Maybe i need to not want what i haven't got.
Maybe alot of things.
I went over to Jamies before the meowmeow performance tonight, he cooked a delightful ginger/garlic oyster mushroom snow pea dish with rice. His place is 50's retro in a slightly niave way but cute never the less, his cat was fantastic though, a fat tabby with stripes across her body like shadows from swinging window blinds in spring.
It was an odd scene, there i was reading the newspaper throwing glass after glass of a semillon blanc which was slightly sticky and he, cooking away in the kitchen.
Sometimes i think he is trying to say something other than what he is actually saying.
This abstraction is confusing, i think we're confused.
But i do like his company i just miss having a more intense physical connection with someone, a gentle kiss on the lips "hello" and "goodbye" doesn't seem to go anywhere but i'm worried he might panic or runaway if i push for more.
I just want more.

There is the option of not doing anything, going along with no desire of diving further.

The emptiness drives me insane.

If anything i'm discovering new parts of me, conflicting, vunerable, merciless.

I try to look into his eyes, beyond what is present through to reflections of his heart but i can't see beyond the gentle kiss goodbye.

The performance by MeowMeow was quite good, however her intensity sometimes confused ones reaction, audience participation was rife and frightening, her diamnte bracelet fell onto my lap and she quipped "give that back soon, i don't trust you!"
Her more serious moments were breath-taking, the audience was caught inside her gaze and emotive cage, she was best when she took off her comic disguise.