Do i need a new mobile?
I've become some mobile-phone-joke to my friends "oh you got another new mobile?"
As you know i dropped my new/old one in the toilet, however i got it to work now despite the toneless ring, it just vibrates darlings.
However, just looking at mobiles has been stressful, so many to choose from and none that would actually make me happy, they seem so fractured or overloaded with features, do i really need to video chat to people?? do i need to organise my life on it? tap tap tap on tiny keys or the bigger ones aren't portable.
Why can't they make a good-looking phone that just er... work?
My father has discovered push-to-talk so occasionally i get him yelling my name out and some vague instruction my mother wants to be passed on whilst i'm flirting with some hot guy or in the toilet peeing.
"on the way home get some milk, so-good eh, vanilla not plain... if on special get 50 cartons.... and toilet paper...."

In the middle of some sexual moment.

random guy- "fuck! who's that callin your name?"

me - "it's just my father, keep sucking"

push-to-talk - "you there? hey... y-o-u t-h-e-r-e? AY-YAAAAA he not answering, he not answering, helloooooo nothing on tv.... when is dinner? hellooooooo??????"

I got that nokia no-keypad phone, god that was a waste of space eh, who thought of that????
PDA, my 16yo cousin got this new pda/mobile phone today so at yum cha was trying in vain to figure how to use it, i was too busy eating. My appetite is back so watch out! i'm gonna eat everything But i'm also working out so hopefully it doesn't become all back-fat, you know.... nothing worse than "love-handles" like umm, why do i need to hold onto those?? what do you think hair is for? or even..ears.
So i just ate hideous amounts at yum-cha and bought more food. All my fat jokes gonna come back to haunt me but since i still can't find a lover/partner/whatever i guess i don't need to keep that skinny-young thing illusion. And from what i seen, fat-twinks seem to be getting the hot guys.
But then do i really want someone? maybe that's the question.... since most guys i meet don't "get it", no i;m not being insensitive but hey shoulder hair aint sexy. yes, i like guys with meat on them but trim the fat, please.
Ergh.... although i'm not big on looks, face that is, i mean i don't want some pretty boy, they age quick like the paint on a car, it'll fade.
I have yet to be impressed by anyone, why oh why do guys wear those sleeveless "muscle-shirts" when they have..no muscles?????
Fat arms aint muscle!!!!!!

Just someone who's kind and easy going, no dramas, hygenic (body odour isn't pleasant unless your nose has been fucked up by too much amyl), clean shoes and who can cook.
Oh and teeth...and eyes..... geezus.,....

After offending most of the really hot swedish guys at johns post chinese new year drinks i think i manage to catch up with Amy and Nick!
It started off slow, John and his friends, some very gay people which is fine but i had just finished work and was well, not in the mood.
My mobile ran out of credit, like it had 200 dollars worth where the fuck it go?? and then i proceed to drop it in the toilet just before i left home. So i grab mums phone and er, found it it doesnt work when i get to johns.
Anyway, managed some polite banter with these lovely people then amy arrived and we downed a bottle of Verve, i felt abit better.
People started coming in, all these fantastic tall swedish people, so nice, one fattish one was nice, his face that is, so we chatted but amy and i drank more and more and you know what happend.
I went on a rant about backpackers ! er.....
So the party started to get crowded, amy and i ducked out to get nick because he couldn't get a cab and when we managed to get there, no wonder, its in the middle of nowhere.
Party was in full swing round 9-10 ish, drinks, johns interesting sushi rolls, pretzels and er... more drinks!
We hit the rooftop after the rain and was really nice to have some quiet time, some space, we were so out of it, we were eating ice cream and drinking wine, what the fuck! but good times, we talked, we bitched we laughed and the view was quite nice.
There was this guy who seemed abit too keen, would have done a quickie but he had body odour, i mean, you know.. i'm senstive to smells. However it didn't stop others from having an orgy amongst the empty wine bottles.
So the night ended with me and amy at the bottom of the stairs waiting for our cars, we talked alot about things...you know..things... and she's right you know..... and she's worried about me... and everything.
Nicks going to melbourne, to collingwood of all places so another reason for me to get down there soon.
thanks John for hosting! Good to see you back.

Jack is back!
Well i'm nearly over this stomach bug thing, all i could do for lunch was snibble on a meter long baguette and a bottle of gatorade along the chaotic victoria road. A delivery van nearly side swiped my breadstick! but the day had just begun.
I exclaimed to elizabeth "i can't eat any of your cakes, i have a stomache bug and must fast on bread and water"
"easter isn't far off" she responded whilst twisting a bag of spinach and riccotta filo triangle "here, this is all you need"
And there you go.

Today was quiet, very, i had a nice lady who had the preportions of a beluga whale but atleast she was nice and friendly , some strange iranian woman whose upper lip got quite wet with the pain but asked for my card afterwards, i ought to be flattered. Then lastly i had a shocker. She wasn't suppose to my client so she was put out that her usual operator didn't appear. She made some vague instructions must have alluded me because after the treatment she looked disappointed that i didn't go all over her face despite the fact she had patchy hair, more in one spot so you have to er, even it out. Anyway she threw a tantrum, i wasn't impressed and just dismissed her when she wanted to rebook, she wanted little miss sunshine to work after her shift for her!!!
i just smiled in my i-don't-give-a-fuck- you're-fat-ugly-and-the-only-thing-that-will- make-you-minutely-presentable-is-a-green-recycling-bag-from-a-supermarket-over- your-head type of attitude...
" 6pm is the latest, do you want it or not"
Actually i had this weird satisified smile on my face for some horrible reason.

Had some lovely chocolates yesterday and a bowl of vegetarian udon noodles, i lost weight so i can fit into my Hussein chayalan pants again!! briefly.
I'm excited about this saturday, john's welcome home/new year/lets get pissed/summer party!! rooftop filled with young firm bodies! oh, i'm going to be the oldest one there!! hahaha

I saw a man kiss a dog in townhall yesterday, tongue and all.
It was most inappropriate, as much as seeing really fat girls in skin tight clothes wearing white rimmed sunglasses and dirty thongs/flipflops.
Such vulgarity.

Well after sleeping 24hrs i was slightly better, ergh.... anyway last night i went over to amys for new year dinner thing, i was like not well but she insisted i go so, anyway i was kind of feeling abit better and being stuck at home all day friday wasn't fun so i bundled myself out to east redfern and into a party of people i diidn't know.
Anyway after a few drinks and 'yum-cha' dinner we started to get to know each other, well, me mainly because the others were known. The was an older gay couple there, older as in say, early 40s? which was kinda nice and tall skinny girl and the token fat chick. So we decided to play marjong whilst drinking champagne, very shanghai decadence yes? then i go round dripping some 'mao-tai' chinese wine into the glasses. Mow-toi is famous because of it's hideous smell, like rat shit and it's 53%proof, i mean you can power a small car with it, it's actually quite nice to drink if you can get over the smell.
In a hour or so we were basically hallucinating, amy passed out, the fat chick started to do the chicken dance, gay couple were in some musical with Abba and i was like, wondering if i can stand, oops no i can't! I adore marble floors.
Anyway i manage to get home in one piece though, it's chinese new year today so i'm spending it with mum and dad, doing traditional er...things... just being with them i guess means alot and calling distant relatives and having loud banging chinese music in the backround. And dad telling me how when he was a kid what they got upto round the village on chinese new years, like, go and light firecrackers infront of bedrooms at 2am in the morning.
Fun times.

Today i woke up sick.
Infact i was sick lastnight but i thought a sleep could fix it but this morning i had to admit defeat after my body decided to go into fever mode.
You see, i'm a kind of person who doesn't believe in being sick eventhough i've had chronic fatigue syndrome, since having recovered much from it everything seems easy (colds, flu, etc) you just drink lots of fluids and rest and everything fixes itself in 48hrs.
You never stop working. Infact i don't think i've ever taken a day off, oh maybe one or two during 3years.
I live for work and would never be late and leave only when i had to.
I even polish the sinks!
So today really was a challenge for me to admit i was sick and needed a day off and it has made me feel strange, slightly uneasy at first to show my vunerability but also learning to trust that everything will go fine without me there, to let go abit and to let others feel they can manage it. And they can ofcourse, i guess it's giving them the power to look after things instead of me always controlling the situation.
It was such a a success i got 2 days off so i can completely recover .
Ok back to bed.

Bloody hell it's valentines day and all i see are $20 single-stem roses.
once my ex, the sex-addict bought one for me, it was in glass. He said it would last as long as his hard-on for me, so romantic eh.
After we broke up i threw it out his apartment window with the rest of his glassware. He loved glassware, it was when 'Bayswiss' started off , we'd spend most of the weekend at that fucken place, one more thatched baskety thingy i'll scream.
So i thought i would go to officeworks for some geek-indulgence.
Multi coloured post-it notes! external-harddrives! i loooove external hardrives, they have one that's covered in this rubber thing, keep your data safe!
Anyway i bought new keyboard/mouse set which is so cool cos it's smaller and has low-profile keys!
Then i went to priceline to satsify my girly vanity and got some L'oreal face creams however when i was at the check-out i was offered a free anti-wrinkle serum.
"you put this on before the cream to help erase your lines and wrinkles"
I was horrified! the check-out girl realised what happened and stuttered "oh, you don't have any but, but but it's suppose to work on you"
what??!!!!
hehehehe... so now i'm all lined and wrinkled, bleh. On the advert. it says it works in 1hour, de-creasing. I wonder if i will end up with expressionless-face like during christmas, it has boswelox which sounds so fantastic from the l'oreal labratories. I can imagine a bunch of people running round in white-lab coats with beautiful hair and square shaped Prada glasses.
Another one i got has 're-tautening', what the fuck??? so not only can i make myself expressionless but tight aswell, so tight you can play tennis with freshly shaved testicals on it.
Make it, toight, toight, toight!

ok got to stop it, romance is not for me so i'll hit the gym and reaffirm my aging confidence and clean up for chinese new year.

Somehow i managed to catch up Gav and Nori lastnight after a crazy day at work with people coming in at different booking times, threw everything into chaos.
Had the russian mafia housewife who loves to wear adidas tracksuit pants with lots and lots of diamond rings and severely blonde highlights. She was talking about her husbands small testicals "zo zmall, zo zo zo zmall"
and how she has these toyboys because
"russian boyz are cheap, you give them vodka and they they do anyzing!"

So the day drifted in and out with the enthusiasm of a run-over cat along the highway .

Rushed home, got changed and back onto a train to North sydney of all places to finally visit Gav in his new apartment.
All i got to say is, it's the neatest, cleanest batchelor pad i've ever seen, it even has $41 table runners.
So after showing me round we settled down to some serious chai. Now i've never been a big fan of chai due to the heavy cinnamon flavours but Gav came up with his own concoction with cardoman and mysterious tealeaves and even... lactose intolerant milk! hahaha was fabulous.
We chilled on his uniquely handmade suede sofa , i can't help but wonder how long this sofa will be kept so clean, suede can be unforgivable to stains.
It's always a pleasure to sit down and have a chat with dear Gav, so insightful and wise the young man despite his strange ikea purchases, bunch of dried twigs?? caning fetish? get caned at gavs? wooohohoho...
Then we hit the city.
First we picked up Raj and entered chinatown looking for a good dumpling place, Gav was in one of his eating-moods, mother chus was closed so we went to this strange fastfood type place which oddly enough had quite good fried-steamed dumplings. The vibrating blue cattle prod was odd, when your order was ready the blue-thing rings ands vibrated violently then you go and pick it up.
Feeling thoroughly satisfied and abit confused with Rajs accent from memory he didn't sound so much like apu! i swear!
Anyway we shimmied through The columbian, all these pretty boys had nothing on us because we were such messes, hahaha, we met this odd couple on their first date, one boy looked distressed in need of some medical attention the other, well, i'm sure he's a nice boy but when he started to recount the evening timetable for countrylink rail services and the night ride buses i really couldn't take it anymore.
I was evil in Batutta.
My saving grace was seeing the beautiful Nori again, how long has it been? since Andrews farewell, it seemed such a long time ago, i missed the boy,
So we managed to catch up, he was there with his umm.. boyfriend who i mistaken for someone with downs syndrome but he was just a really, really, gentle type of person. We all (minus the distressed boy and countrylink boy) headed to Stonewall for drinks, and a bit of a wiggle on the dance floor. They played an oddly good mix, more like Pheonix, slightly tribal with hint of wave-your-hands-in-the-air vibe, not too pop and definately no Michael jackson.
Some hot guys about, Gav was all over this tall gym toned jock thing, raj and me were desperately trying to avoid this short old weirdo with dyed hair who went round feeling up strangers. Said hi to the drama queen who works there on saturday nights and jumped round like an out of control vibrator. I had this weird drink called 'Mother' with all sorts of caffine and guarana things and a vodka red bull, sheez this morning i'm feeling the effects.

oh and Gav here is a place that does digital photo to canvas prints this one is in artarmon.

My life has become my work which is scarey but with the workload lately it's quite alot to digest. Some of the team are begining to get sick with all the pressure (it happens) and more whispers of resignations again. No wonder the business cannot grow out of it's never ending childhood.
Anyway, i did manage to get some 'me' time on wednesday, went and watched "VOLVER" at circular quay, lovely area with the harbour and ships and things. Finally got to watch an old woman hide under a bed and Penelope cruz pee in the toilet and bury her husband in a bulk-freezer. Quite funny and touching.
I finally got a bottle of Marc jacobs 'Grass' at myers during the week and as a result lost one of the trainees in the perfume section. She later immerged traumatised by clinique cosmeticians and vendors with little bits of cardboard strips of scent.
Then i had to do under-bikini and it was quite traumatic for me.

Anyway, life rolls on .

Just a quick post as i'm sitting here in nothing but pair of boxers ready for bed.

The party in the hills district was fun, drank alot, smoked alot, rolled my eyes alot.

Nearly went to stonewall with the dramaqueen and little miss sunshine but i grabbed a cab home instead. I wasn't feeling sexy, can't do clubs when you aint feeling it.

Did some supervising and training with dumb and dumber today, i guess that's not fair but really, i can see a car crash happening soon.

Still red from the tanning booth, or the uv-cage. 4minutes and i was like a cooked chicken red and raw, i'm still red but a tan is slowly appearing. I think i wont be doing that again too soon.

Work, ho-hum . The C.E.O seems to be in a very happy mood of late which can only mean one thing, it's gonna be a rough ride down pets.

For a moment i wish i was in love again but snapped out of it when i had thai mint prawn noodle salad! devine!

I got the rolling stones double cd hits! remastered and sounding fab.

i go sleep now.

Didn't feel too well today but survived it.

Had the purple track suit tranny again today, ergh, he told me about his tranny friend who has alot of anal sex so much so it has ruined her bowels. "she carries a colostomy bag" and i go "whilst she's having sex?"
"yes" and i have this mental image of a bag of shit slapping against some guys arse , my day became askewed..

Early on i went to a solarium and got blasted with UV light, it was a stand-up solarium so i felt like a roast chicken.
It was fun. I will keep going till i go black and once you gone black you never turn back.

Grrrl fren!

Anyway, it's hectic weekend with birthday parties and training next week and god knows what else.

I'm one step away from Plunging head first into some majoy Givenchy purchases, i hate Gwen stefani for plagerising the back-to-back 'G-G' symbol for her own shiteous label of hoodies , trackpants and sunglasses mutated from Tom Fords designs. What a cunt!
Anyway they are totally impractical, i can't fit lunch into them (why am i eating lunch?) but oh, the leather trim and shiny shiny metal hardware.

I haven't had sex in months , i've been working my arse off and having to deal with the C.E.O directly every monday, what a great way to start your week ! And i got a birthday party on saturday out in the 'hills' district with some middle eastern guys and gals (work related but they hot) where the fuck is that?
Plus i have a meeting with someone about organising our telecommunications in the clinic, multi-platform communications, er , i don't know! i'm totally fucked!! i have to look like i know!! kaka!! big KAKA!!!
And i haven't figured out what to wear to the meeting, do i bling or just wear Prada? !!!
Ontop of it all we got 2 country girls who we have to train as apprentices, good God, i met them on saturday and oh sweet Jesus bum, we may need to start with some emergency liposuction . They had to walk sideways down the hallway for Christs sake! oh and the clincher was when miss doughnut says to me
"i may not be pretty on the outside but i'm beautiful person inside (pause) here"
"Just the one dear?"
MUAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... ohhh no i didn't say that i just tilt my head to the side and made a smile that looked like i was over come with emotion but really i just wanted to throw-up the contents of my duodenumn and said in a soft voice,
"you are beautiful **places hand on miss doughnuts hand, oh it's actually her finger** i see that coming through"

Eventually.

Is there a word for people who treat fatties like that? besides 'cunt' there must be a proper technical term, fatist? boomba-basher? obesist?

On some calmer news, i got some cool shirts for mum at Ralph lauren on sunday down at the Quay and sniffed round COACH whose accesories are pretty funky, young, fresh! And ok, i admit it, i had a quick poke round Louis vuitton but i didn't buy anything!!! i swear!! why am i using exclamation marks??!!!

What's with all these german dutch swedish backpackers of late??? geezus it's like abbaville !!! i just want to throw soap at them and say "we do wash here" AND "fuck... haven't you seen people from the asian continent before??
take a photo why don't you!! it'll last longer!!!
Bloody backpacks. Oh, i was carrying one today...... ermm..but it was Prada.

Anyway, i really need a smoke but i haven't even had time to do that, i mean i had to squeeze in latteria at 3:30pm sunday. that was my only "down-time" .

Oh and today, i did a G-string bikini, the bottom bit not the top on a partially-deaf girl who lip-reads so i spoke really quickly just to make things interesting.

Hm... Givenchy .....

Time has become precious as i marvell at moments and try to recognise myself in myriad of possible incarnations.
As i tried in vain to keep dead leaves from the entrance and wild summer winds push glass doors ajar and the fluctuating barometric pressure signaled thick grey lurching forward up in the sky my heart threw its self on the floor and screamed for my attention. Amongst shrills of an angry telephone, the dry scrape of lead pencil skirting along perfectly lined booking paper and pressence of souls in various moments of expression gently patting their faces with ice and walking away closer to becoming socially invisible . All i could do was let him throw and kick and cry till tears of indignation were left like tiny photos flicked open from brass lockets for me to sweep away.

The flowers shudded as my father poked a european wasp nest with willow and a can of incesticide he created his own overcast day nearby. They writhered as babies freshly born to die thorax arching in mysterious itallics their wings crackling and my shoe print across vaporating eyes. A nest the size of your fist, not mine, fibre, soil, leaves regurgitated into perfect cells was filled with tiny white replications dotted with black-eyes-open witnessing this massacre recording death of the family to only be part of modern history, our contemporary revolution , their argument for devolution .

So tomorrow is sunday! i shall walk away into the world unchanged and pretty without my sugared heart but i know that eventually i will become nothing more than dirt for wasps to spit out .

Atleast we got the same underwear.

Ok, it wasn't too bad yesterday.

We decided to make the best of it, me and little miss sunshine had macdonalds and sat back with some trashy magazines. We caught up with the latest craziness at work and did a bit of work .

One woman i epilated didn't take the pain very well, she kept arching her back and shaking her body, looked like she was having an orgasm, hehehe, was kind of funny in a weird way and then i find out the coppola-girl (she looks like sophia coppola) is actually a, lesbian! hehehehehe. I didn't know! i was in shock!

"omg! you're one of them!" i exclaimed.

We got a lot of lesbots clients but they're pretty ones, hehehe.

Anyway i've been posted to work in the city half my week and half in the blue-rinse. I don't mind, happier that way, i could have wine with lunch in the city at that little cafe in the strand.

Sometimes i wonder if this is what i am meant to do eventhough i enjoy permanently epilating peoples body parts and the remaining staff are really inspirational "senior electrologists" the C.E.O finally acknowledges, a conversation with the coppola-girl made me think.
She quit her lucrative job with an international media company to go travelling and explore her options.
She said "so many people get into a pattern and then become afraid to change so they don't think and don't take other options. So many options out there"
As i get older i do feel more vunerable thus look for safer options, when you're young you don't think of mortality but more about the thrill of chances . But once you have taken those chances and realise at times they don't pay off, there is opportunity and opportunity for loss.
I guess fear sets in and resigning to the mundanity of living.
Bills have to be paid .

I felt this year would be good to just set myself into work mode, before it's always been abit scattered with lots of adventures to fill in time. So many guises to play and charades to perform and letting the hours flow beneath our feet. Cafe days.

White picket fence, my favourite clothing store has finally closed. The place where i got introduced to skinny jeans and Hussein Challayan pants and westwood belt... finally closed.

I'm sitting here about to go to work but all i want to do is stay.
All i want is to not pretend to be 'happy there' although at times i believe in what i want.

I want to run round newtown in japanese wooden clogs and watch a movie and drink coffee and smoke and talk about dreams and characters and watch the sun cast shade after shade along scribbled walls.

Lots of things we can't recapture look so good.

ok, i'm off to work now.

"Where have all the good men gone
And where are all the gods
Where's the street-wise Hercules
To fight the rising odds?"

Smoked salmon and a bottle of dry white in some tiny tiny cafe along the strand arcade. The waitress looks like a model but has hips build for insemination and the stud-waiter has ceasers bald skull.
Lunch was long as we had extra time to spare before the onslaught and my noodle-in-a-bowl didn't turn me on.

The greek accountant was first off my pretty tangent, first treatment so lots of surprised facial expressions with reassuring "i'm tough" lines thrown to my feet , fallen in puddles of mock concern.
He had a girlfriend but left him on the day he preposed and goes to the north for drinks.
One look at the shirt he hung oh so neatly behind the door, the tiny but horrifying red-dot symbol of mass consumerism cheap-starched-striped business shirts in plastic bags like some unwanted vegetable in the $1 bin.

She dropped the zero and went shopping at Valentino.

A house wife here and there, some young dumb thing wanting to be smooth for her new-husband and a tiny old lady with 60's white leather handbag that had a clasp! worked at the bloodbank "i don't do anything with blood, just administation" she laid perfectly still whilst i inserted needles into her nostrils.

And then, of all the bloody buggery buggers comes the elderly tranny.

Her hair was a mess, head like marlene detriech but after death and wore this "windows XP" tracksuit!! It was free at the microsoft convention??? what the fuck???? and to finish it off she had tanned pantyhose on.
"see my toes are curled, they don't look so nice like those girls in sandals"
"what girls in sandals? oh your toes, er.. yes.."
"when i go to th-ailand (she pronounced the 'th' as in "theory) i will have everything done!"

i'm thinking, honey you're pushing 60 in a blue nylon windows XP tracksuit unable to pronounce Thailand properly, please sit down and count your bingo numbers.

"so...who do you want to look like?" i stupidly ask

"Delta Goodrem in Thigh-land they can do that"

Sure madame windows-blue-screen-with-quasi-roman numeral-version-of-some-shit-hole-operation system you're going look like Delta goodrem,. then i'll go to Thigh-land and have them make me into a blue triangle Mr Cool from Mr men.

She kept looking at me in a creepy way and said how she would "love to have your skin, so brown and exotic" then proceeded to stroke my arm!!

FREAK-A-LEEK !!! no spring onion please.

There was some other tranny with the drama-queen so when i finished and walked out to reception i see this huge figure with long fake hair covering the front of the persons face, how i know it was the front, she/he was trying in vain to put ice onto their face but it just was on their hair.

I just thought, 5 minutes to go and it'll all be over.

On the trainstation saw this really hot guy, mmmm, but then i looked at his feet and noticed he was wearing thongs/flip-flops with that used dirty outline of his feet on it. Then proceeds to eat take-away sushi from its clear plastic coffin.
ERGH. Hot but, er... dirty thongs/flip-flops and eating sushi on a train station ERGH.

Some homeless man walked round in tracksuit pants with half his pubic hair sticking out carrying empty plastic bottles.
A girl drinking out of 2.5 litre juice bottle. I know it's more economical but it really is not a good look and what you going to do with an empty 2 litre juice bottle when you're on a train station ??? besides giving it to the homeless man with pubic hair sticking out???

Bulk-buy bottle bongs???

I'm smoking again.

I know i know, but it was that or ending up a manic masturbator.

I did buy perfume by the way, it's "serge luten gris' soft and summery, kind of smells like what advertisers would want us to believe womens panties in summer would smell like. Sweet and virginal with a hint of juicy musk that's been rubbed gently with burnt wood!

God damn it, i smell like womens panties.

Anyway, my week has been such and these days drip slowly through the perforations of exisitance.

"Well can you send me a pic of yourself, i mean i could turn up and you be some 60year old morbidly obese guy named bruce with loose teeth"

Work can really take the shit out of you, especially if it's full-time whilst u struggle with flu.
My boss was coughing and wheezing all week and bought this huge spaceship vapouriser which covered most of the city clinic in a fog of eucalyptus and kept showing anyone within an inch her creepy ghost photos. Fortunately it was abit more sane in the other one .
Why is the air con. in trains so cold?? it could be mildly warm or 40c but whenever u step into a train it's 10c?
Why do people eat subway in the train? it stinks out the whole carriage .
Why do teenages/emo kids hang round under the townhall steps? it stinks of urine! leave some space for the homeless!!

Fortunately my flu has gone away now after sleeping most of the non-working time. But i'm getting really sick of instant noodles in a cup . I miss the french cakes and gorgeous things next door. Two more weeks till they re-open....

I need to work out again, im so out of shape and feel embarrassed in skimpy clothes.

Where are my skimpy clothes?

I did this womans nipples on thursday, she had huge holes in her nipples i thought for a moment they were going to squirt at me.

But it was nice to catch up with the wildgirl, she works in adelaide now and goes to the beach after her work, swim,tan then cooks dinner. What a life eh. makes me want to go there , who would have thought adelaide as a prospective haven.
3hrs on her underarm and bikini top.

I didn't go out at all this week, just for a moment to get silver shoes.

If only it couldn't get anymore hectic.
Work work work, the clients have been much better this week, i had the fireman on tuesday, lovely fellow, so big.. i mean.. as in build, so much of him hehehe anyway then i had the Screamer, who is by all accounts a lovely lady, but she tends to scream and burst out in a sweat. She was much quieter this week however earlier on i had this girl who must have been going through her.....you know.. lady flow month .
"it's so sensitive...ohhhh... " *burst out in sweat, i had to mop her up with napkins.
Then we decided to try her bikini line and when she took off her pants i saw so much hair i never seen so much, it was long and dense and all round her thigh, more than me!
Anyway she only lasted 30min cos she just couldn't take it, i had to change the bedsheets she got so wet.
Llife goes on, i got a flu thing, coughing and wheezing at first i thought i had hayfever but i think it's more than that. But that's ok cos everyone has it at work so we're sharing pseudoephedrines, yay!

Today i went out to incu and bought silver flat sneakers! so fab! then ate sushi train and emptied out 3 packets of wasabi on the fried baby octopus balls, they quite small....

So no one guess the thing below... it's a female condom, "Diaphram"

It comes in a gorgeous pink hardcase to pop into your purse for those, special occasions.

This is a ...........

Winner gets nothing in particular.

It has been so hectic lately i could feel my clitorous receeding into a womb somewhere or something like that.
Work has been all go go go leaving very little time for anything. I had to sqeeze an hour Fragrance hunting on thursday, they sold out of Marc Jacobs Grass, Cotton, Rain. Who would want to smell like Cotton? idiots, mind you i wanted to smell like Grass.
I went to every perfumery in the city, nothing, either they don't stock it or sold out.
I was devastated , took me years to actually like a new fragrance, at the moment im using Micheal kors which is very, umm.. strong and sexy but i want something light and fresh to match this new persona, the 2007 of me.
Anyway, screw that, i'll look for something else tomorrow, i'm determine to smell exclusive and fresh.

Had a bunch of difficult clients lately, they just want,want,want! so afterwork i go into Darrel lea chocolates and bought so much chocolate earned myself a $5 voucher. For more chocolate.

One client complained that i didn't do her nostrils last time because i " seemed scared". First of all, we don't do nostrils, we do nasal rim! so she flipped up the sides of her nose "is this visible enough for you?
Oooook... inhale, think calm thoughts...
So i did what i seemed "scared" to do last time, i inserted 8 lots of 16 needles into the thin meaty bits of her nostrils..
" have the current up as high as u want... i want all these hairs gone... OHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.................EEEEEEEEKKKK.....OHHHH SHITSHITSHITSHIT OOOOOOHHH...........
She went into a sneezing fit but hell will freeze over if you're going sneeze after i've inserted freggin hair-fine needles up your nose , so i held her nose together watching her face explode bright red , 6 times.
I thought pleasant thoughts.
Afterwards she thanked me as she stared into the mirror to see if any hairs were left.
"all gone! just gone!"

Client number 2 wanted his beard sculptured even though he is going to have all of it removed.

me in monotone "Would you like me to do your initials on ur chin?"

client number 2 responds in a joyous tone "yeah! yingyang would be good"

Client number 3 "i think my bikini line is crooked"

me "it's the way you're holding the panties"

She looks confused so i demonstrate by moving her panties left and right then a small bump slips out of the side, it's fleshy and round i look at her confused.

client 3 whispers "i'm going to have my boys removed next week, they've been tied for months now, my boys are about to leave the nest, forever"
she/he sighs i squirm on the inside but smile like Ivanka trump post liposuction, you know you vant it baby.
If my daddy was Donald trump i would completely mispell the word incest.

Some random shite came in and asked if the hairs can be replanted after we have permantly removed them, on his testicals.

....................

Sure use a bloody compass from back-to-school specials bargin basement bin!!!!

Deep breath.

The army boy came in this week, 7 hrs on his neck and shoulders, thank god it was split between 2 people, he has to have it all removed because he's going into the army.

Yes, you try and figure that one out because we couldn't.

On a happier note, the Lactose intolerant tranny will look round "local supermarkets cos that's where they hide" for clear M&Ms.
I made an off the hand comment about why there aren't any see-though smarties or M&Ms and where do peanuts go when their shells get robbed. He/she rides a bicycle in a dress "i can't get the right size, have to have them custom made by my girlfriend, she makes clothes for all those famous celebrity dragqueens"

umm what famous celebrity drag queens?????????

I nearly suggested a bodybag but really, i ran out of coffee.

Today is the day after the end of 2006.
As most end of years there were explosions in the sky and sentimentality falling through hotel awnings into unrecognisable bits to be only trodden on by crowds of onlookers.
It wasn't suppose to be like that, resigned to hiding and hoping it would just tick over but at the last minute John threw possiblities across my path and i took it.
First was drinks down at chippendale with Dayvd, anymore champagne?
Then we bused it to camperdown, don't think i've ever gone there before but anyway that's where i met Xiong and his boyfriend, Daniel. Yes, that Daniel.
We haven't seen each other for years, so much has gone under the bridge i don't know when exactly we took sail, away from each other.
It was a surprise for both of us however it was good too, finally finish what we should have all those years ago.
He hasn't changed still tall and pasty white with an obtuse sense of humour even though it has bevelled throughout the years. He's become what he always wanted to have , something i knew i couldn't give.
At times i catch him reticent at this new lifestyle, the infantile and vapidness, confused at why he is in the wading pool but then you can't have it all your way, as long as your core vision stays, the rest can melt into the shadows.
I guess i missed him, but you can't take back what you have given away, as i said we set sail on different paths.
I am happy for him, atleast our conclusion has been set.
John drank hideously as usual, ha! how much can the boy drink!
The people there, vague, young, amusing . Interior was quite good with the salvation army decor, they made it work except for the red plastic stools.
And the host, made a wonderful roast beef and potatoes, absolutely delicious. If only i knew how to cook....

Round 11pm we legged it back into the city into an office block near the harbour.
Met the lovely Swedish Julia and the ambiguous matthias, don't think i want to psychoanalyse swedish men aslong as they can put ikea furniture together i'm fine.
Julia wore a funky sailormoon-meets madonna-leggins!! I was creaming my fashion pants darlings. I love the quirkiness and she's tiny and has a sweet personality so it was just, so fab. The rest of the crowd up there were those boring breeder-fashion victims.

The fireworks came and went, i've seen it all before, bang bang happy new year.

Getting home was an experience.

We ran to a bus that was being hurridly boarded by allsorts, young man started to kiss an old woman passionately before she could pay the driver, a large indian family came wooshing out of nowhere with 16 kids and somehow managed to board within 3seconds, i counted. It was kind of frantic, exciting, sexy except the bus got very crowded and the air con wasn't working.
A man with the british flag across his back (is it st georges day??) hong kong housewife picking her nose and korean guy scratching his teeth.
I curled up on Johns sofa listening to the intoxicated outside his apartment, screeching of distant buses, rattling of gossiping fruit bats flying between figtree to fig tree whilst mosquitoes hovered above my head like a black string halo stung me all night long.

Care of John's flickr.

Well, Christmas was so well behaved around family , faux christmas trees and botox smiles. However boxing day was fun!

Headed down to Lyns micro-pad in Elizabeth bay right on the water, gorgeous day and fantastic tibetean and korean food by tien-zin fantastic wine, champagne and gorgeous water views and yatch things, anyway the day was so lovely.
Then we had a few drinks and Amy started to unhinge.
We got a lecture on how her husband didn't buy her a birthday present.. wooo that went on for hours , even when i kept filling her glass up, it got to the point when she couldn't even hold the glass, some of us ate roast pork soaked in sauvinon-blanc.
She told us also about a dream she use to have about a dark monster and a client who had a leg cramp and she had leg cramps too and then she passed out!
Amy ended up on lyns sofa oblivious as we had Dusty springfield and Faithless blaring out of the stereo.
We knew it was time to exit.
John and i hopped over to Nicks for some more drinks, i eased up because throwing up is not an option for me anymore, but it was so nice to catch up with Nick and john and drinks and cats and things.
It's still bit of a blur but we ended up in chinatown later eating vietnamese food.

Boxing day photos at flickr.

Boxing Amy.