who the fuck do you think you are?

I've become Princess Margaret, the one with a chip on her shoulder eventually dying soon after dipping her toes into a hot bath.

The man trying to sip his organic fruit juice cough and splatted as i exhaled the heady cigar smoke, they said it would be a "non-offending vanilla scented smoke" so much for being considerate.

There are many reasons why i have started smoking and coffee again, not excuses but reasons best not analysed too harshly. Maybe i actually chose to smoke with the knowlege i have of it and the past experience opposed to childlike curiosity.

Naturally i'm highly strung although when you meet me one would think otherwise.

Work gets stressful eventhough i 'step-out-of-the-box and look at it from an alternate angle" this happens after you've reacted, it's a conscious descision opposed to emotive responce.
The damage is already done.

Seeing a close and vibrant friend living with HIV. His future uncertain yet inevidable questions many decisons i've made and why.

Little brother-like-cousin being diagnosed with schizophrenea and trying to reassure him things will improve.

"i hope they can give me a pill and it will fix it"

"sorry, but that's not how it goes"

etc,etc,etc

Many unfortunate events waiting for a selfish answer to placate or maybe, just maybe i actually enjoy the taste of tobacco.