Why is everyone so fat in the movie 'Titanic" ?

These few days haven't been all that glitters infact more so the fade.
It started with a mosquito buzzing round my head whilst i was having coffee and a lemon curd tart at Kinokuniya. It flew by me and round, hovering with the eloquence of a tropical butterfly with one half hearted wave of my hand it flew away then back again out the corner of my eye i see it spiral down into my cup of coffee.
Did it get caught the downdraft, a mini vortex of colliding hot and cold winds.
I scooped it out with a well polished teaspoon and continued.
Eventhough work hasn't been strenuous infact everything seemed to fall perfectly into place, familiar clients, familiar routine but a lead-like shroud kept wrapping round, enveloping every fuel cell.
I've only slept and read a dozen or so pages and couldn't wait to get home .
Maybe it's a cold, maybe it's withdrawl from excess, maybe it's the calm before the storm.
I nearly succumb to the stress of a fully booked saturday but managed to pull myself back when empathy made me a better man.

I went to bed at 7 tonight.

Now i'm feeling a little bit better, i don't have any want to go out anywhere, it's the long weekend, i don't know what's going on with my dispondancy that notion of continous non-rational fear, the need to be, occupied, fear of not being.

It's a peculiar feeling, when i was busy with being out and about i felt no desire to exist in an interior world that special place where beauty is magnified and exhaled. Once i said "what is art?" as a legitimate question.
This coming from someone who made his own oil paints.

Ws i suppose to go out clubbing this sunday? I'm almost dreading it although part of me would love to be social.

I even went to my doctor to have a mole check.

And so this goes on till i can say otherwise.