This is a ...........

Winner gets nothing in particular.

It has been so hectic lately i could feel my clitorous receeding into a womb somewhere or something like that.
Work has been all go go go leaving very little time for anything. I had to sqeeze an hour Fragrance hunting on thursday, they sold out of Marc Jacobs Grass, Cotton, Rain. Who would want to smell like Cotton? idiots, mind you i wanted to smell like Grass.
I went to every perfumery in the city, nothing, either they don't stock it or sold out.
I was devastated , took me years to actually like a new fragrance, at the moment im using Micheal kors which is very, umm.. strong and sexy but i want something light and fresh to match this new persona, the 2007 of me.
Anyway, screw that, i'll look for something else tomorrow, i'm determine to smell exclusive and fresh.

Had a bunch of difficult clients lately, they just want,want,want! so afterwork i go into Darrel lea chocolates and bought so much chocolate earned myself a $5 voucher. For more chocolate.

One client complained that i didn't do her nostrils last time because i " seemed scared". First of all, we don't do nostrils, we do nasal rim! so she flipped up the sides of her nose "is this visible enough for you?
Oooook... inhale, think calm thoughts...
So i did what i seemed "scared" to do last time, i inserted 8 lots of 16 needles into the thin meaty bits of her nostrils..
" have the current up as high as u want... i want all these hairs gone... OHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.................EEEEEEEEKKKK.....OHHHH SHITSHITSHITSHIT OOOOOOHHH...........
She went into a sneezing fit but hell will freeze over if you're going sneeze after i've inserted freggin hair-fine needles up your nose , so i held her nose together watching her face explode bright red , 6 times.
I thought pleasant thoughts.
Afterwards she thanked me as she stared into the mirror to see if any hairs were left.
"all gone! just gone!"

Client number 2 wanted his beard sculptured even though he is going to have all of it removed.

me in monotone "Would you like me to do your initials on ur chin?"

client number 2 responds in a joyous tone "yeah! yingyang would be good"

Client number 3 "i think my bikini line is crooked"

me "it's the way you're holding the panties"

She looks confused so i demonstrate by moving her panties left and right then a small bump slips out of the side, it's fleshy and round i look at her confused.

client 3 whispers "i'm going to have my boys removed next week, they've been tied for months now, my boys are about to leave the nest, forever"
she/he sighs i squirm on the inside but smile like Ivanka trump post liposuction, you know you vant it baby.
If my daddy was Donald trump i would completely mispell the word incest.

Some random shite came in and asked if the hairs can be replanted after we have permantly removed them, on his testicals.

....................

Sure use a bloody compass from back-to-school specials bargin basement bin!!!!

Deep breath.

The army boy came in this week, 7 hrs on his neck and shoulders, thank god it was split between 2 people, he has to have it all removed because he's going into the army.

Yes, you try and figure that one out because we couldn't.

On a happier note, the Lactose intolerant tranny will look round "local supermarkets cos that's where they hide" for clear M&Ms.
I made an off the hand comment about why there aren't any see-though smarties or M&Ms and where do peanuts go when their shells get robbed. He/she rides a bicycle in a dress "i can't get the right size, have to have them custom made by my girlfriend, she makes clothes for all those famous celebrity dragqueens"

umm what famous celebrity drag queens?????????

I nearly suggested a bodybag but really, i ran out of coffee.