember that time when i blew that huge cigar, freaked everyone out..haha.

Friday and i'm in love!
Be it only for a day hopeful i can forget about saturday.
This morning i woke up early and finally started on a new painting.
It's been a while, i do miss it but when you work the work that we do, the last thing i want to do is open/concentrate on anything at the end of the day. Most of the times all i want is have a long wank session to a variety of porn however i hesitate once again.

Whilst still in my pyjamas, i read OUVO since i was being art opposed to acting out the script that is, art.

And then afternoon spun round, i thought it would be an idea to give a new pair of underpants to the Amarni boy as a gift, a trifle, a trinket. He's lovely like a well preportioned persian cat.
Caught the train onwhich i witnessed a man jump round like a pogostick whilst counting backwards 456, 455, 454....
And a girl who wore a dress so short mens eyes glazed over. When she stood up two seats away from me she lifted a handful of white pleats to reveal canary yellow panties and proceeded rub her crotch on each seat handle.

No one knew how to react, some got up and left, some giggled , some ignored, one school boy dared the other to touch a seat handle their sense of humour a thin veil underwhich young hard cocks functioned.
I just took a photograph.

Coffee and smokes, bits of chestnuts falling on girls with Dior sunglasses.

I came home early, didn't want a pub-drink instead i made my own and settled down to the latest U.S VOGUE which can cause muscle strain if carried round for too long.


The day was long and evening is coming.

Oh and you must, go and cast your own message into the PEBL pond.

Sunday night was fantastic, i drank so much wine and champagne i ended up dancing to vintage madonna with Amy whilst ten-zin struggled to move 2 piece lounge and chaise back into the living room. I tried to help but i walked into the california poppy display she put so much effort in making.
Familiar faces, past and present, everyone drinking and eating gorgeous tibetan food, vegan and meat eaters catered for.
The macadamia pesto was divine.
Amy got emotional, i got emotional as we clung to each other in tears balancing a chipati and balloon-glasses filled with sauvingnon-blanc.

I was so drunk i nearly pissed myself on cityrail.

Started off a lazy friday, wall cafe, smokes, coffee, pablos-vice, more coffee and uncomfrtable roman chairs.
Thought drinks with John would be good at 3weeds, a moderate walk amongst the trash that is oxford st only to find it closed so we cruised round paddington, into Tsubi, backstreets, gorgeous topary and hairsalons with no clients but maximum attitude back all the way down to Gaslight for some vodka and tonics. I don't know but old age is the shits, i have to pee after a glass of vodka and cranberries, is it the cranberry that is making me pee? i peed twice there then on the way home on the train i nearly peed myself whilst sitting to some obese office worker reading maeve vinchy, some sunny tuscan murder/love/mystery.

I can't say this week has been eventful, work, family and kill bill 2, mysterious apparitions (there's a criteria) and the need to cook something new.
There's going to be a big party on sunday at Amys. A house warming when she had already moved in there more than 2 months, but i'm sure we will drink ourselves senseless and tell stories of our misadventours , let's hope amy wont pass out on powdered-green outdoor furniture again and i forget an item of clothing.

In other news, you can now webcam Lourdes.

Although in the past i have questioned christanity and will continue to do so, its excess and perversions, i hold true the belief that dear daddy God does have a sense of humour and Moomie Mary makes a darn good baked dinner.

I would hope so.

"Timeless are the creatures who are wise...."

With a lingering flu in full flight i stumble out to Latteria for some coffee and sun for the day was golden and teasing.
Still my smoking causes furious retreat amongst sunday society but my life isn't one of sensibility.
It was a day of sinewy winter/spring the seasons fighting for remembrance, radial sun burning with underlying plumes of lower barometric pressure, the air so crisp you could balance a teaspoon of custard on its breath.
And so slowly i slid through concrete shadows and excited deciduous cafe days .

I met up with Tim who was taking holidays from his mysterious career based in Tokyo. We had drinks at Darlo-bar then up to 3-weeds however i made a point of stopping by, Ariel.
I remembered a Venus in spurs and wanted very much to be in her presence again, to feel razor-wit and beauty .

And there she was, such eloquence and gloriana slung on a black bra strap.
If only only there was a male equivilent, if only i wasn't such a homosexual, if only so many things for what we most want can never be . And as bees fuck wildly amongst wet hibiscus i can only watch with my eyes closed.
The time fleeted by as our words exchanged, a scrawny dog sniffed about amongst books and floorboards and mentions of Pete and adelaide and the horrifying thought of sydney without spurs.

If for a moment i could imagine such a scenario would turn this world as i see it to nothing but a catacomb of dreams.

These dreams.....

After coffee at this german coffee house run by japanese people in the Queen Victoria building and window shopping at Ralph lauren, saw this fantastic suede fitted blazer, it would be so perfect .

However today, my nose wouldn't stop running, fortunately i didn't have alot of clients so i kept blowing my nose inbetween glove changes.

I want to redecorate my bedroom, make it more themed, less ecclectic and having my hair fixed because the layers have grown out but yuji is in Japan till 25th August.

Despite all this and what still is, nose running, i did manage to buy a wonderful Brioche loaf from next door.
Gorgeous buttery bread thing, french and fantastic with a chunk of jam and hot coffee.

I need new furniture.

Vivian Westwood belt, markings on skin care of fat vs skinny pants.

To think for the whole week i was feeling queasy, i thought it was the flu again, blocked sinuses, nausea, loss of appetite, loss of mojo, loss of interest in anything remotely fashionable, i knew something was serious.
However today, i managed to drag myself out to Latteria and after a serious caffine fix (their coffee seems to get stronger each time) and banana bread i head to blue spinach to check out some vintage clothes, that dior-homme jackets still there, $700 on discount but my fashion psychic connection was feeling something, somewhere else. I head over to White-picket fence , that cute guy was there, the one who sold me the grey jacket i’m wearin, “looks good on u “ he smiled, omg i nearly creamed my new calvin klein underwear, i just wanted to rip his scarf off and lick his caucasian tits but fashion comes first.
There were these two lesbians there, and it was like, i dunno, but what the fuck are u doing looking like a highschool boy?
As i was about to leave i eyed this rope thing , upon closer inspection it was a Vivian Westwood belt! My thighs had anglomania-precum oozing down.
I had to buy it.

I couldn’t contain my excitement and had to run into forbes and burton for a gin and tonic
“double?”
“yes, please tara, i’m over this detox business”

But i had to order food, it isn’t a bar, so i crumbled the apple and cinnimon friand outside whilst these yellow-eyed starlings pecked at it. I don’t like birds but for once i was grateful the friand looked used.

I ventured down to wall, thought abit of posing and another coffee was needed and stopped by a tobacconist .
My detox has truly ended but after a few good smokes i was feeling myself again, i was alive, the world was crystal clear with taste of hunger tripping on its edges.

I’m horny as a well-stroked rabbit, i may end up eating myself.