I'm about to go out to the pictures with Jamie, i've resisted seeing him during the week as i'm getting abit nervous about the direction of our relationship. Plus the fact i was down with the flu but that's another matter.

This has been the longest relationship so far (touching, kissing allowed) without having sex with the person and i'm finding it a whole new experience. I feel slightly vunerable, am i not communicating my affections enough to him? am i being frigid (from past experiences i don't think so) will i lose him to someone else who's more affronting?
The attraction is there and i have expressed so be it in a clumsy manner and do have the desire to sexually explore his long , toned body, he's blonde too (bonus points!! ding ding!!)
He suggested some 'pub' places for lunch which i'm sure would be fine , be it in paddington, but i abruptly suggested otherwise. I realised for the past few times, well everytime i've been the one who suggested, if not,, decided where we would meet up. I apologised for being so demanding, he seems to go along with most things, but we all have a certain quantity that wants to be heard and i don't want to be overbearing or a reason for regret.
So, the movie we're seeing , being kubric or something was his choice, i bit my tongue when i thought "omg this is boring" , who knows i may even enjoy it, i enjoyed lost in translation and that was something i wasn't looking forward to seeing.
It is this need to control the outcome of a situation, the need to pre-arrange incidents inorder to get away unscathed that has been my trademark of my exisitance but this time i want to change .