Pointilise update.

- Spent way too much money on a pair of sunglasses.

- Had delicious pesto omlette tomato rocket sandwich.

- Drank 4 beers without smoking or collapsing.

- Controlled my alcohol intake.

- Turned down booty-call from something quite delicious in the middle of fresh mint tea.

- Got hard whilst kissing a scottish guy but remained a gentleman and not proceed with lingering fellatio or rapid coitus.

- Trying to come up with an outfit to wear to daddys hospital admission day and what to wear visiting and when he leaves.

- Will buy something japanese at 'Tokyo city'

- Seriously considering buying a decent book (more than say 100 pages) and making time to read it.

- Seriously considering cooking food and making time to find a cookbook.

- Seriously considering being serious.

- Remember to moisterise feet because you never know.

My daddy has to go to hospital next week to have his prostate reduced, or something like that. So today we went out to this tiny hospital in strathfield.

me- can't you do the operation closer to where we live?
doctor- "umm..no..i work at that hospital
me- you know i've never been that far west
doctor- i'm sure you will be fine, you can catch a taxi there..
dad - can my son visit me?
doctor - yes
me - all the way out in strathfield???

and the room fell silent.

Anyway, we decided to go a week early to fill in the paper work etc so when he does go in, it'll be easier.
So after running up and down several train platforms (what a stupid , stupid idea to do the train system, i don't know what got over me)

"does this train go to strathfield? it says on the map thing.. why doesn't it go there, where the hell does it go? oh it goes past strathfield!!!"

sometimes i just wonder.

We got there, the nurse clicks on the computer.." your records have been transfered over, just give us a call the day before to confirm admission time"

Mum- "we've ordered a private room, we don't do sharing"

It's amazing what that woman gets away with i swear!

All the way out there and it took only 5minutes for it to be over.

On the way out dad asks the valet if he can park his car for 3 days inside the carpark.
He says sure and i'm going..but dad you will still be tired from the anesthetic
dad- it means i will drive slower.

On the way back a little chinese girl was climbing down the stairs in the train with her mother, she must have missed a step and fell on the landing (3 steps) and made this muffled thud sound, the kid gets up looks confused and i burst out laughing.
i couldn't stop giggling all the way home.

i dunno.. sometimes.. i really dunno.

i left work early today out of abject boredom plus an unsettling head ache from inhaling bleach whilst mopping the floors.

Yes, unglamourous side to my work is..mopping floors and vacuuming dead cockroachs off the carpet.
I had no clients today so it was chores which no one ever does except me because i can't stand mess and untidiness.

So i did all that but still had hours to spare, even purchased 'HELLO' magazine and spent some time flipping through the celebrity photos. Called some clients who never booked but had initial consultation, all of them said no, obviously but we just go through the motions .....

I was so bored , irritated and bored again.

So with a rabbit casarole from next door (elizabeth made it just for moi!) and a copy of 'HELLO' magazine i head home an hour early. I've done all i can and frankly i don't give a rats arse.

Saturday looks busy however so i guess that compensates.

by the way, i can't believe i tossed $130. into the wind today.

phone card $30, vitamin e oil and blotting tissues $15.90, cigarillos $45, HELLO! magazine $6.95, three books at kinokuniya$12 (they were small books), gorgeous tuna cakes and ceasar salad, peppermint tea $23 ..and i wasn't actually buying anything special.

This is ridiculous and must stop.

Haircut day... yay... yuji made pieces out of my hair..long bits bit thinned out so i look kinda more slick.
He's working at a salon stone throws from Versace ! woo hoo...
Went up to QVB for Udon lunch and then lured into this place, THANN by it's impressive decore. Lots of earthy brown and greens, rural thai village with a modern bent. Carmellena served me with her austrian accent "iz never uzed zis product before, but zat doezn't mean you can't"
what a brilliant line!!
i actually need a moisterisier but end up with an orange and nutmeg body scrub.

Searched for new sunglasses, thought i could do 'cheap' but ended up very disappointed. Looks like i'll have to do designer brand .

i came home early, should have stayed out but it's humid and had shredded hair all over my face... i just wanted to get home but now that i'm here..exceptionally bored.

Went to sleep.

Cleaned Gucci mini-messenger bag.
Going to do wall tomorrow, the Gucci bag will be my new le smoking bag.
Trying to snap out of this inconspicous-lux concept.

Made random phone calls.

Listening to alot of Courtney Love.... i don't know what's going on... but according to Marc jacobs...grunge is back.

I think something big is going to happen soon, that's why i'm so restless... i just hope i will have some decent underwear on when it does. Which reminds me... i have to buy some new underwear because the size 10-14yrs don't fit me anymore.
Felt really sad that my waist line is no longer pubecent but post teen.

Time can be cruel.

I'm so bored.
I now understand the utter fustration Pete must have felt sitting round doing nothing at work .

I was so bored today i polished the steel door knobs in every cubical.

I was so bored at home i installed a wireless A.V thing so i can watch television in my room without having to connect a cable only to realise there is absolutely nothing interesting on television.

I was so bored i was loitering round Knots pine furniture

"can i help you?"
"er... hi.. no.. i'm just looking ...at these...er.. wooden .. things"

**both with blank stares**

I point to something.

"it's a bedside table"

"that's great, so you can eat at the side of your bed"

**salesman walks away*

Told a woman she had hair coming out of her nostrils but we can't do electrolysis on her anyway.

"i just thought you ought to know, out of concern" i said.

We had to take dad to the urologist today, his waterworks has been playing up so needed the 'specialist' to examine his prostate.
As he was walking up to meet us in the main street he phoned to tell me...he was about to be on the main street.

"dad, i said wait at the cafe opposite"
"your phone working now?"
"yes but i still want to get a new one. Anyway what did the doctor say?"
"he put finger up my bum"
"yes, i know dad"
"no, all the way in...like how you do it"
"what, dad, i ...er... no. The doctor was examining your prostate for medical reasons"
"it felt funny"

At this moment i was squirming as i hastily flipped through quasi-japanese clothing at yoshi jones with my mother who was quite taken by the lamps.

"these look nice, do you need a lamp?"
"no, mum... i don't"
"then forget it."

There was this peculiar aroma wafting through the shop like burnt vanilla bean and wet fresias ontop of black toffee and smoky-bacon.
My mother is wincing as the smell got stronger ,
"but mum this is the new incense, it creates a mood, takes you away to foreign market places.... lunchtime along the Nile, cinnamon tea in marakesh..."
she wasn't amused.
As we approach the doorway she says in an exact non-excitable voice to the salewoman
"you DO realize your candle isn't suppose to burn like that"
The woman turns round and gasps
"i think it's on fire!"
runs over and pears over...
"omg the wicks all burnt out, its on fire!"
Grabs hold of the glass tumbler containing the burning candle
"fuck!! it's hot"
Another saleswoman runs out with a fire extinguisher and blasts the candle spraying the window display area with foam.

Then it went silent so we left.

I met up with Amy this sunday, it was suppose to be a light brunch and cafe society but ended up at Burton on Forbes with a bottle of white and some sliced vegetable sky scraper. We had alot of catching up to do, new news, old news and news that could become more than just news.
Amy was dressed in yoga gear with her 2meter wide rolled up yoga mat which she slung gingerly over her shoulders. I was in a peculiar blue plaid shirt and sloppy jeans with jet-black crystal cross hinting at brokeback/depeche mode, well i hope so. We drank and drank.... Brendan came over and had a chat with us, he owns Burton on Forbes so we had a hoot and a squealer recounting the days we would go into class after drinks at the pub opposite waxing some poor girls brazillian.
"i got hot wax all over her orifice...nearly gave her an instant clitorectomy!!" **hoots and hollars as we slosh about on our polished pine chairs**
Looking back, i think we disgraced ourselves.
As Amy was coming out of the bathroom with her yoga gear she got stuck between the doorway and yelled out for me so i stride over to help her giggling away at her peculiar position. I grabbed the yoga mat and strung it over me and escorted her back holding her hand. Half way along the row of chairs Andrew comes in so i turn round to say hello.
This friendly exchange resulted in me swinging the yoga mat round smacking the back of a mans head to which i apologised and spun round the counter direction which resulted in the yoga mat hitting a coiffured lady-who-lunches , Amy panics and runs off but "tipsy" in her jimmy chos slipping over a step away from her chair and me trying to steady myself as i went along the line smacking the backs of peoples heads and apologising.
We broke down in glamourous hysterics
"omg u hit all those people!!! we are so sorry"
"omg your jimmy chos!! are they ok?"
Amy had spilt the contents of her bag all over the resteraunt floor, bottle of evian, dolce gabbana sunglasses et case which was huge! make up, purse "where's my louis vuitton?" , mobile phone etc... the wait-staff were lovely and helped gather all her strewn belongings.
Andrew and john joined us looking abit embarressed but managed to steady our frivolity thus we settled down.
There were quite alot of "gay-lebrities" there... we sat in the middle so our antics could not be missed, oh how i wished pete could have been there, he would sit there with his sunglasses and big hair watching ....
But this was not to be so we left 2 hrs later and over to Latteria, we sat round, posed, and waited for Fergus to turn up.
Fergus is the one to know if you want to get into the parties.

After some chit chat we nearly made it into Morgans
"sorry we close at 3pm"
"it's 10minutes to.. we just want a drink"
and the boy shut the door on us!!
Fergus - "i use to work here, fuck i owned this place "
the boy opposite the glass door mouthed " y o u-d o n 't-a n y m o r e"
LOL!!
classic.
So this haggard bunch plopped itself at bourbon, yes i know.. it's trashy - you get this beeper thing that looks like a cattle prod, when your steak is ready it buzzes.
What the fuck?????
Anyway we polished off a few more bottles.

Now at this juncture i must remind myself i actually had a family dinner on that night. It just conveniently slipped my mind so after puting amy in a taxi with her yoga mat (she was suppose to go to yoga at 5pm but , er... she was smashed at 5pm) and i slipped home only to feel the full effects of what a few bottles of white can do.

I spent the night throwing up, 5 times, i threw up 5 bloody times.
The last part was the worst with this watery bitter fluid coming out, it was the most disgusting thing i've thrown up. And why is it when you're smashed u want to poop?
it really is not a convenient time to want to have a motion when your head is halfway down a toilet ejecting parts of your doudenum.
Lulled about like a sheeps bladder on a stick all night only till 6am this morning did it all pass.
Fergus has invited us to drinks on his yacht and his apartment
"hey, plenty of free drinks, just dress sexy, both of you"
i doubt that will become an enticing thing for me anymore but i wouldn't mind doing sexy.

Met up with S. today, i've heard she was going through another 'i'm quitting' moment so i thought i ought to catch up with her.

I forgot which floor she worked on, ended up climbing up and down sandstone firestairs through several levels till i finally found it. She had lost weight, so has L. who has been "sick".
L. and i never got along, he first struck me as lacking in fluidity and was as eloquent as a sliced pineapple. Later on in our encounters around the club and bar set i was pleasantly surprised, i was indeed correct.
However i mustn't let my disdain get in the way of my professionalism so i offered some measured praise,
"well, atleast you've finally lost some of that, weight"
I just smiled and showed polite concern.
S. and i trained together and worked during torrid times, she was the one who would always make my life difficult by pointing out my failures, i look back now in gratitude for it was her scrutiny that has, made me unblemished by the powers that be. They tried to slip me over with a snap cubicle/room clean according to OHNS guidelines', without notes.
I just did it whilst talking about wholesome country recipe's.
That is why S. and i have a great working relationship even though we don't work together anymore.

We had lunch and talked, well she did and i listened per usual. I don't mind, it's all part of going somewhere.

When does drama cease to be after all the house lights have faded?

Wall was quiet, grabbed guava granita then smoked and stared at lime green leaves, grey blue rooftop apartments and the Cat power dvd i bought.
It features 2 hrs of cat power singing in the country side, just her and the guitar and that voice which bellows forlorn emptiness, it's so powerful yet delivered in rebellious-subtlety. It would be amazing to see her live in such a setting.
unfortunately she has canceled her U.S '06 tour, get well soon Chan!

Geez, like i know the woman..... like i know anybody.....

I can't emphasize enough the brilliance of C., it certainly out does brokeback.
I sat in front of the television for over an hour, captivated, unmoved.
This is what happens when a level of acting ability illuminates mastered directing, i'm just amazed by it.

Before my afternoon movie, i was out at the AGNSW for lunch, slice of blueberry almond cake amongst the elderly and school kids. I felt out of place, a minion amongst slaves however the day passed quick.
They have hidden the van goh in a corner of the gallery, tracey moffat is on display again and art express is on.
Whilst listening to cat power i was enveloped amongst 10ft aboriginal paintings every colour pattern swimming around me.
Pausing at petit-severe japanese lacquer ornaments, miniature incense boxes and palm sized calligraphy boxes.
A woman snuck up beside me and whispered "exquisite, aren't they?"
i could barely exhale .

The greatest - Cat Power.

Once I wanted to be the greatest
No wind of waterfall could stall me
And then came the rush of the flood
Stars of night turned deep to dust

Melt me down
Into big black armour
Leave no trace of grace
Just in your honour
Lower me down
To culprit south
Make 'em wash a space in town
For the lead
And the dregs of my bed
I've been sleepin'
Lower me down
Pin me in
Secure the grounds
For the later parade

Once I wanted to be the greatest
Two fists of solid rock
With brains that could explain
Any feeling

Lower me down
Pin me in
Secure the grounds
For the lead
And the dregs of my bed
I've been sleepin'
For the later parade

Once I wanted to be the greatest
No wind of waterfall could stall me
And then came the rush of the flood
Stars of night turned deep to dust.

I had the most belligerent day with clients who made crap seem like enticing bottles of mini-moets.
6 fucken hours and then some NONG!!! comes in and wants me to stare at his arse crack and balls
"but not the pubic hair, just the stuff round it..i got this rash like.. caught it off somewhere.."
FUCKKKENDBSDJBFAOSIHHDLAKNSDBAS,MDJB...
"yer it might smell cos i just had a run"

KAKA!!

So there i was trying to make sense of this pasty white dudes hairy arse crack and looking serious whilst listening to his sob story of how his "rash" was ruining his life.
FUCKURMOTHERSASHATPILE!!!

told him to call us when he's ready, it was way past 6pm and i aint doing freebies anymore.

There's someone else avail. for that... hello!! But i've become the one who does "difficult" areas...when did that happen?????
"dude, i seen more pussy than a sailors cock".

fuck i hate my life.

But anyway he had a huge veiny cock, almost as big as Petes whopper-donger, you be shitting victorian furninture after a night with Pete.

Hi deb.

When a seal is removed there is very little chance the contents will ever be the same.
I was at my usual cafe-sunday mode flouncing round bleary-eyedness and second-gear expressions, i wanted today to be memorable enough so that i can recount the ways.
An amazing chocolate mousse cake, coffee, cloudy-lemonade
"what makes it cloudy?"
"i don't know, it just comes like that"

Books, insurmountable printed paper, a catacomb of ideas indexed along creaking floorboards. Attitude, lots of it at inappropriate moments and a woman with a lorraket ontop of her head. Another character floating by in an epileptic stream.

A woman harassing passers-by for money, charity she proclaimed to Jess, peters Microsoft-friend, "no, thanks he sheepishly replied , i turn round to experience harassment only to be ignored by her.
Charity has abandoned me.

We lurched from one end of town to the other eventually settling down at 'Lounge' bohemian cafe/bar with excessive Sydney attitude and demi-fashionites.
Drinks, nicotine and more drinks... Sitting round being visually raped by provocative pictures from Debs mobile phone.
Laughter, dusk and knowing we will never be the same again before the new week ends.

Will i remember these people? will i pass them in the street unnoticed?
or will we become ashened pages on a mountain of memories.

Is it wrong to ask someone not to leave?

Today was one of those onereos days languishing in stifling summer humidity, beer, dark pub corners and many cigarillos later merely shadowed the inevible. Re-discovering what it's like to be effortless in dependency, walking slightly ajar with alcohol streaming through my veins and perfumes of others dancing beneath my nostrils.
No, I'm not a lesbian thanks as you look at me gingerly, I've become so asexual in a society of stereotypes.

I bought a shard of quartz crystal, why not, it's something I don't need.
The girl who wrapped purple tissue paper round my rock had an exceptionally calm sense, we locked eyes and I saw something.
She stared at my card once swiped through, I read her name tag, we looked at each other again,
"Jenny, Jenny Thomson...?"
she smiled,
"did you go to Arncliffe public ...."
"yes I did... you're .... "
There was a pause that punctured waterfall and languid tolling of Buddhist bells, lines in the palms of our hands crossed paths and every nuance permeating through amethyst haze, we connected.
My heart fell 50 storeys.

The eftpos machine started printing.

"Thank you very much"

I nodded and walked out, crystal tucked into a recess of a well-worn army bag salivating with tobacco resin.

Jenny was the girl I went with to my school formal, we weren't suppose to go together, but Margaret changed her mind and I was too shy to ask jenny in the first place. But as fate would have it, I ended up with a bunch of hastily broken flowers at her doorstep.
We drank fruit juice and did some english country dancing where we would skip in circles of friends and exchange, then go round to only link back together again.
Elipses of youth opening and closing our childhood.
As I sat drinking coffee on the corner of the world, I picked up remnants, histories and that heart which writhed on crackling asphalt with one hand the other on a cigarillo it's lines blurring away into apathetic smoke.
Empty faces and hastily stuck on references all dissolving into fading pulses.

My mother wants me to quit smoking, my father tells me it's upto me to decide, he quit because of us not for himself.

"he's lonely, that's why he's smoking again, are u lonely son?"

"can't quit what wont let me go"

Sunday, Sunday... day of revelation and partner-specification layered upon nicotine, caffeine, languid physical presence and vivid description of Pete's demi-erectile moments.
Deb's reinvention shocked me, didn't know how to approach this new-vision of demureness. Retro-dress soft on a haute-aura with black beads, 50's housewife-kicking-shit hooked with a pair of dangerous miu-miu sunglasses.
But as the day wrote it's pages her real-rocker roots began to sprout and i was reassured she has not gone soft.
A black heart is beautiful.
The glorious Miss mel shone like the koh-i-noor at sunrise, her appreciation of tobacco nuance impressed me so much i, gave her all my dutchies.
Such beauty and brains made my sunday more than just another weekend.
Pete was there too by the way, for he blogs (to the right please) his style is always understated cool.
Andrew and nori kept my council earlier on... Nori lost the holiday-fat and looking fabulous, like when i first met him 2 years ago. The most sexiest thing about Nori is that, he is extremely modest and has a smile that stops traffic. He's also a vet but unfortunately like most beauty that floats by ...he is taken.

Tonight i got a friend and..another friend in contact and now they are swimming in each others dreams, i hope something good will come of it.

Truth, beauty and a picture of you.

Finally saw brokeback mountain today with pete and the glorious Miss mel. She's so glorious i just want to give her all my dutch cigars. Infact i will.

Despite the hype and neverending queue (1:20pm session was sold out) i wasn;t all that impressed with the whole movie. The first hour was a meandering rocky mountains billboard with a sea of sheeps arses, typical stupid-mens-activites and weather changes. Then there was the sex scene, how on earth love could come out of that quickie-fuck was beyond me, it displayed severe lack of understanding of gay-sex-relationships and worse was of all an inaudible heath ledger accent. Jake gyllenhall was sweet to look at but with the movie entirely focusing on two characters lack of experience and submersion of the characters showed. It felt like heath and jake were doing their best to not-look-like-they-really-don't-want-to-feel-this-way.
Anyway, it's a little window for heterosexuals into a world of contradictive polarities.
Oh, more bloody sheep and rocks... lots and lots of rocks.

Thank goodness for mel and pete or i would have thrown cornbread at the screen.
The man who sat next to me kept picking his nose.

This week hasn't been the best, was sick on sunday, was sick on monday, was sick on tuesday whilst doing 3hrs on a womans armpits... i rearranged my bedroom furniture again, note, do not buy antique chinese furniture, they are impossible to move round.
Tomorrow i'm going to watch brokeback with pete and friends... i think it's vaseline girl... all his girls are nice, aren't they.

I walked round the grocery aisles showing no enthusiasm for discounted laundry powders.

Once in a while just when you think life has become pretty with bouncy continuity and flawless punctuations it just dumps a load on your right shoulder.
So saturday was work, turned out alright after i warned one clients husband to not rest his head on his wifes stomach "if you do i may elbow you in the head" and there was the weird white girl who has faint white facial hair, wants to find an indian boyfriend .
"they so hard to come by cos they marry when they're in their 20's. i got hundreds of bollywood movies. i wish i was indian"
Look missy, no you don't want to be some indian woman languishing in a caste system that puts cow dung in a higher position than you carrying buckets of brown soot water for washing and cooking banging on some empty jam tin for a few coins from fat german tourists.

And then i went home.

I didn't go out clubbing ... i just stayed at home saturday bored..watched little britain and some free porn. Even the cum shot was uninspiring made me think, "what do porn stars talk about?" so i applied some fake tan .
You know, sex in porn is never how it is in real life if it was 100minutes of it would be just sleeping.
I remember one time i said to an ex "but you're itallian" when he went to sleep after only an hours sex session, "it's only been an hour and you're itallian"
All i wanted to to was go out shopping afterwards.
I remember one african-american (what's the correct term these days) sailor i had when i was much younger, "wow it's all fuzzy down there too"
He was fantastic. Most probably married now with 3 kids.
And that aussie guy who lived in the western suburbs, omg he was big, porno size but he was abit cheesey down there.
Anyway lets not get into my sex life or we could be here for hours...months.. years....
I woke this morning feeling very unwell, dizzy, worse than a heavy night out . I sat round, messenger with andrew to see when i could go over for coffee and then in a fraction of a moment i felt something wanting to leave my bowels. As you well know a morning fart is nothing peculiar other than a build up of gases in the bowel that needs to be released for if we did not has gas,methane in it's character, then life would not be audiomentry.
And so without even thinking of what and how ... i just let my body release it's capture as i continued typing away but this time, it wasn't merely vapor.

I felt odd, a certain type of wetness which spread from one tiny exit point to the edges of my buttocks.
Oh , i thought, what have we got here ... i stood up and to my horror and unexplained mirth i realised i had shitted myself.
Now, i understand my dear reader it may repulse you and to be eating a chocolate eclair whilst you have read to this point may cause some physiological reaction but i can assure you, i was most shocked and appalled, whilst giggling at the flourecentness of the newly born.

With the dawning of my excretion i had to take my pants off and then wipe myself with great indignation.
I don't know about you but i don't have toilet paper in my bedroom as i rarely if never go to toilet in my bedroom for it is the domain for slumber however i needed to clean myself before i can actually put new pants on so i can take dirty pants to the laundry. But i didn't have any toilet paper because...it's in the toilet.
In a panic heightened by the fact i had pooped my pants and its remnants slowly dripping down my thigh i had to act quickly so i reached for a sketch pad and used the very high quality A3 sketch paper to clean myself.

A3 sketch paper doesn't flush very well.

Infact it wouldn't flush and i had to take it out of the toilet bowl, wring it.. then take it out to the rubbish bin.

Coffee was cancelled, i had a shower and went back to bed. An hour later i felt something bite my toes, then my fingers, then my neck, then my tummy. It was a tiny ant.
I killed it and went back to sleep.
Minute later i felt something biting my arm, no it's not a cigar, no smoking in bed remember.... it was another ant.
Killed it.
I got up and looked round, there was a trail of tiny tiny ants marching along my antique chinese table to the window edge carrying bits of dust. DUST?, DUST, DUST?,DUST....
So i sprayed them and their little lazy-susan entry into my bedroom with insecticide.
Now i couldn't sleep.

Mum made curry noodles for lunch, i just sat at the dining table staring.

Someone ought to remind me not to do gin and tonic before P.M as it leads to peculiar incidents that become more than eccentric.

So i woke up late, just managed to pull a 'safe' outfit together and do surry hills cafe with anxiety at my fingertips and the need to make fluid movements from cigar-cut to lighting (i still can't get lighting the damn thing to a stylish posture). I tottled about the city buying a tin of maduros then down to surry hills...oh surry hills.. a meander amongst the pelaco shirts and gucci handbags and lots of ambient coloured wooden flooring.
I sat in my usual spot, on the outside of the cafe, the pretentious rim that is not entirely segregated, not at all emcompassing, that darkened edge of a nipple is where i sat. I laid out my eccoutriments, ordered some serious coffee and salmon salad "oh, i'm eating today" i announced.
So thus i was, splayed out like some panther on heat, no, more like a forgotten moth eaten coat but splayed never the less.
Away i blew, clouds of toxic plumes across down the hillside, across over the slipped edge, across back into my face .
I was taking command, exuding non challance, slow-batting eyelids at fashion faux-pas, stabbing at the smoked salmon with death between its gills.
One couple upped and left "i can't stand that smell" i rolled my eyes as they scampered out, yellow vinyl sandals are so unpleasant, it draws too much attention to fat ankles.
Time to message pete and share my moment.
So there i posed some more, arms close with right hand aloft, arms at ease on opened legs (masculine stance) and then this mornings sip and scull...scull..scull..scull!! hit me.
I got up to pay, to leave my indelible inking on this day so slung my mini-man bag across myself...with one exceptional movement i flung the strap over my head and right over me hitting the weight which held the massive floor to ceiling window up high.
Now, i'm not a physics teacher nor am i an engineer nor architech for what these three have anything to do with this entry i will never know however a section of the rather larger 2 meter wide window came hurtling down with guillotine speed and severed a glass containing 15 packets of sugar sticks.
Oh the commotion, the screams (mainly from me) and apologies and losing balance landing on the owner who rushed out to see if i was safe
"are u ok? argh!!"
"omg!! sorry are you ok" i say as i landed on him.
"yes are u ok?"
""yes omg, i'm not that heavy, really, are u ok?"
"omg, yes, i'm fine let me get up, oh my arm is stinging"

"ah, it's your cigar, it's on your arm"

I felt flustered to the point i wanted to pee but had to regain my composure let alone my self off the ashfelt.

Now i don't know about you but i know this, Gin and tonics are best left for P.M.

shopping

Here's a great shop to explore.

My boss showed me photos she took at home, alone whilst hanging out of her lounge room window of.... her fingers, her hands.. the window sill.. and her crystals.
She showed me her "glowing fingers" and plumes of haze and smoke... she showed me spinning orbs she took photos of her garden and hands. She said she's got the gift, she's meant for a higher purpose.

I think it's just her fingers getting too close to the lens with the flash going off, but hey.. who knows.

Let's not destroy another persons perception for that is what they own.

I had a huge spider infront of my bedroom window, it's web crossed from one tree to the roof, it was so beautiful when i came home at night seeing it dangling in the headlights with it's bumpy white and yellow horned body but tonight it's not there anymore.

Ah... i had the most heavy chocolate hazelnut thing with pete, it was so heavy i couldn't finish it... brilliant find boy!
We did glebe , flipped about, "dornn-gerously, call me bubbles!" i blew my big cigar , fuckin brilliant, i will only do cuban from now on. Again thanks to pete for his tolerance and non-fuss attitude.

I'm cranking franz ferdinand on itunes, i'm abit slow.. but i think it's a peppered attitude. Don't think i'll ever be the holistic-smily person.

We talked about blogging, some serious opinoins were expressed, well...do ya wanna? do ya do ya do ya wanna?

i'm so chilled out i hope i don't fall asleep during birthday party dinner tonight, may wake up in a plate of abalone.

sunglasses girl...vaseline girl... blonde girl... swan-neck girl girls girls girls.... and waterloo boy...

I went to the cigar consultant today in desperation because i wasn't having a pleasant experience with a cheaper brand.
He took out of the glass cabinet several very thick cigars encased in a metal tube which he proclaimed, "alot of women are fond of the packaging"
After handling and sniffing various varieties "it depends if width or length you prefer" "oh, i like both" i accidentally let slip and broke out in a fit of giggles with his wife bedecked in diamond rings.

And so i went away with 3 rather large ones and two smaller black ones one of which i smoked at wall. And yes, the difference , no head spins and a controlled chill-out.

By the way, smoking is not good, don't start it but if you do make sure you finish it well.

More stripy bed sheets.

I realise i can't get into bed because the flat sheet is folded under the bed, completely.

I recovered quite well actually since saturday night.

"impression of a volcano"

I was at Newtown today, wandering round aimlessly amongst the subcontinental artifacts.

I went into fiji markets and looked at all the indian spices and lentils, purple silks and such... i thought i better look busy and picked up abag of lentils and started to read the import details..ingredients "red lentils" hmm and these weird squiggly lines. Next to me appeared a tiny indian woman in her tumeric-coloured sari moving bags of lentils round so i thought .. an employee...so i asked "do you know what this says? she looks at the packet...then looks at me.. then looks at the packet "what do you think i am? some bangladeshy bitch?? and walks off!!!

I walked round for a little while longer.. amongst the mini-boxes of spice powder and indian videos and hindu deities and little indian girls wearing pink dresses with white lace edging.
What's with that.

Standing at the check out. behind several indian families i was ushered by an indian man "how was your day today"
what? what? i started tapping my ears.. what??
all i heard was an irish accent.

An indian guy with an irish accent, his mother was perched on high-chair next to him in the tumeric sari.

Through my looking glass, let me recall, let me recant the summer of our apparitions.

Cheap candles and christmas cake, indecisive infants and young adults, objects hung a mile high,

ribbon.

Thankful for love, thankful for disasters, thankful for Gin and tonic.

Verve cliquot with fried eggplant-peanut-rice, Verve cliquot with wild carrot salad, Verve cliquot with children-of-the-next-revolution.

Fireworks, weed, and more Verve.

The day after and 45c heatwave, glancing up at the rear-view mirror of life.

New people with swan-necks and touchable faces, more new people with beautiful faces.

New shoes on a friend.

Latteria after holidays.

Rocker hair.

Sobriety, Gin and tonic.

watched Broken flowers today with Pete, was great in it's character studies, long and.. quite intense.

Ohhhh and trailer to Brokeback mountain looked very interesting, got to see that.
I wonder if Arial has the book...deb?
Is it me or do people from adelaide speak differently. the 'ah' vowel is americanised to an 'a' as in , pass=par-ss for sydney siders pass= pa-ss, the 'a' sounding american.
maybe it's just me...

I have to start cutting back on smoking, it made a bunch of old women at the table 2 meters away start coughing and spluttering in Potts point...maybe that's a good thing.

Pete went into a sex shop and bought rude playing cards.

birth - "study of the crucifixion"


Beautiful glittering purses, tea in an oversized bag and coffee on the edge of the sidewalk.. thanks for christmas eve pete!

I'm listening to sarah vaughn, they played ray charles loud at Dean's whilst i sip peppermint tea.

Hope you have a happy christmas.

Prada summer '06


Dior Homme summer '06

Just some fashion direction for Pete for what i saw on Thursday was slightly disturbing.
I went out to Rhodes, this new suburb built on a toxic waste dump once was the Olympic village to do lunch with dear old pete.
Lunch was great except for the food, it was the only place that was serving alchol so, it just had to be but fun never the less catching up .."DING!!!"

Afterwards i went into an Ikea store located at the other end of this, glasshouse complex only to be lost in there for 4hrs carrying 6 bowls and a 3 pack scissors set.

You know life just doesn't get better than being lost in an Ikea store.

Anyway, later in the evening had dinner with Andrew,Tim, and three other people i hadn't met before and now, forgotten their names. Dined at Burton&Forbes, a newish resteraunt.
Roast duck with apples and walnuts was quite delicious.

Thus was my adventurous thursday, from one end of the city to the other, from 'emo-ish' to Gucci-army browns.

Clubbing

It has been an artistic hell-hole lately, nothing to do, nothing to write about.

However, i have started on my 'study of the crucifixion' canvas, at the moment it looks like a purple blob, finalised christmas shopping, have to wrap those presents though... and i went out clubbing last night.

I was feeling particularly dis-interested in it all but wanted to just escape for a bit amongst the electro-inspired tribal beats, gin filled euphoria. I was hoping i could observe Pete squirming in the primal environment of Pheonix but he was a few meters away from a cafe i was rendevouing which lead him somewhere along oxford street and then back into hyde park being harrassed by random strangers.

Anyway, so descending the underworld of clubland detaching myself from this epileptic world and threw myself round for 3 hrs.
I've made it 4a.m my cut off point because i want to be presentable on sundays for cafe society.
Ben drayton took us on a peculiar trip with forrays into funk, electro, hip hop but kept it solid on the tribal front. At times he lost us, so much for artists.
I'm interested in the Thursday nights there, "minimalist german electronica" can you imagine the severity?
On new years mandy rollins (omg God is a woman) will be doing 10 till 10 set. Now she's juicy-tribal.. it's like having an orgasm, continuously, popular with lesbians however since it will be a public holiday the next day... i think it will be very popular.

Whilst thrashing about last night i accidentally burped in the face of a really cute guy.

Today was, difficult.
I limped round latteria, stanley street cafes and helped andrew wrap some christmas presents, i accidentally wrapped my shoes and spent the whole afternoon looking for them.

ah.

I think i'm back.

Clifford still

"Abstraction allows man to see with his mind what he cannot physically see with his eyes. . . . Abstract art enables the artist to perceive beyond the tangible, to extract the infinite out of the finite. It is the emancipation of the mind. It is an explosion into unknown areas."
Arshile Gorky (1904-1948

Crop circle device.

What am i doing awake at 9:30am on a sunday?
i can't lay in bed for more than 8 hours now, my back starts to to ache like hell. Yes, even working 15hours is too much for my body.. i'm not meant for work you know.
So this week has been eventful for the first half, with drinks and party poppers. Today i have to head out somewhere west to say goodbye to a dear friend as she is going back to melbourne which reminds me, i have to wrap her gift. I wish i had a gift wrapping section at home like in a dept. store. I'm so not into wrapping.

Last night was our little christmas get together. Old friends, new friends, bottles of champagne and sake.
We had pre-party drinks at andrews with zoe, augustine, and brendan popping over. We talked about art and the apartment,glass after glass with a few party poppers streaming the air.
Then we had dinner at JuJus till we couldn't eat nor drink anymore, climbing the stairs back up was a challenge. I lost a shoe two-steps from the top, it went tumbling down to the bottom.

I've been listening to Yoko ono lately, 'everyman everywoman' (basement jaxx remix) and studying Jackson pollock.

I saw something very distressing today.

Please Pete, buy Kate a tube of lipbalm when you get paid.

Coffee and Newtown, shops with Kimono lampshades and a girl with sky-blue eyes lifting a jar of vaseline out of her handbag and applying it to her lips.

After all this time, finally you can see what i love to do.

It takes me away from everything by taking me to it's core, it's my life-long addiction.

"There is an incredibly brilliant essay written by T.S. Elliot called Tradition and the Individual Talent. His idea is that for something to stand the test of time, to be truly original, it has to fit into the tradition. It's only time that allows you to know whether it really did fit into the tradition. And people trying to be different are never different. It's people who are following their deep interest who discover what's original about the past."

Vivienne Westwood

Having finally gotten over the shock of being rejected so quickly by a recruitment/temp agency i'm feeling a little bit vague.
I spent the whole day looking for possible career choices, even applied for a few ,
one was so way out that i said so in the cover letter.
Rejection feeds on our vunerabilities.
Eventually i had a mini-break down and went to bed swirling in an ocean of shadows.
The beauty in anger and fear, it's tannins stinging consciousness it's horrifying yet beautiful.

Then i got out of bed, wrote 3 poems and sent them to italy.

i'll be 32 next year yet still i don't know what i want.

Things i have to do before Christmas.

Buy something gorgeous for myself , note White picket fence.

Vacuum my room

Do something with my hair, i'm tempted to ask pete to slice it with a razor.

Come up with a new attitude, i'm scaring too many people with the current one ;)

More schemes.

Re-educate my wardrobe. Am currently dying a pair of jeans i have painted with lychee-tea, darken the hue of my shoes, bash-up some shirts.

Get 'The Doors' greatest hits cd.

to believe finally, "nothing is perfection"

Spent thursday out on the town with Pete, running round Gucci and Prada throwing 24karat attitude.
There is nothing wrong with buying jeans at Prada.
I would have if it wasn't for that annoying itallian salesman on speed.
The bland waiter at lindt cafe copped it direct, it's not a good idea to ask what we're doing 5minutes after we had ordered , "CAKE!!" .

I'm so appreciative of Pete not making a fuss over my smoking and even had a few puffs, most impressive.

We managed to get it together at a wonderful Japanese minimalist resteraunt ontop of the Queen victoria building, Japanese minimalist mixed into victoriana, so beguiling. That's when the beautiful Sar-reh joined us, an iranian princess slightly frayed at the edges.
We giggled and bounced about, through dusk at Hyde park into the boho-rock realm of Lounge. There we settled to some more smokes and drinks, a strange conversation with tree on a mobile phone and moments of wildness. Slowly the evening gathered some more exs, friends, people of relative importance all co-joining in a dimly lit evening of paper-thin pizza, fish cakes and more ..drinks.

What happened afterwards i wont elborate for we went our seperate ways and those stories best told by fresh voices however some of us actually went home .

I've been listening to The Doors all day today and painted a pair of old jeans.

Realised i need a new digital camera and actually use it so i can print enlarged images.

Damn pixels.

Been spending some time with N. who will be going Melb. soon, i'll miss her and her wacky husband, we are deadly together coming up with the most ridiculous schemes and laughing our heads off.

Let's not talk about work, it's becoming a farce.

I went into the city before heading into hell to buy some more.. mmm.. cigarillos at a tiny cigar place in the strand owned by the.. cigar nazi.
When i first went there and asked for a dupont she looks me up and down and hands me a softer vanilla flavoured cigarillo and a dutch mini.
"You try this first, this one good"
In my pretentious voice i asked if there were better, havana made , she didn't even batter an eyelid "$25 thanks, why u still standing there?"
But she was right, the vanilla was easy and accessable and the dutch for a dare was, well, very strong and if i couldn't do dutch how am i suppose to do Havana and Cuban?

Ah.

Today she smiled as i asked for another tin of vanillas, "you like this? good. try this one, very popular"
it's a chcolate flavoured one that's 2cm longer due to a filter.
Did she overheard cafe society talking about some skinny boy smoking cigarillos with bits of tabacco stuck on his lips?

Long and phallic with sweetness of chocolate, i had to use my Tiffany's cotton bag to hold them.

I was told by 'mu hairdressers' to move further away from the seat i sitting at Latteria today because... "your cigar smoke is coming into our shop"
I kind of felt like i was dicrimminated against but then.... do i really care?
Well after 3 cigars later, i moved, onto Pablos vice.

Along the way i bump into my ex with... my best friend.
Hm.

Had a few more and pineapple/mango juice... it's my little bit of health. And i nearly fell off the chaise, they have a bloody wooden roman-chaise at pablos vice along a steep incline.

Some of my cigar smoke went into their tiny cafe but i didn't get any orders so.. i gave them a generous tip.

The world, it's inhabitants seem so placid and delicious as i trip-a-la-palooza George street, Pitt street hop-scotching through Town hall waving to blue flags of kinokuniya into my favourite crystal shop to be shot with a million rainbow razor blades.

oh..weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............. kak!

My eyes are bloodshot and lips hungry for more 30 second delay.

What is your ideal man?

Interesting question and of all things i've asked myself i haven't asked what is my type of man.

I don't know.

Even visually i have trouble focusing on what type i prefer.

I find physical attraction in all races, shapes and sizes except i guess, extremes but then i'm attracted to them psychologically because introversion.

I find vunerability sexy.

Natural , is sexy.

Smells are sexy but not overwhelming. Prefably mixed with non-human smells.

Smell of Brandy is sexy.

Honesty is sexy ? i hope so.


this is stupid, i feel terribly embarrassed.

I've been made semi-part-time now.. i don't know what it means except i'll have even more time on my hands.
The new clinic isn't doing so well... it's eating away at profits (moan) so they have decided to cut staff working hours.
I felt quite upset when i heard i was first off the rank considering all the client PR work been done lately, oh well, now i only come in for my clients which means, i don't have to do any other work.
I've had enough of throwing all my energy into the clinic when there's very little credit given, it took me this long to realise it, the rest of the team knew ages ago.

So, anyway it means i can start working on my art projects.
I want to document a friend of mine, greg, who is going to do some sculpture with his welding machine. Hopefully there will be plenty of shirtless hunky male action going on with bits of art but who knows... but i want to document the creative process and how it affects a person. I also need to branch out with my photography , outside controlled environments.
And there's Pete, he will be in sydney and i will try and make him my muse/model.

oh and by the way, i bought 'Little Britain' on dvd.... the gay guy is a killer.

Talk to me about the meaning of life.....


From roaches to hiccups in sobriety to elementals, perception is swirling up between my lips.

It's a disgusting habit, so is you.

And tomorrow i will sit with you and have political debates and artisitc freewill, an occasional mythology to keep step-ahead.

We become more than imposters but, poorly paid actors drowning in strange verses.

Hello i think i love you.

The days are long pointing upward it's apex a long,long sigh.
This moment has passed whilst that moment will never eventuate so what has passed is inhaled for what atomised,
a clever muse.

ergh.. i'm just really bored right now. work has gone slow, spent most of this week calling up old clients.

And it's hot. so bloody hot.

I think i'll go shopping tomorrow, goodnight.

I felt much better today so i decided to venture out into cafe-land with my new slimmer waistline.
Plopped down at Latteria for peppermint tea and a slice of their uber-banana bread with andrew and decklin.
Although i've heard alot about decklin i've never met him until now and i know why.
He doesn't stop talking about anything. He is one stream of consciousness without the english breeding.
He asked me..."do you have alot of trousers or do u have a mix of shirts and trousers" as i was trying to be cool at white picket fence. I laughed, it was my only reaction i could fathom.
He didn't stop talking till i left andrews yet still i can still hear him waffling on about nothing.

Thank goodness for cigarettes or i would have punched his mouth in.

Other than that,Jae has been posting all these naughty pictures which seem to get me abit hot and bothered.
Being male aint all that great.

hello stranger

Maybe i need one of these.

I could only work half a day today, actually i should have not worked at all whilst feeling physically detached with lead-infused eyelids. But work (abit) i did.
Don't you wish you had me as an employee?
Yes, i genuinely love what i do and look at my clients as, works in progress, artworks revealed only after removing what is there.

I have a stalker.
He calls me everynight around 11pm and asks me what i'm doing then proceeds to what i wear and which room i'm in.
I ought to be thankful but the novelty is wearing thin so i don't answer any 'private' numbers that ring.
I might have met him once years ago, i vaguely remember but maybe i have just inserted a hopeful image into my head.
Never the less, i'm not amused.

i won't be eating smoked salmon pide' for a while, it made me lose a kilo or two. On the upside i don't get marked when wearing designer pants afterwards.

who the fuck do you think you are?

I've become Princess Margaret, the one with a chip on her shoulder eventually dying soon after dipping her toes into a hot bath.

The man trying to sip his organic fruit juice cough and splatted as i exhaled the heady cigar smoke, they said it would be a "non-offending vanilla scented smoke" so much for being considerate.

There are many reasons why i have started smoking and coffee again, not excuses but reasons best not analysed too harshly. Maybe i actually chose to smoke with the knowlege i have of it and the past experience opposed to childlike curiosity.

Naturally i'm highly strung although when you meet me one would think otherwise.

Work gets stressful eventhough i 'step-out-of-the-box and look at it from an alternate angle" this happens after you've reacted, it's a conscious descision opposed to emotive responce.
The damage is already done.

Seeing a close and vibrant friend living with HIV. His future uncertain yet inevidable questions many decisons i've made and why.

Little brother-like-cousin being diagnosed with schizophrenea and trying to reassure him things will improve.

"i hope they can give me a pill and it will fix it"

"sorry, but that's not how it goes"

etc,etc,etc

Many unfortunate events waiting for a selfish answer to placate or maybe, just maybe i actually enjoy the taste of tobacco.

Wrought iron furniture is so yesterday.

I spent the whole weekend binge-smoking tobacco whether it was smoked via rolled-up paper tubes or narghile laced with strawberry and apple flavors.
Natalie's rooftop apartment. overlooked several sectors of the city and with summer humidity et nicotine we partied the night away.
Charlie, her adorable but very shy husband, smiled and kept the men fueled with cigarettes and spirits whilst natalie ran round in an emerald-fired sheer top that floated between the heady, sexy smoke.
The apt oozed club-luxe stamped with deep fawn leather sofas and chocolate colored cherrywood heavily embellished with a million dairy diamontes and delicate oval canapes, wild mushroom pizettes, grainfed chicken pizettes, vine-ripen tomato brushetta, glowing atlantic salmon salad, multi-leaf salad splashed with village-brought balsamic vinegar, honey dripping baked pastries wrapped round hand-smattered cream, delicate european sandwiches and olives. These were no ordinary olives found in highrise bottles inside supermarket postcodes but perfectly bodied tinged in dead-sea brine , giving when nudged inbetween tongue and teeth.
The women etched sophistication through conversation sharp as their Gucci heels and Louis vuitton epi-leather handbags with an occasional quip
"my 8year old son went into the bathroom last week and set alight my Italian lingerie. I asked him why he said "because i want you to have french ones!!"
The evening drifted back and forth like a moon-drunk tide, drinks came, food nibbled but seldom heard, how does one eat a watercracker without making a noise? culminating in the birthday cake.
Lit by sparklers which reflected shards from double digit carats dripping off ladies ears, necks and ankles an imposing room lit up as if we were inside an exploding chysanthemumn on new years eve. We sang and clapped and then the cake was cut with a swift hush we broke our well rehearsed demeanor succumbing to an exceptionally erotic chocolate mudcake roofed in veils of vanilla icing.
One lady fresh with blonde highlights completely let herself go and spoke of the importance of purchasing multiple gem items.
"if you see a diamond necklace you like then why not have one made of rubies and one of sapphires too, you don't just one handbag do you? ", with chocolate mudcake swarming round the corners of her mouth.
We all agreed.

.

Why has porn gotten so boring?

Once porn was something that trigged off an adreniline rush, a pulse from one axis to the other resulting in being submersed in a plastic-fantastic world.
Now all i see are shadows knotted upon a meek horizon with the smell of repeation lapping between restless legs.

hmmm another ciggarette please....

One more cup of coffee - Bob dylan.

Your breath is sweet
Your eyes are like two jewels in the sky.
Your back is straight, your hair is smooth
On the pillow where you lie.
But I don't sense affection
No gratitude or love
Your loyalty is not to me
But to the stars above.

One more cup of coffee for the road,
One more cup of coffee before I go
To the valley below.

Your daddy he's an outlaw
And a wanderer by trade
He'll teach you how to pick and choose
And how to throw the blade.
He oversees his kingdom
So no stranger does intrude
His voice it trembles as he calls out
For another plate of food.

One more cup of coffee for the road,
One more cup of coffee before I go
To the valley below.

Your sister sees the future
Like your mama and yourself.
You've never learned to read or write
There's no books upon your shelf.
And your pleasure knows no limits
Your voice is like a meadowlark
But your heart is like an ocean
Mysterious and dark.

One more cup of coffee for the road,
One more cup of coffee before I go
To the valley below.

Copyright © 1975 Ram's Horn Music

,

It hasn't been eventful for me lately, work has been and.. been with new staff (again) and alot of people put on hold disrupting the flow of common existing modalities.

The lady at the very antique store revealed to me she has a "new man in her life" .
Prem at the french patiserrie divulged her new male acquisition.

And i wore skinny black pants with trainers today, i was feeling very last-season.

..

i'm still staring at the computer-generated man.......

'

if only they made real men as sexy as this
computer-generated one....

hmm i think it's a long time between drinks...

..

Such is the joy of working an extra day et extra hours... i can feel my mind going numb.
But the pay is good provided i can save it..
Anyway when i look up at the stars all i can see is the glossy reflection of the ocean.

i should sleep, i have to wake-up at 7 tomorrow but i can't. Maybe i o'd on guarana or that, i'm actaully tired.

I should start writing again, it might improve my, self esteem.

.

Ergh.... so early today.. waking up at 8am must never be a sunday activity, i''m sure the governement will have a law against it one day. Had to visit my dead grandmother... it was so windy out there my hair was messed and the incense and burnt bits of gold-paper nuggets flew up into the air and my demeanour was poised.
So we cleaned and made it all shiny again with plastic flowers, "because they last longer".. then headed to an all you can eat buffet.
It was hedious even where there is alot of food from lasgna to fried crab claws to hastily boiled wontons. I just headed for the dessert section and had bowl and bowls of soft-serve ice cream plus sprinkles.
I was so exhausted when i got back i slept and missed the 'paper' exhibiton/runway show at the powerhouse. But anyway,

pete

Met up with Pete today and had great fun.
we hit the cafes and did a little bit of shopping, he's looking cool as ever a-la tokyo mode.

The boy wore paisley over bright modern t-shirt with pointy angsty moccasins, so modern-layered-ethnic. You're saying alot there pete!

Atleast he wont be mistaken for 'emo' that new-wave of angsty teenagers, the ones who are pissed-off via their mobilephones .
A client of mine was telling me about them, then today whilst in the city there were so many...post grung, post goth, post everything... green hair colour and black t-shirts... ahhh... i remember when... no i don't.
I was goth in a ungaro sense.

Sitting in 'the wall cafe' (there's one in melbourne too i think) with pete nibbling on smoked salmon pide we contemplated our ever-evolving lives, hands on chins and looking away from the camera lens... maybe one day we'll find a balance between capitalist comfort and socialist ideals. In the meantime it's slave to the wage which reminds me.. i have to go to bed for tomorrows onslaught.

oh, the singer i was thinking of when we were talking about joni mitchell was actually marianne faithful !, she had a relationship with mick jagger and sang 'ballad of lucy jordan" .. ...

This week has been recovery, recovery from the excess of last saturday and sunday, i can't believe i went to the powerhouse on a hangover. Too much information to digest when all you can think about is smoked ham on geyre cheese.

Rearranged furniture, note to self, avoid moving antique furniture by self because.. it's damn heavy.

Floated around eastgardens and ikea looking for inspiration only to come away with confusing swedish design concepts. When has a piece of milky plastic become a window for wardrobe?

However i did buy some "ultra-shine hair mist" in a glossy orange bottle. I shall use it when i meet Pete for lunch.

i've noticed i'm becoming more non-reactive... a car could crash infront of me these days and i wouldn't bat an eyelid. Just dial 000 whilst making sure my pout is in place. Maybe nothing is new anymore.
This laconica has advantages such as empowering space integration and self fulfilling function rather than procrastinating or avoidance, they go hand in hand don't they. One has a cooler face.

clubbin

I went clubbing this weekend.

It's been 3months since i last went and nothing has changed, much.

I had promised yuiji several times that i would go to ARQ with him for a trance-induced-night, laser show, smiley faces and the delusion of drifting off onto kaleidoscope of binary-refraction and electronica.
Since i think this would be his last time in Australia since his boyfriend is inflating ever-so-frequently that we believe he will pop if something sharp comes in contact with him.

So the night started with rearranging andrews apt. living room to accommodate the auto-inflating li-lo.
They are so much fun, i want one.
Whilst rumagin through andrews things for bedsheets, pillow cases etc i discover he uses extra-large sized condoms.
I don't know how to take that as we are purely-platonic and very much non-contact friends. I don't think i have ever hugged him in a happy way or even touched him unlike everyone else.
Geez...
But anyway that all done i headed out to the midnight shift to meet up with yuji and masa. We hung round like poses rejecting everyone one who even tried to get near us.
hurriedly gym toned boys with generic spikyhaircuts in polotops and grampas emulating in vain.
We just don't do shift patrons.
When we all had enough (when everybody had enough of us) we left for trance-heaven. Through the auto-revolving doors which i once slammed into the non-revolving section bouncing off and onto the ground in my early years of frenzism. We crossed the dance floor, we climbed the neon lined steps to the vip upstairs, we weren't vip but we just walk past the security.
It's all about the attitude.
You know it works when security welcomes u rather than wave a metal detector over you.
We were too scary to question.
We strutted, sat, then strutted some more.. and descended into the chill-out 3rd floor which was filled with... fat girls in what best described as rape of glomesh and nylon.
"Too many fat girls" yuiji cried as he sat down with a ciggerette.
Masa and i wiggled abit only to have a fat girls arse smack right into my thigh. "what the..."
i looked at her like she had taken holiday snaps at aushwitz.
She ran away..lol. Literally.
Mr young-cute-blonde-barman came over to ask yuiji to smoke upstairs... he was holding semi-empty glass of beer collected on one of his rounds.. yuiji drew one deep nicotine hit and dropped it into the semi-empty beer glass got up and walked off.
We walked off like we own the place, such posers, such insolence....in the lobby we giggled like little japanese school girls.

I stayed for an hour... wiggled abit to some house-mix..trance is dead at ARQ. We were very disappointed. I can only take so much of Britney remixes.
So i left there at 1:30 and headed down to my fave pheonix. It was packed as usual..and yes.. the usual people all shirtless, on-heat and throwing themselves around to electro-tribal and abit of retro-remix, the women too.
Managed to drag myself back to andrews round 4... unwound then...floated on a velvet-lined cloud amongst old-library card shelves and restored jet-black fireplace, deepcaramel wild oakboards and a huge brown spider up on the left hand corner.

I slept well.

conv. 134

aitai: hi
eucharist: geez ur in boston
aitai: yeah but i like gam and cam and cyber
eucharist: rofl
eucharist: congratulations
aitai: r u top bottom?
eucharist: both
aitai: wow..
aitai: vers btm here..
aitai: have u topped white guy?
eucharist: lol
eucharist: have i>?
eucharist: i topped everything
aitai: hot
aitai: how big is ur cock?
eucharist: huh.. i havent measured it
aitai: oh i have to measure it in person? :)
eucharist: yer..fly over
aitai: have u ever been verbal top?
eucharist: ???
eucharist: what on earth is that
aitai: telling him to suck u.. if he likes it.. if he
wants it.. etc
eucharist: er.. no.. i just do em
eucharist: its not like im gonna write a book

conversation 387

warrantripley: hi eu, how r u?
eucharist: hihi
eucharist: tired as fuck
eucharist: u?
warrantripley: really?
warrantripley: how come?
warrantripley: no, I've got plenty of energy hehe
eucharist: luckty u
eucharist: just back from work
warrantripley: I know-wow-u work late!!
eucharist: ur 86?
eucharist: gezus christ
warrantripley: hey-u r tall for an asian guy-I'm
190cms too
eucharist: ur 86
warrantripley: 44
eucharist: close enough
eucharist: lol why u meet alot of short asains
warrantripley: haha thanks for that
eucharist: they come up to ur knees
warrantripley: u could say a good height
warrantripley: LOL
eucharist: whay do u hav so much energy
warrantripley: just a guy that has lots of stamina i
guess-how come u work so late?
eucharist: well its been a quiet night on the wall
eucharist: not many punters
warrantripley: er right
eucharist: so what do u do
eucharist: besides short asians
warrantripley: well I could say I used to be
commerical too.....
warrantripley: actually I like to do tall asians
eucharist: is that a hint?
warrantripley: work in admin
warrantripley: could be
eucharist: admin is good
warrantripley: cute glasses are a plus too
warrantripley: what do u do when not on the
wall?
eucharist: crotchet
warrantripley: ok, a comedian
eucharist: lol
warrantripley: hooker is better
eucharist: have u seen an asian comedian
before?
eucharist: lol
warrantripley: nope
eucharist: yer cheap asian boy for gwm
warrantripley: theres always a first time
eucharist: loll
warrantripley: well, theres plenty of those too
eucharist: they going for a song in bali these
days
warrantripley: so u work in a restaurant?
eucharist: rofl
eucharist: in a laundramat
warrantripley: thats different!
warrantripley: u look too intellectual to me-
warrantripley: the glasses are a give away
warrantripley: probabaly a film student
eucharist: its just the glasses..lol
eucharist: im just another cheap asian whore
standing round the shift
eucharist: waiting for a free meal
warrantripley: haha
eucharist: kakaka
warrantripley: not expensive?
eucharist: nah.. a vb
eucharist: and im yours
warrantripley: hmmm, easy?
eucharist: yes...asians and alcohol
eucharist: u know the deal
warrantripley: how about a hard cock instead
eucharist: how about a small dog thrown in as
bonus extra
warrantripley: nah, dont do kink
eucharist: ppity
warrantripley: just cute asian butt
eucharist: i like little dogs
warrantripley: no doubt u can find it here
eucharist: they vibrate like crazy when u
sufforcate them
warrantripley: good luckhaha ok
eucharist: ok

.

Poor J. it's been 3months or so now but he doesn't seem to be able to get over the relationship that didn't really happen. Apparently he's in rehab. i doubt it.
I guess i did like him, he was the first guy i met who actually had quality furnishings and beefy body opposed to fat or ambiguous. WHatever.

Had anothe rmeeting with op.manager, she seems keen to address issues which is good and listen to what we have to say. My hours may increase..i don't know... we'll see. Either way i don't care.

Had a big chat with bernie tonight whilst doing her chin, she's off to france to persue her french lover.. hahaha.. fantastic... i'll miss her as she is one of the more fun clinets...loud..real and genuine.
Enjoy your baguette, missy.

i have a bikini and ear tomorrow.....

.

i found this quite amusing, note the facial expressions.....

Things i been doin..

- buying DVDs... roman polanski...drifted away ... kill bill v1....colour purple.. angel at my table...head on....aviator etc...

-finally watched 'mysterious skin' it's over rated although the percpective is unique. why it got an r-rating i never know... maybe it's the violence plus sex scene opposed to just sex or just mindless violence..

-ate a bad peanut m&m whilst watching 'mysterious skin' but luckily made it back in time. i'm svelte again, yay.

- Actually buying books when in bookshop rather than walking round looking pretentiously intellectual.. i bought and reading Edgar allan poe, ellen feldman (the boy who loved anne frank) and Armand marie leroi (mutants) .

- scared a goodlooking guy whilst walking past in newtown today. I was walking as i do.. towards the dendy and he comes along..mmm then he cowers, yes, cowers behind this girl as i walk past.
It may be my prada glasses..it may be my brooding slightly-gothic-slightly adrogenous oblivious-chic....whatever.
but i scared that little man, unintentionally.

- have a facination with greek boys but i know it's a passing phase like their looks...pass 30 and it's bye-bye baby.
i blame alex dimitriatiaisisopopoploplopoplos

-have an interest in soundtracks..like the movie wasn't enough but i'm looking for a cheap 'lost in translation' cd soundtrack (attempting to download).

- did i say i've been reading books??

- re-configured my old grey-airport so now i can use it again.

-discovered i own a miniture hurricane lamp and 'church candles'

- i just realised i forgot to pay my internet connection...ergh

Hammerhead - James reyne

Be my ritual
Be my one desire
Be my light be my pure delight
Be my purifier
You'll never know what you do to me
Five times a day
My self distruction you'll over see
Don't go don't go away

Just a touch of you
Just a taste
Like kissing God is what we do
Let's go to waste
You'll never know what you do to me
So sublime
You're like the Devil in Heaven
Every everytime

You've been hanging with the nicest people
Hammerhead
Some silken slip of evil
Hammerhead

Take food from my mouth
Take my sex
Take my friends take my lovers
Here take this
You'll never know what you do to me
Maybe I'm wrong
Let's take this journey together
Please come please come along
Please come please come along

binge and purge

Having dad back is great because i can avoid taking public transport.

Had an intense hour long meeting with the new operations manager this week, she asked me how best to approach and implement 'systems' (here we go again) with the staff.. she's heard of our reputation, we reduced a former caltex manager to a nervous wreck after dealing with us for several months and a 'special' school teacher who has tackled all sorts of 'troubled' teenagers curl-up in a corner and rendered mute. . We're either the devil incarnate or cursed so i told her to pray.
She went pale.

My hair is long and i'm being one of the crowd, it is as excillerating as being out of the crowd as you can get away with being merely 'another face in the crowd' .

It will force exploration of ones personality rather than an assumed position.

I'm making myself approachable in a visual sense.

I used hair-colourant-remover today to remove all the colours that have been in my hair, layers of reds, browns, blacks to my totally natural state of colour. I feel liberated, i feel naked amongst a world of shattered rainbows.

i'm fat

busy day, had a long talk with bernice , she's going to france to be with her french boyfriend soon. So we had the chat.
Bought some new clothes, i'm going cheap, buying anodized clothes of no substance or style. Just utlilatasim..i made that word up.. but basically non-descrip. clothes that set no style.
Boring clothes.
Greys, flannel, unstructured but extra small in size so it's slightly edgy in body shape which means i have to start getting into shape.
I'm getting old, my body is thickening and i don't like it.
i have to cut the cream cakes.

death becomes thee

oh shit, i'm doing titles now.. i'm running on empty creativity and maximum non-chalance but i want to be passionate about something...
crap.

Have a family fathers day lunch tomorrow which i must attend so they say. I thought grampa was dead.
No really.
But apparently he's still alive having elderly wet dreams about 19yrold plump chinese girls from the mainland.

He's getting more than i am recently.

I was asked as i flashed my past glorious ..photos.. "umm have you gained weight?" "no, i meant in your face?"
I nearly died. I think i did slip into mild concussion for 2 seconds... i'm fat!!! oh gawd.
"no, i meant you seem more bulkier than your previous pics"

bulkier? i've become a large piece of ikea furniture.

Anyway, today was alright, got through the chaos that is saturday and i'm booked out next week be it for two afternoons. I'm having reservations on actually going fulltime now if offered. I think i will just increase hourly rather than going the full-hog.
When u balance out the pay and how much we are actually making, it doesn't seem fair.
Going to keep my options open for now..

watched abit of the rugby union this evening, god.. i nearly creamed my boxers.

i need a man soon before i turn into some pervert or start massacaring ants or something..

chat-586

...parramattaguy...: hi
...parramattaguy...: can iask u something
...parramattaguy...: would u have sex with an
older guy for $
...parramattaguy...: Im 43gwm
eucharist: thanx for the offer but i dont think i can claim u on tax
...parramattaguy...: ok
...parramattaguy...: well have fun
...parramattaguy...: bye

i swear, my blog has decending into a cesspool of mind-cramps.

So sorry for the content these days.

i was sick with flu the past week although that should actually enhance my creativity but i've been slacking.

need to get back to my art... want to move more into de-visualising objects and scenes.... trying to figure out some decent weekend outfits haha.
saw palindromes last sunday, exceptionally funny.

,

i've become obsessed with littleappledolls
and have begun collecting them.
Went out for late lunch with amy today..found out julie is pregnant and has moved on from her job at the salon and amy has quit. She's starting up her own business with her husband so it was good we could catch up.
So many changes to things i thought solid.. the girls at that beauty salon were pretty tight-knit so it's a pity they went their own ways i guess.
Change change change...

I've started sketing out ideas for painting again.

.

I can't get rid of this huge picture, nvm.
It's been quite busy at work, the usual thing, a few more decent consultations lately, i had the head of nursing in on saturday. So he's my client now and a lawyer and some other important people i suppose.
Getting fatter so i'm trying to keep that under control, don't want to end up too late and having to starve myself . You can never be too thin or too rich someone said.

Sent dad off to canada on thursday, why is it people look so happy at airports 7am??? i was not in the mood. And alot of the duty free items are actually more expensive there.

Bumped into fergus on saturday morning of all things, he's back from his china study/tour found out amy got married and seemed non-petrubed but had a chat with amy on friday night and apparently he wasn't happy about the news so we're going to meet up on thursday so she can fill me on the details.

Oh and i'm so into the pre-rephalite period of art now, haven't been painting much though and now with moire back from austria who knows when i'll have time.

.

i can blog from my osx widget, yay.

hmm..another useless toy i guess.

Oh God there are so many useless blogs out there.. then there are the spam-blogs.
It's not easy finding something decent to review these days. Whateve rhappened to sites like KTHXBY???
Anyway, the search continues.

To think there are people out there being buleminc when nausea is a most unpleasant physical expression.
Get a stomach-tie and get over it.

Am feeling out of sorts, had a huge slice of some cream cake and then a bag of tasty jacks chips, why? cos i can, cos i’m thin and gorgeous and they’re dispousing to end world poverty. Since i’m living in this world (ass-end no less) i too must end my own poverty.
Crank up the itunes and i’ve got a benefit.

So, what have i been upto?

finally bought a monitor, all 19inches of it and i’m feeling quite the man, i can even spin the screen round 180 degrees.
Smack me with some halibut and call me a fishermans friend.

Went out to auburn today.
It’s a place where people know very little of and those who live there know even less.
Had a peculiar lunch of excessive oriental meat at a chinese fastfood place where the waitress looks like she’s just come out a chinese flood and the owner chopping oriental meats picks her nose and scoops up the meat-to-dinner-plate in one go.
I was impressed.

Auburn is a place crying out for some criminal activity to give it some edgy publicity.
I’d rather be raped by dental instruments than go back there , ever.

Boredom is so not done.

I have alot of surface space and i’m feeling abit peturbed.



Normally my desks (yes i have 2 for no real reason) are filled with objects that were once inside drawers and drawers ever so minimalist.



But now after my down sizing, i have .. space, too much space it’s just not working. I actually thought about buying a vase and puting flowers in my room.
Mea culpa mea culpa mea maxima culpa.

If God could give me some interior design advice, a sign?
Be cool if i had some religious thing happen in my room, like an apperition so all these people would come and pray and be healed.
I’d sell plastic flowers and little cups of herbal tea and dispense free fashion advice. Just because you’re religious doesn;t mean you can’t be chic.

Be chic for jesus, cos when the saints go marchin’ in you’d wish you were wearing Vivian Westwood and a gorgeous pair of riding boots from Hermes.

God don’t like ugliness.



er.... i don't know how to explain this one.

I'm working in the city for a few weeks , it's great during lunch because i can go upto the Q.V.B and have lunch at a fancy cafe and eat chicken and advocado sandwich with the crusts cut off.

I'm getting fat.

I bought a mac.mini it's so cute and small.

I've heard of a new store that sells hard-to-get japanese toys.

I hope it's not too expensive cos i want to the blow-up pineapple with the sleepy face.

i have to clean my room and do something with a crackle-glazed noodle bowl which came from a bodyshop gift pack .

Chatted to client about men and how welsh men are beefy but flacid (look that up in the dictionary kiddies) and australian men are macho and act assertive but when push comes to shove, they're weak willed., itallian men are great in bed but not much else, sleeping with an ex needs serious consideration and peanut m&ms are no substitute for sex but come very close.
We agreed men are bastards and ought to be treated like hair conditioner, leave-in for 5-10minutes then rinse clear.